What do I say every single evening to my OH when he believes he is in the wrong house and needs to get home. He says he will have to get a bus, or a taxi or walk as he can't drive. He asks me to give him a lift. I make excuses, I try and reason with him. He calls my Son to ask the same questions and my Son tries to reason with him. I understand fully that reasoning doesn't work, but this is wearing me out and stressing me out as it is everyday. The only way of stopping it seems to be to get him to go to bed which he won't do without me. This is getting earlier and earlier. I dread evenings and wish I had a better way of dealing with this. Does anyone have any suggestions.
What do you say
- Thread starter Lin B
- Start date
Hello Lin B
My husband asked/demanded for me to take him home (to Nigeria( we live in London. I' ve learned the hard way that reasoning does NOT work and in fact made my husband very aggitated. The only tactic that sort of worked was distraction. Hopefully with your husband as was with mine it was a phase he went through for some months. It is very distressing but you need to try to have the mindset that it's the Dementia talking. I wish you well and hopefully this phase of your husband's dementia will pass. Wishing you all the best Take care.
Hello @Lin B
This was one of my biggest hurdles.
My husband packed whatever receptacle he could find every night for what seemed like forever.
All suitcases were in the garage but he found bin liners and supermarket bags and packed them ready to go.
I usually managed to persuade him to wait until `tomorrow` but occasionally he insisted on going and went out dragging these bags behind him.
I have never been able to drive so that was one thing I didn`t have to face.
I used to follow him at a distance with my mobile in one hand and house keys in another.
All I can say is it will pass.
The cause is sundowning.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
This was one of my biggest hurdles.
My husband packed whatever receptacle he could find every night for what seemed like forever.
All suitcases were in the garage but he found bin liners and supermarket bags and packed them ready to go.
I usually managed to persuade him to wait until `tomorrow` but occasionally he insisted on going and went out dragging these bags behind him.
I have never been able to drive so that was one thing I didn`t have to face.
I used to follow him at a distance with my mobile in one hand and house keys in another.
All I can say is it will pass.
The cause is sundowning.
Sundowning and dementia
Sometimes a person with dementia will behave in ways that are difficult to understand in the late afternoon or early evening. This is known as 'Sundowning'.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
Hi @LinB - I had this problem for a few months. My husband would wake up in the night (usually around 3.00am) and need to go 'home'. Sometimes (not often) distractions worked. I would suggest a cup of tea first because it was a long drive etc. Sometimes he wouldn't accept that but had to 'go'. I would get him in the car and drive for a short while until he decided it was pointless. I usually had to drive for no more than a couple of miles. Once he realised 'home' wasn't where he thought it was, he wanted to go back to our real home. I'm not sure if it will work for you but it may be worth a try. It was very distressing while it lasted but hasn't happened for a long time now (touch wood).
@Lin B , as the others suggest, distraction is the only option. My wife has been the same for as long as I can remember. I come across as very positive and tell her to give me a little bit of time to get organised then we'll go. It works for me. Most people on here have experienced but that's not much comfort to you. You'll experience a lot of other things as time progresses and you have to learn to live in their world as that's the real world to them.
Thanks everyone for your responses. I try hard to live in his world but some days I just can't do it. I fear for my own sanity at times. I Hope beyond hope that this is a phase that passes. Lord only knows how scared he must be so I will continue to try my best. X
I know how you feel. My OH is forever packing up things, in whatever box or bag he can find, as he is moving out and going to his "folks home" - in Zimbabwe, as he`s adamant it is only a few miles away! Once upon a time, up to quite recently if I`m honest, I would waste an hour or so trying to talk him out of the notion, but now I just go and make myself a cup of coffee or disappear to the bedroom for 15 minutes. I then return, put on the television or start a new totally unrelated conversation.
