Dad diagnosed with mixed dementia

[Elephant22]

Hi
I have experienced almost every emotion in the last year since my Dad had been diagnosed with mixed dementia .
Reading other people's experiences and struggles is often heart breaking but also helpful to know I am not going totally mad !
My Mum is trying to care for Dad with ever increasing support from me as her health and mental capacity deteriates rapidly
I worry constantly about the future as they both refuse any help -tried care package Dad was rude and refused to let anyone in the flat
Dad has always been awkward and stubborn this seems to be what's left of him -will not wash and now drinks all day if he can which is distressing to witness
I have given up trying to talk to him as he confabulates constantly or gets angry which upsets my Mum
I just end up cleaning and trying to make life less awful for her now
Sorry to waffle on I know this is only the start of this long journey !

 

[Elephant22]

Hi everyone

My name is Shelley my Dad was diagnosed about 10 months ago with mixed dementia
My Mum is his primary carer but sadly due to the stress her health and mental capacity has deteriated rapidly
In this time .
This makes it all more sad and difficult to deal with I find I am so anxious about them all the time and feel guilty
If I can't be there all the time
Is this how most people feel ?

 

[lemonjuice]

. . . . .feel guilty If I can't be there all the time
Is this how most people feel ?

Absolutely @Elephant22!
Guilt about not doing care properly. Guilt when one loses one's cool after one has 'had enough'. Guilt that we 'can't make it better for them'. Guilt when the caring becomes overwhelming and we have to hand over the care. Guilt that we haven't done the best for them in the choice of Home. . . . . . . . . . .Seems guilt comes with the territory.

Someone on here refers to it as 'the guilt monster'.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Elephant22
a warm welcome to TP
as lemonjuice says many members here will understand how you feel, and recognise aspects of your situation
at least you have found TP now and can come here to share your experiences; it really helps to be among folk who get what you are writing about
you are doing what you can for your dad and mum - it's not easy if someone doesn't co-operate, unfortunately that's not at all unusual; makes life even trickier for the carers
might your dad accept some support if you told him it was to help your mum as she is not feeling too good at the moment, and it will help her recuperate - sometimes fibs can get round a situation?
the drinking must be a concern, as dementia and alcohol can be a toxic mix - might you change his drink for a low-alcohol/non-alcoholic alternative or 'water it down' eg a shandy rather than a full beer - even give a fizzy drink instead - my dad liked wine, but actually didn't notice once when I substituted red grape juice, so we went with that except for special occasions
maybe try not explaining. discussing, arguing, disagreeing with your dad - just mumble something neutral or agree and change the subject - sadly, the part of his brain that works things out rationally is damaged so he will only see things HIS way, and he is RIGHT, so the problem is everyone else's - have you come across compassionate communication; it helped me begin to grasp how my dad saw things and respond to him a bit more calmly, sometimes
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/sho...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
I'm sure your mum much appreciates your presence and support, especially taking the cleaning from her - the fact that you are there and ready to step in will mean a lot
best wishes

 

[Elephant22]

Thank -you for your replies
We have tried most of these ideas to deal with the drinking
I will try and adopt the compassionate communication as you are right that explaining just ends up with
Us both getting annoyed & upset
Shelley x