Visiting mum whilst in respite care

[GennyWren]

Hi.
My mum lives with my brother and he recently put her into respite care, initially for a couple of weeks. It now turns out she's in for another 2 weeks. She's been in this care home before and seems quite settled.

I get to see mum once a month (long story) so I'm thinking of going to the care home to visit, and possibly take her out for the day. Is it a good idea to do this? I assume that the care home doesn't mind if I take her out (I'll be contacting them to check), but as I don't see mum very often, I wondered if it would be too unsettling if I visited. Any thoughts please?

 

[canary]

Hello @GennyWren

I used to take my mum out and do simple things like going to the park and having lunch, walking along the sea front and having an icecream or going to a garden centre. I did take her shopping a couple of times, but she had a tendency to wander off, so I took a friend as well so we could both keep an eye on her.

There are two main dangers with taking someone out. One is that before they are settled they may decide that they are not going back into the care home. The other is that there may be problems if they start sundowning (especially if they are tired from the day out). Have a chat with the manager about whether your mum is ready for a day out yet - it might be better to leave it this time, but to take her out next time you visit - and also find out whether she sundowns and, if so, what time she starts. My mum used to start sundowning at about 4.00pm, so I used to get her back to the care home for tea and cake at 3.00pm.

As time went on she couldnt cope with being out for a whole day and I found I had to bring her back earlier and earlier until eventually she couldnt cope with even going to the cafe literally down the road for coffee and cake, which was a great shame. The first time you take her out it might be better to do just a few hours and see how she copes.

I loved taking mum out and I hope you have enjoyable days too
xxx

 

[Jessbow]

Visit, but I wouldnt take her out

 

[Muttimuggle]

You could take in some treats like a nice cake, things to look at such as recent photos, a little present, that sort of thing...in an attempt to make it a special visit. In the summer |I was attempting to take my mother out at once a week but, not only has it got colder but also I have had other big commitments on my mind like a husband undergoing major surgery. I have not actually even visited for the last week. When I go, these days I usually take a flask of tea and a Tunnock's teacake - not too much too spoil her appetite for her dinner! Her care home is quite basic and I visit my mother in her room and they generally don't supply tea for the relatives. I used to fret about not taking her out but a little fuss within the care home seems to satisfy her.I think it was more me that was worrying about not taking her out rather than her...and if your mother seems settled, why upset the boat?

 

[GennyWren]

Thanks everyone for you replies.

My thought was that as she is normally happy to see me when I pick her up from my brothers, that it would be no different taking her out for the day from the home.

So basically, it's a good idea to visit her but possibly not take her out. Maybe I should talk to the home about taking mum out and see how she's coping. I don't get to see her very often so any time I get to spend with her is precious.

 

[Banjomansmate]

If she believes she is only in for respite care she could well think that you are taking her home and not that it was just for a trip out. Better to just visit and spend the time doing something with her in the home I would think.

 

[GennyWren]

Just a quick update .. I visited mum today in the care home. She was happy to see me and when I asked what she wanted to do she said 'go out'. I spoke to the staff and they said mum was in good spirits and it would be ok to take her out. So I did. We had a lovely time and when it came to taking her back there was no problem. She seemed cheerful, saying hello to everyone. But thank you everyone for your advice. If she had been out of sorts, I would definitely have stayed at the home with her.

 

[Izzy]

That’s great news @GennyWren. I’m glad it went well.

 

[canary]

So pleased you had a lovely day
xx

 

[Chaplin]

That’s great to hear. So pleased you got to spend quality time with your mum.

 

[Muttimuggle]

That’s great to hear. So pleased you got to spend quality time with your mum.

Just a quick update .. I visited mum today in the care home. She was happy to see me and when I asked what she wanted to do she said 'go out'. I spoke to the staff and they said mum was in good spirits and it would be ok to take her out. So I did. We had a lovely time and when it came to taking her back there was no problem. She seemed cheerful, saying hello to everyone. But thank you everyone for your advice. If she had been out of sorts, I would definitely have stayed at the home with her.

Well done for making the right decision.It sounds to have been good for both of you.

 

[sdmhred]

Brilliant 😊 We know our loved ones the best 👍👍 I’m glad u had a good time amidst the other difficulties

 

[pauld1961]

Hi.
My mum lives with my brother and he recently put her into respite care, initially for a couple of weeks. It now turns out she's in for another 2 weeks. She's been in this care home before and seems quite settled.

I get to see mum once a month (long story) so I'm thinking of going to the care home to visit, and possibly take her out for the day. Is it a good idea to do this? I assume that the care home doesn't mind if I take her out (I'll be contacting them to check), but as I don't see mum very often, I wondered if it would be too unsettling if I visited. Any thoughts please?

hi GennyWren,
when my Dad was in respite for 2 weeks i was there a few times and took him out every time but he was close to the sea and enjoyed a ice-cream when we went out so he knew he would get a treat as well as a walk, the home he was in they made people sit all the time so getting him out was a great thing because as they say if you don't use it you lose it and that includes walking.
taking your Mum out would be good mentally and physically but a shame its this time of year as you are limited to where you go unless you have a indoor shopping centre near your Mums place of residence.

Paul D