Hi Aleis and welcome to TP
I am actually in a similar situation to you, having been a social worker for many years, and now struggling with my own mum. It does make me wonder how helpful I really was to other people over the years......
But I digress. My mum also refused help and is also very dependent on me. I had hoped to be able to meet her needs, but about a year ago, realised that we both needed help. I discussed this with mum over and over again.....I have never seen her so angry ( or so disappointed), about anything before. No agreement was possible...
So, putting her needs first, I went to see her GP, who was happy for me to talk to him. He arranged for blood tests which showed a minor infection, and that was my opportunity. I told mum that the doctor said she had to have help 'until she was better'. (Okay, a little white lie, I know). That was the start and since then she has mainly had one visit a day, for medication in the morning ( I asked the GP to arrange a nomad dosset box). It has been a constant struggle but she was losing weight and not drinking enough...got a chest infection....so again I said 'the GP says you have to eat/ drink better' and arranged lunch visits. February 2nd this year was the first time she accepted such a visit, I will never forget the thrill of it
We're now struggling with personal care, which she is refusing.
I can only say that I just couldn't give up, and that the GP has been great. The little white lies, and going against mum's wishes, contradict everything I believe in as a social worker, but for mum's sake it has had to be done. I concentrate now on trying to keep her content when I see her, instead of always rushing around doing practical tasks. We knit together, listen to CD's, even read poetry sometimes ( previously unheard of!!). Quality of life for mum is my main aim, and to achieve even some of this, I've just had to be strong and insist on care visits.
I hope this may help, just a bit. Believe me, I know how hard it is!
All the best
Lindy xx