It’s called Vivitonin or Propentofylline. All it really does is increase the blood flow to the brain so more of a management medication than a cure. It takes a while to have any effect but I am not really expecting too much. She’s a lovely old girl.
Ten years on
- Thread starter Lawson58
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Like you say, many of us are in that position. It's difficult to say, but I do the same for my wife. I feel it makes things easier by accepting the situation, knuckle down and get on with it in the knowledge she'd do the same for me.
I am sorry to hear about your spaniel and it gets really difficult when a dog becomes incontinent.
My old girl is also starting to lose her sight but I have had a dog go blind and she coped very well.
She always slept with my husband but recently she wants to be with me and is a little clingy.
Anyway no decision to be made about her yet as we still have to wait for results to come back. It is just awful having to think about it. I am glad that you have another little friend with you. Nothing like a cuddle with a warm furry loving friend to bring comfort in the bad times.
I also had a dog that went blind but he coped very well. It is so hard when they get old, anticipating what is to come. xx
It’s been a while since I last posted. Lots has happened but I think that all of this now as the progression of a life cycle and that we somehow have to learn to live a life within the parameters that nature offers us.
My old dog is having surgery tomorrow to remove a mast cell tumour from her hind leg and we won’t know what her future holds until the pathology results come back. She has had arthritis for some time, is starting to go blind and is on medication for dementia.so we might have some hard decisions to make in the future.
OH is declining to the point where it is becoming more obvious to family, especially when we are out somewhere. We have just had a meal together at a Korean restaurant and he was the first to start tucking in and ate steadily all night, being the last to stop eating. He had declared that no, he didn’t want birthday cake but ordered ice cream. He decided that actually he would have cake, not one slice but two, always saying that he doesn’t like sweet things. So when he got home he had another bowl of ice cream and a few pieces of chocolate.
He is starting to find it hard to understand simple yes/no questions and his speech can be hard to understand. He fails to understand the unwritten laws of conversation and it can be hard to deflect him from what is going on in his head.
He recently bought me a birthday gift, five CDs of a particular genre of music. He loves country music and knows that I loathe it. No prizes for guessing that the CDs were Country, by an artist I had never heard of and when he gave them to me, they were still in the delivery packaging .
The title of one of the songs is Who’s gonna take the garbage out? which I think it about says it all.
The pup is now one year old and still a big part of my life. I can’t sleep in as he needs to be let out. I am out now more than I have been for a while, taking him for walks and visits to the dog park. And I have casual friends at the dog park so it is a social time for me, a win for both of us.
I have just had a stress ECG test which was a little daunting but I knew the supervising doctor and she said that I had ‘aced’ it.
Personally, I am in the best place I have been in for a long time. I seem to have reached a point after all these years when I have been able to split my life in two. There’s the bit where I have to be a carer and then there’s the bit that is ME! Recently when we were going out to dinner, he said he didn’t need his glasses because I could read the menu for him. I actually made him go and get his glasses because I refused to read the menu for him when he was able to do it for himself.
While my husband is as he is and that includes playing bridge at the club as he did today, I am determined to continue being out and about as much as I can. I know that finally I have found my path to coping with the situation as it is now and I have revived that teenage rebel that got lost along the way. I think that as the world needs rebels, I am a perfect fit at the age of 80 years. ⚡️⚡️⚡️
I finally feel as if I have left so much of him behind and that caring is something that follows me rather than rules me.I don’t neglect my carer obligations but I cannot abandon my own life.
I got my nails done today, a manicure and my nails painted. I have a couple of special occasions coming up so I had something special done for my nails. My granddaughter thinks she has a cool grandmama.
My old dog is having surgery tomorrow to remove a mast cell tumour from her hind leg and we won’t know what her future holds until the pathology results come back. She has had arthritis for some time, is starting to go blind and is on medication for dementia.so we might have some hard decisions to make in the future.
OH is declining to the point where it is becoming more obvious to family, especially when we are out somewhere. We have just had a meal together at a Korean restaurant and he was the first to start tucking in and ate steadily all night, being the last to stop eating. He had declared that no, he didn’t want birthday cake but ordered ice cream. He decided that actually he would have cake, not one slice but two, always saying that he doesn’t like sweet things. So when he got home he had another bowl of ice cream and a few pieces of chocolate.
