Care agency bailing

[smithdee]

Haven't posted on here in a while, but we are now on care agency number 4 in 12 months. My dad is getting worse, and the care agencies bail.

My mum insists dad gets out of bed each day, even though he sleeps slumped all day in his chair and barely eats/drinks anymore - Getting from the downstairs bedroom to the lounge just takes all of his energy. When bed time arrives, he is so angry he won't cooperate for the carers. Refuses to get out of the chair first of all. When they finally get him up, he can barely move as he's exhausted himself fighting. Tried to wheel him through but refuses to get into the wheelchair when put infront of him. He grabs at his clothes, he won't roll over in bed even on a slide sheet to be cleaned up, he's scratching growling and even biting the carers. I personally just think he would be better off left in his bed.
He's already on medication to calm him down.

My question is - I think it may be time for a hoist. Can the social worker insist it's time for a care home/can they refuse to not put anymore care agencies in the home even though self funding? We live very rurally so not many local care agencies around.
Mum wants him at home but wondering if this can be taken out of her hands.

 

[SAP]

It really depends on if there is a safeguarding issue here . From what you have said it sounds like home care is becoming impossible and if your dad continues to be aggressive an agency may insist on 2:1 care. If social services feel your parents are at risk of harm then yes, they can override your mums wishes. Does she have POA for his health and welfare?
Why is your mum so against him going into a safe environment in a care home with all the adaptations and staffing to keep him safe?
Some hoists require two people and if you are already having issues with agencies, this may prove too much to manage.

 

[Collywobbles]

From what you’ve said, it seems prudent to start looking at care homes in the area. It’s not something that anyone wants, but from your description, even with home carers, it seems that your Dad is approaching the point where it’s not going to be safe for him, family or carers. It’s always best to be looking at homes before you all hit a crisis. Although it sounds like it would take one to persuade your Mum.

Whilst not dementia related, my Granny’s home care company eventually withdrew their services. She needed two carers per visit, four times a day. It reached the point where she was the only person in her village who needed that service, which was uneconomical for the care company. The only other option was a care home, as no other care companies would work in the village where Granny lived.

 

[Jessbow]

Trying to get a person who is resistant into a hoist would be a nightmare.
if he wont roll for a slide sheet, a hoist sling would be a non starter, especially at home, as they require quite accurate positioning.
Agencies will assess and either accept or reject him. Very difficult when a patient gets to the point of bitin carers

 

[smithdee]

It really depends on if there is a safeguarding issue here . From what you have said it sounds like home care is becoming impossible and if your dad continues to be aggressive an agency may insist on 2:1 care. If social services feel your parents are at risk of harm then yes, they can override your mums wishes. Does she have POA for his health and welfare?
Why is your mum so against him going into a safe environment in a care home with all the adaptations and staffing to keep him safe?
Some hoists require two people and if you are already having issues with agencies, this may prove too much to manage.

Yes she has POA. She is adament no care home, she just keeps saying she wants him at home. I was fine supporting this in the beginning when he was more cooperative but I can't be here 24/7. I think at this point, as awful as it sounds, it may take him to reach a crisis where I/the carers aren't around to help before she gives in. I don't think she realises the toll it's taking on everyone else too...

 

[Sarasa]

When I hear stories like this I always wonder if the other partner is also starting to go down the dementia road, probably not something you want to consider. However it does sound as though your mother isn't thinking things through very logically. I can understand why she would like your dad to stay at home, specially as living in a rural location means any suitable care homes will be difficult for her to visit. However insisting that your dad get up doesn't sound like a very wise decision either.
Maybe it is time to have a serious conversation with her about the way things are going and maybe take her to look at a few homes that might be suitable for your dad.

 

[SAP]

Yes she has POA. She is adament no care home, she just keeps saying she wants him at home. I was fine supporting this in the beginning when he was more cooperative but I can't be here 24/7. I think at this point, as awful as it sounds, it may take him to reach a crisis where I/the carers aren't around to help before she gives in. I don't think she realises the toll it's taking on everyone else too...

Sad to say , I think you are right. With all the best will in the world you can’t live your mums life for her or make her choose something she is not ready to admit to needing yet. Maybe helping out too much is making this stage last longer? Could you step back a bit? I realise this is asking the impossible but it may help in the long run.

 

[smithdee]

Sad to say , I think you are right. With all the best will in the world you can’t live your mums life for her or make her choose something she is not ready to admit to needing yet. Maybe helping out too much is making this stage last longer? Could you step back a bit? I realise this is asking the impossible but it may help in the long run.

I hadn't thought of it like this. This is definitely something to think about for sure, thank you.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

I hadn't thought of it like this. This is definitely something to think about for sure, thank you.

How about if you 'did your back in,' had to rest up for a few weeks and were unable to do any sort of lifting, etc? Quite easy to fake that...

Maybe if you were suddenly unable to help your mum might be prepared to look at other options.