Does anyone have advice for me about dealing with the huge range of health professionals who seem to take great delight in telling me that I can no longer make decisions for my mum every time I ask them a question? I have lived with and cared for mum for 9 years and I'm distraught that she is in a CH (hospital SW decision). We managed really well until May this year but since then she's had 2 infections and a fall that put her in hospital. The hospital stay was horrendous. By the end of 3 weeks she was completely unrecognisable as my mum and she was having screaming fits and all sorts of behavioural problems. She is in a NH now and has calmed down but she is just not the same person.
Last week mum scrambled out of her bed (over the bed rails) at the NH (forgetting that she's not mobile) and so I got called to the hospital in the middle of the night. She was discharged after some X-rays but I've since been told that she has a fracture (that they missed last week) and has to go back into the hospital tomorrow for an orthopaedic appointment. That's fine but they've already told me that they won't be able to treat her because she has osteoporosis and they can't 'pin' the bone back together. So I asked if it was sensible for them to insist on mum coming in when she's immobile, she has mixed type D, she's doubly incontinent and she's probably going to sit there for hours in a wheelchair only to be told that they can't do anything for her. It seems cruel to me and so I asked if there was any alternative. Immediately they accused me of withholding treatment and said that it's not my decision because I don't have 'health and welfare' POA so I have to take her in tomorrow. Of course, I wasn't trying to withhold anything I was just trying to apply some common sense to a potentially distressing trip for mum. I don't have a car so it involves time off work, wheelchair taxis and me managing on my own because there's nobody free to accompany her from the CH.
I have POA for property and affairs but not health and welfare and I'm wondering about applying to be her deputy just so that people will have to talk to me. Would it help at all? What are other people's experiences?
I just feel totally ignored and frequently bullied by health professionals when all I want to do is have a brief discussion and ask questions about decisions that are being made. I cry all the time, my husband is at the end of his tether and mum blames me for everything on the very rare occasions when she can remember who I am. I just wish I had more confidence about my right to be kept informed as mum's next of kin and former carer.
Sorry this is a really long rambling thread but I know there's lots of people out there who will understand. This forum is great although I generally sob my way through every thread that applies to my situation. It all seems so hopeless.
Last week mum scrambled out of her bed (over the bed rails) at the NH (forgetting that she's not mobile) and so I got called to the hospital in the middle of the night. She was discharged after some X-rays but I've since been told that she has a fracture (that they missed last week) and has to go back into the hospital tomorrow for an orthopaedic appointment. That's fine but they've already told me that they won't be able to treat her because she has osteoporosis and they can't 'pin' the bone back together. So I asked if it was sensible for them to insist on mum coming in when she's immobile, she has mixed type D, she's doubly incontinent and she's probably going to sit there for hours in a wheelchair only to be told that they can't do anything for her. It seems cruel to me and so I asked if there was any alternative. Immediately they accused me of withholding treatment and said that it's not my decision because I don't have 'health and welfare' POA so I have to take her in tomorrow. Of course, I wasn't trying to withhold anything I was just trying to apply some common sense to a potentially distressing trip for mum. I don't have a car so it involves time off work, wheelchair taxis and me managing on my own because there's nobody free to accompany her from the CH.
I have POA for property and affairs but not health and welfare and I'm wondering about applying to be her deputy just so that people will have to talk to me. Would it help at all? What are other people's experiences?
I just feel totally ignored and frequently bullied by health professionals when all I want to do is have a brief discussion and ask questions about decisions that are being made. I cry all the time, my husband is at the end of his tether and mum blames me for everything on the very rare occasions when she can remember who I am. I just wish I had more confidence about my right to be kept informed as mum's next of kin and former carer.
Sorry this is a really long rambling thread but I know there's lots of people out there who will understand. This forum is great although I generally sob my way through every thread that applies to my situation. It all seems so hopeless.