Hello need some advice please

[Ozziegirl]

Hello
New member here. I live in Australia. My 83 yr old mum lives alone in UK. Refused to move here when my dad died 8 years ago. I think she has dementia. Seemed to be coping ok on own until 3 weeks ago. Driving, shopping, a little social interaction. Supportive neighbours. Got a call from the police today. Mum had reported dad as a missing person. When they called me mum had already realised he was dead, the police called me so I could confirm it and then they got the neighbours to sit with her.
Mum has no family in the UK.
She refuses to leave her house and move into residential aged care.
The police told me that apart from the delusion about my dad she seemed ok did not need an ambulance and they would file a report and a referral would go to her GP and social services.
I am seeking advice as to next stages in terms of getting her support. I don’t know the system in UK.
I guess she has to see her GP but where she lives it appears nigh on impossible to get an appointment.
Any advise please ?

 

[SherwoodSue]

This must be a worry so far from home. Do you have the address of your mums GP?

Could you drop them a line to explain your concerns and discuss a care plan ?

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Ozziegirl and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community. I am sorry to hear about your mum. Dealing with your concerns from such a distance must be very difficult. One would hope that a referral by the police might prompt action by social services. That might include carrying out an adult needs assessment. I am not sure that a GP would do anything proactively other than adding a note to your mum's record.

If you know which GP or practice she is registered with you could express your concerns by phone or (better) email, with a suggestion that she is called in for a review. If this is possible it would be helpful to have someone who could accompany her.

As for social services, you could get in contact to follow up on the police referral. If you use words such as 'at risk' and 'vulnerable' then this may prompt them to take action.

These links might be useful:

Assessment for care and support in England

What are care assessments and how can people with dementia and their carers access them? This information is for care and support in England.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Support from the GP when you have dementia

Find out what support is available from a GP when a person has dementia, including the role of the GP in dementia care. The GP can support a person even if they don't accept their diagnosis.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Ozziegirl]

Thanks for your advice. Things escalating quickly. Neighbour and friend by passed GP. Took her to ED. Official diagnosis of dementia, wrote to GP with referral to memory clinic.
Happened again with delusion dad still alive and not there. She didn’t call the police this time but went to the neighbours.
Neighbours are lovely but understandably losing patience.
Issue is that I am in Australia. I can go to UK but I cannot stay there for a long time.
I feel that mum needs to move into assisted care. She is however very resistant to this, to the point of putting on LPA that she wants to stay in own home.
What do I do?
Advice please

 

[victoriab70]

You do what is right for your mum. I’d suggest that you engage with her GP and access the website of the county council in the area she lives and request a care needs assessment. They are required to complete one, so shouldn’t be too much of a problem. However, you might not be aware but many councils here are currently in financial difficulties. Once you have the report then you can consider next steps and you should be supported by the GP and council. You said you are restricted in how long you can visit, Do as much as you can over there by emails and calls because when the time is right you will need to be here for your mum to help her accept any changes but to also reassure yourself you’ve done everything you can to support her. Look after yourself and stay well 😊

 

[Ozziegirl]

Thank you so much