Talking till you are blue in the face

[cymbid]

My mum, 91 , recently had a bad fall, and was in hospital for 10 days. Released home . She has never had a care package , does not want one and on discussion with the SW dept they could not see what she could be needing anyway.
She lives alone. sleeps downstairs , (showerroom downstairs) She feeds herself and does a bit of housework . She takes her meds and manages mostly with my brother doing her shopping (and popping every other day ) and me doing her paperwork/banking etc and visiting from 80 miles once a week.

She will not put the heating on , turns it off as soon as i leave the house. She often does not put the fire on in the morning (sits with gloves and blankets ) Its on if she knows we are visiting . She unplugs the phone in the livingroom (the hall one is hardwired)

She says she unplugs things at night as its what shes always done. The heating is mainly being mean with money (she can readily afford her bills )My brother and I have told her , reasoned with her , even threatened if she falls in the night when the house is 5 degrees she could die.

Banging your head against a brick wall. She just says ..... thats just me . and i know she will not change . Rant over

 

[SeaSwallow]

@cymbid This must be such a worry for you especially during these cold months. I am not an expert on them but would it be possible to install a HIVE system so that you could control the heating. You would have to check if it would work from where you live.

 

[cymbid]

She does not have internet ( I dont need that ......) and i believe she would just unplug it . We are attempting to get a Mecs alarm system fitted in case she falls again. Im putting up a keysafe (against her wishes) and not telling her the code . She doesnt want strangers in the house. Im just hoping she will wear the wristband or button.

 

[SeaSwallow]

I really cannot think of anything else at present. But it is a good idea to try to get your mum to use the falls alarm.

 

[wurrienot]

My dad was exactly the same. When he lived in his old house, there was no heating - he disconnected the boiler years ago. When we moved him nearer to us he refused to have the heating on until I arranged for a ' doctor' ( actually someone from AS) to talk to him. His answer was that nobody ever died of cold. He got told! After a lecture about stubborn people blocking NHS beds through getting too cold, he agreed to give it a try. I put tape over all the boiler lights so he wouldn't be reminded about it and now, a year on, he accepts that this house has heating.

 

[cymbid]

I went up to visit today . Arrived around 11am. No fire on, No heating on. She said she was just up but then when i queried the fresh dressing on her leg , admitted the nurse had been around 9am. I Put the gas fire on , and the heating. We left in the afternoon. My brother visited early evening. She was sitting in the dark , no heating , no fire . She had a hot water bottle and a blanket. Hat and gloves. Nothing is going to change her ........ I just know we are going to find her on the floor with hypothermia some day

 

[Banjomansmate]

Even a falls alarm doesn’t always work as they forget to press the button to call someone.

 

[cymbid]

She has recently had a MECs system and keysafe installed. She has since unplugged the receiver and wont wear the necklace. Honestly its hopeless