Everything has to be instant

[Wifey1]

Help please. With my husband everything has to be instant. If we are going out at 1:00 he will start saying at 8:00 come on. Let's go. We will be late. Come on, Let's go now. Why can't we go. How can I pacify him, reassure him, that we must wait till the right time to go? I do realise that this is a minor problem compared to other people's difficulties. I'm trying to learn how to manage him, and myself.

 

[backin]

Don't tell him that you are due to go out

 

[maggie6445]

My oh was the same. Just don't tell him until it's time to get ready!

I quickly realised I shouldn't say "we'll go out after lunch" because he'd be putting his coat on while finishing his sandwich!🤣

 

[SherwoodSue]

This is SO my mum. Will be in the front room with her coat on looking for the car hours before. She refuses a sensible lunch because there is ‘no time ‘to eat it as she is going out.

This is new for us, but now I NEVER tell mum we are going out. Singing for the brain I’d third Thursday in each month and she writes it down so I am scuppered there. Gets so excited/ anxious that she has close to passed out or fallen. Sleep gets disturbed too.
I admit to finding this hard to deal with.

 

[canary]

I once asked my OH in exasperation, "why does everything have to be done  now?" He blinked and said seriously "what other time is there?"

He is living more and more in the present and can no longer envisage the future. I now only tell him about things when it's time, too.

 

[Wifey1]

Thank you. I have tried to not say what we are going to do, but recently husband has felt insulted , and said he is not stupid, and I should not treat him as a child, so difficult!

 

[maggie6445]

Thank you. I have tried to not say what we are going to do, but recently husband has felt insulted , and said he is not stupid, and I should not treat him as a child, so difficult!

If your husband can still tell the time and knows days and dates. ,perhaps a white board with a daily or weekly plan on it. Appointments and activities can be added and he can refer to it. It worked for a short spell in our house but my OH quickly lost the sense of time and really had no idea of the year never mind date and day!

Could you set an alarm on his phone telling him to put his coat on for ... appointment?
I have reminders on my phone 40mins before local appointments so I have time to get my OH ready and get there. I have enough to think about and many appointments and outings and it organises me and gives me one less thing to think of!

 

[northumbrian_k]

This is very common and difficult to deal with. Despite needing to be ready hours ahead of time my wife would have missed appointments if I hadn't prompted her. She would ask what day or date it was several times a day. She would then check the wall calendar and think that the first entry (past, present or future) was imminent. We should get ready immediately!

Ability to understand and deal with time is one of the many things that are destroyed by dementia. I remember my wife taking great care to get dressed smartly for a social event that she was looking forward to. She was a day early. I felt sad about how her outward appearance belied the turmoil inside. The best I could do was to make that day 'special' too. Soon after I gave up with dementia-friendly clocks, wall calendars and such. Living in the moment, she had no need for things that only added to her confusion.
.

 

[Neveradullday!]

Live in the moment - yes!
My mum sometimes asks me if Christmas is coming up - "No we've got a warm Spring, long hot Summer etc to go, yet."
I found myself singing a Christmas song the other day so maybe it's catching.

Anyway, if I don't see you before......... 🎄

 

[SeaGirl]

Thank you to everyone who has commented on this. I have been finding this a challenge but had thought it was just us. Looking at it, the start of it seems tied in to my husband's increasing difficulty telling the time. Dates, e.g. which month we're in, and what the year is, have been a little hazy for a while, but difficulties reading a clock/watch is a new thing. Reading what people have written here makes me see that the rush to be ready, shoes on, coat on, 'right now' to go out (for whatever the reason) at some point later is probably related.

 

[maisiecat]

I definitely think it relates to their perceprion of time and how time passes. My husband's short term memory is completely shot so he is always wanting to get on with things I think before he forgets.
I also note that when its coming up to lunchtime at the home he just obsessively watches the clock.

 

[Rishile]

I try not to tell my husband we are going anywhere until just before we leave but he can usually pick up on my mood and know I am trying to get ready for a particular reason. I now avoid telling him anything the day before or he would be getting out of bed dozens of times during the night. I haven't worked out a fool-proof system yet.

 

[Chizz]

If you're not careful, keeping pace of time, days, dates, half-terms, bank holidays, etc etc is not only a problem for early days for a PWD, but also for carers. Deep into this, well only 7 years, my OH doesn't have as many medical appointments as she used to, and many are now by phone. Blood tests, for example, the practice nurse comes to our house, etc. So, many days follow the same pattern, routine, etc that has evolved, that one day is much the same as the next. I start to ask myself, what's a weekend? or what's a bank holiday? and the answer is usually a day to avoid going out because too many people out and about as well!

 

[maggie6445]

If you're not careful, keeping pace of time, days, dates, half-terms, bank holidays, etc etc is not only a problem for early days for a PWD, but also for carers. Deep into this, well only 7 years, my OH doesn't have as many medical appointments as she used to, and many are now by phone. Blood tests, for example, the practice nurse comes to our house, etc. So, many days follow the same pattern, routine, etc that has evolved, that one day is much the same as the next. I start to ask myself, what's a weekend? or what's a bank holiday? and the answer is usually a day to avoid going out because too many people out and about as well!

Yes very easy to lose track of days and dates. Medical appointments for OH are coming thick and fast at the moment. Just glad I have a phone with a calendar on to remind me! If I remember to add them, of course 😃

 

[SeaGirl]

If you're not careful, keeping pace of time, days, dates, half-terms, bank holidays, etc etc is not only a problem for early days for a PWD, but also for carers. Deep into this, well only 7 years, my OH doesn't have as many medical appointments as she used to, and many are now by phone. Blood tests, for example, the practice nurse comes to our house, etc. So, many days follow the same pattern, routine, etc that has evolved, that one day is much the same as the next. I start to ask myself, what's a weekend? or what's a bank holiday? and the answer is usually a day to avoid going out because too many people out and about as well!

Yup. I get that. The days do seem to meld into a samey mush. To think I looked forward to 'retirement'...

 

[Dunroamin]

For me (as a person with ALzheimer's) this is something I am 'guilty' of apparently. However, it things are not done there and then, the idea/situation/appointkment etc disappears into the ether. PErhaps this is how it begins .....

 

[SeaSwallow]

For me (as a person with ALzheimer's) this is something I am 'guilty' of apparently. However, it things are not done there and then, the idea/situation/appointkment etc disappears into the ether. PErhaps this is how it begins .....

It is always good to have your 'take' on how things, it helps us carers to understand a little better.

 

[Wifey1]

For me (as a person with ALzheimer's) this is something I am 'guilty' of apparently. However, it things are not done there and then, the idea/situation/appointkment etc disappears into the ether. PErhaps this is how it begins .....

Thank you. That is in interesting insight. ,