Hello and driving query

[Rph33]

Hi, I’m new to the group. My Dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. We were told by the doctor at the memory clinic that he should not be driving so I notified DVLA.
On Saturday morning Dad phoned me to say that late on Friday night (after 7:30 pm) someone turned up at the house and said that they wouldn’t tax the car because my Dad was banned from driving due to his health.
I’m really confused 😕 who would do that? Surely DVLA would write to him? Dad said that they were in a blue van, wearing blue but he doesn’t remember much else. I asked if they had ID and if they came in the house and he said no but I’m really worried. Could he have imagined or dreamt this? I’m worried if they are real who on earth they were. How do I go about finding out? Has this happened to anyone else?

 

[SherwoodSue]

This doesn’t sound right. Yes insurers are reluctant to say business as usual after a diagnosis. But ….. Could you phone his present insurers ? Lack of ID seems strange as most companies are doing some dementia awareness training at a rudimentary level.
It is a big deal for the whole family. Wouldn’t be unknown for this to trigger confabulation

 

[canary]

The anxiety of not being able to drive may have triggered a confabulation, which is a false memory that feels to the person like the real thing. It's very very common in dementia as the subconscious brain is trying to make sense of what is happening around them.

If you worry about people coming to the door, could you install a ring doorbell?

 

[Rph33]

The anxiety of not being able to drive may have triggered a confabulation, which is a false memory that feels to the person like the real thing. It's very very common in dementia as the subconscious brain is trying to make sense of what is happening around them.

If you worry about people coming to the door, could you install a ring doorbell?

Thank you so much that makes so much sense, it just didn’t sound right. There was another incident a few months ago where my Mum was in hospital and he leant across the bed and hurt his side on the bed rail. He told my brother I’d hit him with his wheelchair! Mum has terminal cancer and has gone into a nursing home and I think the stress is making him worse. It’s so overwhelming coming to terms with all of this 😢

A ring doorbell would be a brilliant idea but he doesn’t have WiFi. I’ll have a look into doing something about this.

 

[Rph33]

This doesn’t sound right. Yes insurers are reluctant to say business as usual after a diagnosis. But ….. Could you phone his present insurers ? Lack of ID seems strange as most companies are doing some dementia awareness training at a rudimentary level.
It is a big deal for the whole family. Wouldn’t be unknown for this to trigger confabulation

I’d never heard of confabulation before but I do think that this is what this is. I’ve done a driving licence check online and it’s still showing he has a full licence.

 

[Sarasa]

Welcome to Dementia Support Forum @Rph33.
Do you think if it did happen it was the police? Has he not driven since being told he shouldn't and is he still insured? I wonder if it would be a good idea to either disable his car or move it elsewhere so he can't be tempted to drive.

 

[Rph33]

Welcome to Dementia Support Forum @Rph33.
Do you think if it did happen it was the police? Has he not driven since being told he shouldn't and is he still insured? I wonder if it would be a good idea to either disable his car or move it elsewhere so he can't be tempted to drive.

I just can’t see the police doing this? He has taken it seriously though and hasn’t driven since.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Rph33 and welcome from me too. This really does sound like confabulation. My wife told me that an 'evil man' had come to our door and asked about buying our greyhound. The story grew. Soon he was watching us from the houses opposite (at the front and back, simultaneously), waiting to break in and steal the hound. Then he had employed a gang all dressed in black.

I eventually realised that the 'gang' was made up of the mechanics at the local garage, going about their everyday business. Other than that it seemed like a completely made up story but I got told off if she suspected that I didn't believe the tale.

That's just one of many examples of how ordinary things can become sinister through confabulations. Knowing that doesn't make them easier to deal with.

