My Dad is getting more unsettled when I’m not around. Also when at home he also gets more angry. As I work full time we will be moving him near my brother but not sure the best time. I know he won’t be happy but my brother is 2 hours away and he is married with kids. My sister-in-law don’t work so is happy to take care of him and as I work full time and the care he needs is getting more difficult. It’s just knowing when the best time is, so any advice would be great.
What is the best time to move someone
- Thread starter Sharon W
- Start date
The children are grown up, 2 left school and the little one is 13 years olds. They are aware how difficult it’ll be. My brother also said that he can sleep over on bad days and I am sure the elder will take him out as just learnt to drive. There is only me so it’ll be extremely hard with just one person.
I wouldn't say your SIL doesn't work if she has kids!. Just because she doesn't work outside the home doesn't mean she doesn't work.
Not sure if children and Dementia go to together well.
Is she fully aware of what she's taking on? Are you fully aware of what you are asking of her?
Not sure if children and Dementia go to together well.
Is she fully aware of what she's taking on? Are you fully aware of what you are asking of her?
My wife got early onset AZ, it wasn't good, in the end we packed our youngest then 16 off to live with his big sister 150 miles away.
It wasn't ideal but watching his relatively young mum fall apart before his and my eyes wasn't something I'd wish on anyone.
Sorry to sound so negative and I do hope it works for you, but it sounds like a pressure situation with the potential to blow.
If my daughter had written this about me I'd say put me in a home and I've told all our kids that, I have children not made my own carers.
Sorry I sound really unkind but as has been said, your children come first. K
It wasn't ideal but watching his relatively young mum fall apart before his and my eyes wasn't something I'd wish on anyone.
Sorry to sound so negative and I do hope it works for you, but it sounds like a pressure situation with the potential to blow.
If my daughter had written this about me I'd say put me in a home and I've told all our kids that, I have children not made my own carers.
Sorry I sound really unkind but as has been said, your children come first. K
We can not afford a home, but near the end that this may have to be the case. I would end up homeless I cared for him. I cared for the mother with my Dad and with 2 it was difficult so doing it alone is not possible. But I understand, I can not see any other way. To have home cares would take all money without pay the mortgage. Maybe I am being selfish and should give up a great job
Are you currently living in your dad's house or was he living in yours? Whose mortgage is it? I'm asking because you say you would be made homeless.
You are not responsible for paying for carers for your dad, he would be financially assessed and dependent on finances he would pay for himself or the Local Authority would .
I certainly don't think you're being selfish and giving up your job would be a big decision.
You are not responsible for paying for carers for your dad, he would be financially assessed and dependent on finances he would pay for himself or the Local Authority would .
I certainly don't think you're being selfish and giving up your job would be a big decision.
Others may be able to add more but is it possible the council could do a discretionary disregard given the circumstance making you and a 13 year old child homeless.
I'll have to look this one up but there is also a mandatory disregard where the cannot charge.
I hate asking and prying into other people's lives like this, only post what you want.
But thank you from me for being a carer. K
I'll have to look this one up but there is also a mandatory disregard where the cannot charge.
I hate asking and prying into other people's lives like this, only post what you want.
But thank you from me for being a carer. K
Have you all sat down together and looked into every possible option? Have you involved any other agencies, such as social services, Age UK, Alzheimer’s telephone helpline? It can be useful to get an objective opinion and some forewarning of the impact that this could have on your brother, sister-in-law and their children.
This may sound brutal but your dad is going to get worse, not better. It’s a massive undertaking. My dad got to the point where he couldn’t be left safely alone for 5 minutes. The impact it had on my children (and work) was huge, and he didn’t even live with us, he still lived at home with my mum. It took a crisis for him to go to respite, where he has remained ever since, safe and well/cared for.
I’m not saying that our situations are the same, just that you all as a family have a duty to each other to really know what you’re all agreeing to. There are many options open to you, and lots of support out there, you just need to search for it, and keep asking until you get the answers you need!
Good luck to you on your journey, it is long and hard but I can sense in your post that you are trying to get the best in place for your dad and your family. Just don’t let dementia rob both your dad and other family members of their health because caring is a long, exhausting road. Good luck x
This may sound brutal but your dad is going to get worse, not better. It’s a massive undertaking. My dad got to the point where he couldn’t be left safely alone for 5 minutes. The impact it had on my children (and work) was huge, and he didn’t even live with us, he still lived at home with my mum. It took a crisis for him to go to respite, where he has remained ever since, safe and well/cared for.
I’m not saying that our situations are the same, just that you all as a family have a duty to each other to really know what you’re all agreeing to. There are many options open to you, and lots of support out there, you just need to search for it, and keep asking until you get the answers you need!
Good luck to you on your journey, it is long and hard but I can sense in your post that you are trying to get the best in place for your dad and your family. Just don’t let dementia rob both your dad and other family members of their health because caring is a long, exhausting road. Good luck x
