Hi all, just needed to post this. I'm after some advice. Re: mum's house. Am not sure how much more I can take of it. It's just problem after problem. I'm half way through Probate which I'm pleased to say. But I feel so stuck with the house. I have no where to go and I feel completely worn out. (I need a break). The boiler has been replaced now there's something else. My sibling as I've already mentioned in previous posts is no help. If I could I would just run. Take me and my cat and get out. As soon as mum left this house it started going down. Any advice would be appreciated on how I move forward and where? The house is not in a liveable state. I often wonder why should I be lumbered with it - I have nothing in writing that I am responsible for this property and that I have to live in it. Sorry to go on, I'm just really frustrated with everything!!
House issues ...wearing me down !
- Thread starter Roman223
- Start date
We didn't auction dad's house which I was living in but it was sold in the state it was and the buyer totally rearranged it after she bought it. We had two valuations from estate agents to give us an idea of the value. I can just imagine what you're going through except that my 'invisibles' suddenly became more interested in my situation after dad went into the care home!
MaNaAk
Not sure which country you are in but I know there are agents that but your house direct from you at valuation of just below valuation (I think), with a view to a quick sale. If you don’t feel the house is livable or easily made lovable then that or suction is probably best. You can also get house clearance companies to come in and empty the house of everything you don’t want/need. Or you could try selling stuff on Facebook oolong sites online.
SMBeach: I've just read your reply. Thank you. I live in the UK. I wasn't aware of agents that could buy your house direct! The property requires a lot of work on it. (I feel before selling)! But maybe we should just get a valuation in the state it's in now. My sibling just wants the house sold so am in a Catch 22 situation, as I know she can't sell the house under me .... I seem to be going from one hurdle to another.
I would just sell it as is. It would probably be bought by a cash buyer builder. It would save you a lot of hassle
Thank you Canary for replying. Maybe you're right. My head is just frazzled. I don't think I can think anymore. My sibling just wants the house sold. So maybe it would solve everyone's problem. I still need a valuation for probate purposes as this hasn't been done yet! Do I get one for possible selling and one for Probate? I hope you are well though. (I remember your replies always reassured me). x
Dear @Roman223,
I have tagged you into my 'House' thread bug I want to give you some extra advice. Try to have as little to do with your sibling as possible whilst you are going through this situation. If you are in touch by email I suggest you don't read your emails after 10.00 pm or you will not sleep. You may also need to limit time spent on the phone to your sibling. When we were clearing the house (in lockdown which was incredibly difficult as I was in bubble with my youngest sibling) I chose to be present all the time but I had to endure some very difficult conversations with someone devoid of any emotional attachment to mum and dad's belongings. I wanted to be involved with the clearing and protect the more valuable and sentimental items. When the time comes you may wish to do the clearing with your sister or you may chose to do what @Ineedhelp did and avoid being at home when your sibling is there which means you will have to separate what you want to keep.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))
MaNaAk
I have tagged you into my 'House' thread bug I want to give you some extra advice. Try to have as little to do with your sibling as possible whilst you are going through this situation. If you are in touch by email I suggest you don't read your emails after 10.00 pm or you will not sleep. You may also need to limit time spent on the phone to your sibling. When we were clearing the house (in lockdown which was incredibly difficult as I was in bubble with my youngest sibling) I chose to be present all the time but I had to endure some very difficult conversations with someone devoid of any emotional attachment to mum and dad's belongings. I wanted to be involved with the clearing and protect the more valuable and sentimental items. When the time comes you may wish to do the clearing with your sister or you may chose to do what @Ineedhelp did and avoid being at home when your sibling is there which means you will have to separate what you want to keep.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))
MaNaAk
Thank you MaNaAk: for all your worthy advice here. I've been looking at both to rent and/or to buy! But somewhere cheaper. I may have to rent first just to get a feel for the area, as I do not want to stop in the area where I live now plus I wouldn't be able to afford to. My sibling tells me to get my feelers out and start looking for somewhere to live after an intense conversation with her yesterday. But I have as little as possible to do with her. She sent me a manipulating nasty message a few weeks ago and it has been playing on my mind. (The nasty person) that she is.
I haven't posted on here for a while. I'm just trying to deal with everything on my own but it has been getting me down as I have been left to deal with everything previously: including mum's care, her funeral, registering mum's death and so on. Take care & thank you for your support. x
I haven't posted on here for a while. I'm just trying to deal with everything on my own but it has been getting me down as I have been left to deal with everything previously: including mum's care, her funeral, registering mum's death and so on. Take care & thank you for your support. x
I'm afraid that this is really common in families. My brother never involved himself with mum's care and only once visited mum after her diagnosis, not even when I told him that she was dying. Then afterwards I too was left to deal with everything. He came to the funeral, though, and then started hassling me about the probate.....
Good morning @Roman223,
I really feel for you and I can imagine what that conversation was like. I was told by my siblings that I was narcissistic, selfish, stubborn, spoilt etc. I was even accused of trying to halt probate by tearing dad's certificate and his will. The phone calls that I had from my youngest brother proved him to be a manipulative bully and he would start getting me to agree with one thing and then twisting it around to confuse me and saying but you said this or you said that and I believe he practiced this with his partner. I remember @love.dad.but.. saying you have to stop those phone calls chipping away at your confidence. Do you have a mobile phone as well as a landline? If your sister phones on one line and another phone call comes on the other then you have to hang up on her whether she likes it or not. This happened to me twice the first time it was a friend inviting me out for coffee because she was worried about me. The second time it was an estate agent and my idiot brother said they'll phone back! I should have put the phone down on him and spoken to the estate agent!
The trouble with me was that I had lived in the family home for nearly forty years. I was running part of my business from that house and I had my pet tortoises. I was told by my brothers that I would have to teach all my Piano and Violin pupils from my local music shop where I also worked and that I would have to give the tortoises away to an animal sanctuary (they had been in the for seventy years!). This only upset me even more and me less likely to want to talk to them. However I got through it and you will too.
MaNaAk