 

[Jessbow]

Ask him a bit more about it, subtle questions that will clarify your thinking and quantify reality if he talks about it again

Was it dark when they came? [Even less likely someone would call after dark]

Where is dads car parked? [unless you notify DVLA that VOR it HAS to be taxed- its the car, not the person thats taxed even if its in a garage , unless you tell them, it HAS to be taxed]

Is tax due? [presumably Billy blue Van would have given him/returned paperwork to him]

My mother told me bout a fire she'd had overnight, all the fire brigade had been in her airing cupboard. Needles to say it was a dream/confabulation

 

[Rph33]

Ask him a bit more about it, subtle questions that will clarify your thinking and quantify reality if he talks about it again

Was it dark when they came? [Even less likely someone would call after dark]

Where is dads car parked? [unless you notify DVLA that VOR it HAS to be taxed- its the car, not the person thats taxed even if its in a garage , unless you tell them, it HAS to be taxed]

Is tax due? [presumably Billy blue Van would have given him/returned paperwork to him]

My mother told me bout a fire she'd had overnight, all the fire brigade had been in her airing cupboard. Needles to say it was a dream/confabulation

It would have been dark at the time he said they called. The car is parked on the drive and the tax doesn’t run out until the end of July which is the same time as his insurance. Sounds like this is the start of more things to come ☹️

 

[Rph33]

Hi @Rph33 and welcome from me too. This really does sound like confabulation. My wife told me that an 'evil man' had come to our door and asked about buying our greyhound. The story grew. Soon he was watching us from the houses opposite (at the front and back, simultaneously), waiting to break in and steal the hound. Then he had employed a gang all dressed in black.

I eventually realised that the 'gang' was made up of the mechanics at the local garage, going about their everyday business. Other than that it seemed like a completely made up story but I got told off if she suspected that I didn't believe the tale.

That's just one of many examples of how ordinary things can become sinister through confabulations. Knowing that doesn't make them easier to deal with.

This is so sad. Sounds like we’ve got more of this to come. It’s heartbreaking isn’t it.

 

[Jools1402]

The anxiety of not being able to drive may have triggered a confabulation, which is a false memory that feels to the person like the real thing. It's very very common in dementia as the subconscious brain is trying to make sense of what is happening around them.

If you worry about people coming to the door, could you install a ring doorbell?

My Mum does this sort of thing all the time. She can hold a perfectly reasonable conversation - you would not know she had dementia - and then comes out with the most fantastic confabulations. It took us a while to realise what was going on with her.

 

[wizbang]

OH has had his driving license revoked. Coming home we needed to drive across the M40 but OH decided to drive down the slipway onto the M40. He refused to listen to me about getting off the motorway and just kept going. Wouldn't listen to google maps so I called the police. he wouldn't listen to the controller - in Warwickshire by then- so they got 3 patrol cars to box us in and take us off the M40. Bloody terrifying. I ended up having to drive us home. I had only just started to learn again after 30 yrs of not bothering. Never driven on a motor way or in the dark but I made it. So glad they revoked the license. As a passenger he rarely recognizes where he is.

 

[Rph33]

OH has had his driving license revoked. Coming home we needed to drive across the M40 but OH decided to drive down the slipway onto the M40. He refused to listen to me about getting off the motorway and just kept going. Wouldn't listen to google maps so I called the police. he wouldn't listen to the controller - in Warwickshire by then- so they got 3 patrol cars to box us in and take us off the M40. Bloody terrifying. I ended up having to drive us home. I had only just started to learn again after 30 yrs of not bothering. Never driven on a motor way or in the dark but I made it. So glad they revoked the license. As a passenger he rarely recognizes where he is.

Gosh that must have been so scary!

 

[SAP]

If this had been my mum then she would have added a story to a stranger knocking at the door so that it made sense to her. She often said that “the man” had been because of the bins. She got in a real tizz over the bin system and if she didn’t know who was on the phone or who had rung the door bell, this was her way of telling me that she was scared or didn’t like it. Given this scenarios I think maybe your dad had a cold caller at the door and this was his way of giving it a context because he couldn’t work out what had happened. If you can monitor his front door, that might be an idea , they you will know who has knocked and can put his mind at rest if he calls you. And just to emphasise, the DVLA would not pop round, they can’t even deal with the jobs they have let alone make home calls. They are based in Swansea !

 

[Rosettastone57]

As others have said, this is confabulation. Police don't deal with car tax, the dvla do and they don't do home visits. Someone has been at the door , and this is the way of making some sort of context for him. My mother in law was the queen of confabulation .She had a visit from the district nurse which I didn't know about but she couldn't tell me anything, so after a lot of ringing around to the GP etc it was established the GP had organised it. My mother in law could only describe the lady as being dressed in blue. Then she had apparently a cold call from a lady looking for a lost cat . Only by speaking to the neighbours did I establish that at the time my mother in law said it happened apparently there was a lady pushing leaflets through the door.