He is starting to find it hard to understand simple yes/no questions and his speech can be hard to understand. He fails to understand the unwritten laws of conversation and it can be hard to deflect him from what is going on in his head.
He recently bought me a birthday gift, five CDs of a particular genre of music. He loves country music and knows that I loathe it. No prizes for guessing that the CDs were Country, by an artist I had never heard of and when he gave them to me, they were still in the delivery packaging .
The title of one of the songs is Who’s gonna take the garbage out? which I think it about says it all.
The pup is now one year old and still a big part of my life. I can’t sleep in as he needs to be let out. I am out now more than I have been for a while, taking him for walks and visits to the dog park. And I have casual friends at the dog park so it is a social time for me, a win for both of us.
I have just had a stress ECG test which was a little daunting but I knew the supervising doctor and she said that I had ‘aced’ it.
Personally, I am in the best place I have been in for a long time. I seem to have reached a point after all these years when I have been able to split my life in two. There’s the bit where I have to be a carer and then there’s the bit that is ME! Recently when we were going out to dinner, he said he didn’t need his glasses because I could read the menu for him. I actually made him go and get his glasses because I refused to read the menu for him when he was able to do it for himself.
While my husband is as he is and that includes playing bridge at the club as he did today, I am determined to continue being out and about as much as I can. I know that finally I have found my path to coping with the situation as it is now and I have revived that teenage rebel that got lost along the way. I think that as the world needs rebels, I am a perfect fit at the age of 80 years. ⚡️⚡️⚡️
I finally feel as if I have left so much of him behind and that caring is something that follows me rather than rules me.I don’t neglect my carer obligations but I cannot abandon my own life.
I got my nails done today, a manicure and my nails painted. I have a couple of special occasions coming up so I had something special done for my nails. My granddaughter thinks she has a cool grandmama.
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Hi @Lawson58 I am sorry to hear about your older dog, it is so hard that they have short lives, and knowing that there will be sad decisions to make. I am glad that you are managing to find some happiness in this life as a carer - it is a complicated learning process where the challenges continue to change and we have to continue to adapt. It does sound like you are able to emotionally distance yourself from your husband and his disease, and give yourself permission to have some sort of life of your own. I, like you, am finding life a bit easier. My OH has deteriorated a lot over the last 6 months. He has no short term memory, very limited functioning, and sleeps much of the time. He is not incontinent and he can be left alone, I am making the most of this - enjoying long dog walks, and meeting friends for coffee. My brother in law had my husband to stay for a couple of days - he told me he was exhausted!! At least he now understands!!
your nails are pretty. i understand what you mean by not doing something that they can manage themselves. and making time for yourself. if you dont do it, nobody else will. i do the caring but also make time for me. i think its a balance you have to get to so that that caring is a big part of my life but not my entire life. same with the kids. i think you are right that there are many different roles that make the whole. to be happy, i think you seem to have it in proportion. hope the dog decision is not a hard one.
The nails look great but how are you going to do the gardening now...? 😁
P.S. Can we have more pics of your weird Antipodean plants, please?
P.S. Can we have more pics of your weird Antipodean plants, please?
I’m glad you’re feeling you have some of your own life back 😀 Dementia caring is like a dance - we have to constantly jig to take some care of ourselves.
Im so sorry about the old dog - the tears I have shed in the vet rooms for my 4 legged friends 😭😭
You keep going - you’re an inspirationail 80 year old 🥰🥰
Im so sorry about the old dog - the tears I have shed in the vet rooms for my 4 legged friends 😭😭
You keep going - you’re an inspirationail 80 year old 🥰🥰
Hi @Lawson58 - you said "My granddaughter thinks she has a cool grandmama." Now that can't be bad! That in itself is enough to lift the spirits.
