My Mum's at the end of life

[KJay]

Mum's fell and broke her hip 2 months ago, it brought on her dementia very quickly. She refused or ate very little, her weight declined. She doesn't have the capacity to build herself up to improve her health and mobility. She has been in a nursing home for the past six weeks, she's bed bound. The doctor said she is at the end of life, she doesn't recognise any of us anymore. We visit everyday and help her with food. She has to be spoon fed but just spits it out once she has had enough. Recently she sleeps all of our visits. She hallucinates, my family know there is no miracle cure. My reason for this thread is the care staff are practically force feeding her which agitates her and only prolongs her suffering. Any advice out there please as what we can do as a family to help.

 

[Collywobbles]

I’m so sorry KJay. What a shock the situation must be for you.

As far as I know, the care home is obliged to keep actively encouraging folks to eat while they’re physically able to. It’s such a shame they seem to be doing it roughly - force feeding as you put it - but while your Mum will occasionally take food and has the capacity to swallow, she’ll be given it. I suspect the carers’ concern is that they shouldn’t be thought to be witholding food or not trying hard enough to get her to eat.

You know your Mum, albeit not for long in her current state. Can you think of any way that feeding or offering food might be done more compassionately or gently? It’s worth raising with the care home manager if you believe or see your Mum being distressed by what’s happening. If you can add suggestions for improvement, that might be helpful. And I don’t know how you feel about it, but if you think they shouldn’t be making such strenuous efforts to feed your Mum, you could tell them that too. It might lift any pressure they feel to do so.

 

[KJay]

I’m so sorry KJay. What a shock the situation must be for you.

As far as I know, the care home is obliged to keep actively encouraging folks to eat while they’re physically able to. It’s such a shame they seem to be doing it roughly - force feeding as you put it - but while your Mum will occasionally take food and has the capacity to swallow, she’ll be given it. I suspect the carers’ concern is that they shouldn’t be thought to be witholding food or not trying hard enough to get her to eat.

You know your Mum, albeit not for long in her current state. Can you think of any way that feeding or offering food might be done more compassionately or gently? It’s worth raising with the care home manager if you believe or see your Mum being distressed by what’s happening. If you can add suggestions for improvement, that might be helpful. And I don’t know how you feel about it, but if you think they shouldn’t be making such strenuous efforts to feed your Mum, you could tell them that too. It might lift any pressure they feel to do so.

Thank you for your helpful response 👍