I've just learned from my eldest sister, who lives near Vancouver, that her granddaughter (my great-niece) has got engaged, and that the young man in question is so well liked by her friends' mums that one actually said that if she and he ever break up they'll keep him, instead of her, as their friend!😍
I've just learned from my eldest sister, who lives near Vancouver, that her granddaughter (my great-niece) has got engaged, and that the young man in question is so well liked by her friends' mums that one actually said that if she and he ever break up they'll keep him, instead of her, as their friend!😍
Hi,
I am just loitering here on the Alzheimer’s forum and was taken by your post, my husband only received his diagnosis of early onset dementia last summer. We have grandchildren, I am a nurse part time now, and I have elderly mum and mum in law, I try to help with childcare. I feel just like you do some days, being pulled in every direction, knackered and bloody sad most days. It’s absolutely bloody rubbish but I felt like i wanted to reach out to you. I hope things are ok at the moment x
Hi @Ssteph - you said "being pulled in every direction" - well your post shows you've got a lot on your plate and so its not surprising if you feel tired and lonely. If there is a minute or three in your day, then you must take time to do something for yourself. I know it's not easy, but you don't want to become a patient because you haven't looked after yourself, or got enough help.
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I know how you feel that everyone seems to put demands on you and that you are being overstretched. I know that with the cost of living these days, that caring for your grandchildren has economic implications for your family and that is really important.
I think that when I wrote that post I was just so exhausted that I had hit rock bottom. It was different to depression but I think it was my turning point. Everyone tells you to look after yourself but that is hard when it feels as if you simply don’t have time or the motivation to do that.
I am fortunate that even though the experience has been a long one, my husband is still able to do lots for himself(that’s if I push him into it). I think back in January I took back my life from being just a carer to being equally responsible for OH and and for me as human being too.
I hope your husband is managing and that you find a way of juggling the business of living.
Morning,
Thank you for taking the time to reply and I was pleased to read that you found the turning point. I absolutely understand your comments about not feeling depressed as such, this is how I feel, it is more than depression. I hope I find my turning point soon. Surprisingly, my husband can work and drive at the moment, he had this frontal damage which means he does not think there is much wrong other than a few memory problems. He cannot make a plan, he is unable to cook a meal, technology and finances are difficult and he is unable to learn anything new. Lack of empathy and understanding are the biggest things for me, it is difficult for him to show affection and rarely says thank you. All this makes him seem rude and ungrateful, yet all the time he has an attitude of not having Dementia.
Sorry this post has dragged on a bit!
Thank you again for your time
Empathy! I think everyone here understands the impact of lack of empathy on how hard it is to deal with dementia. I just hate being treated like my husband’s personal servant . I am now very uncooperative if he wants me to do something that I know he can still do. He uses the phone all the time when it’s about playing bridge but expects me to ring the hairdresser to make an appointment for him. No Thank You,
I think that the lack of empathy is one thing that other people including Joe Public can never understand or perhaps think it even matters because they have had no experience with it. And for the one with dementia not understanding that they have any problems means that it is obviously you who is to blame.
One of the biggest hurdles is that you have no idea of how long you will have to organise your life around someone else’s disease. That really bugged me but the enforced lockdowns of Covid forced me to stay still for a while and remember to breathe.
I have just had a day all to myself as my husband was playing bridge all day. I notice that when he is out of the house, my energy levels are much, much better. I don’t even mind doing a bit of housework.
It is a positive for you that at least your husband is still working at the moment. Just remember that as his condition progresses that you need to ask for help if you need it. And Please jump in here or on any other of the threads on this forum. That’s what we are all here for.
I hope you can find some relief soon, Ssteph, and get some of this oppression taken off you. Yet again, I am amazed at the variety of presentations of dementia - some patients continue with complicated things such as Lawton’s husband’s bridge and your husband still working and driving. Mine does almost nothing except sit in a chair and watch tv. He asks me if I am OK every time I come back in the room but doesn’t really want an answer. He sometimes asks if he can help so now I always say please brush the dog and repeat that it would be helpful if you did that every day, but he would never pick up the brush although it is on view all the time. And if he hasn’t asked to help and I mention it, I am nagging! Like Lawson, I feel quite energised and get on with things when he is still in bed in the mornings (I get up early and he sleeps very late) but that fades as soon as he comes down and I make very little progress with anything.
