Suspecting my husband has early dementia

[HollynAR]

We've been married for 28 years. He is 49, I'm 48. So needless to say I know this man well. This past January, something changed quickly. He wasn't himself, he had a "psychosis" episode even though he has no history of mental illness. He had paranoid delusions and hallucinations. He did some things like empty our bank account because he thought I was laundering money. He imagined men here who weren't here. He didn't sleep for days and drove himself to the ER one night at 2:30am without waking me up, when he is a man who I would normally have to convince to see a dr and he would never go alone. He would search everything in our house, including my purse, looking for something. He was convinced I was hiding things from him. He even demanded to see his truck title one, as if I had some conspiracy to hide with the title. He was even eating things he never would normally eat at random times of the day.

We saw the GP after the ER visit who ran some tests and did a brain MRI without contrast that was normal. They then said they would refer him to a psychiatrist which he refused. He's always been healthy but has a strong family history of heart disease and diabetes. Since then, he's gotten better in the sense that he hasn't hallucinated (or at least hasn't told me), started sleeping better, but he is still not himself at all. His entire personality is different and he still seems paranoid, mostly about me, for no reason. He had followed me to my place of work a couple of times, tries to facetime me while I'm at work, for me to prove I'm really there.

I spoke to someone about his wife who was diagnosed with early dementia, and during the conversation, it was as if he was describing my exact situation, almost 100%. Since then, I've been reading on some of the early signs of dementia and this is where it's lead me. I feel like my life may be permanently changed after learning about this and realizing this may very well be my new reality. Does any of this behavior sound familiar? Am I barking up the right tree? TIA

 

[Kevinl]

You are never alone on here, always someone here to listen if nothing else.
Please say what you want, we are not here to judge you, just help if we can. K

 

[Fugs]

@HollynAR , I don't know. My wife has early onset Alzheimer's, and the initial signs seemed much more subtle, with a growing body of evidence rather than dramatic changes. My wife also had an MRI with no contrast, that showed nothing unusual. The trouble is every PWD is different. It might be dementia, but it might be something else. Regardless it is distressing for you. My wife was referred to a Psychiatrist, which is when Alzheimer's was first diagnosed, so if you can get your husband there it may be useful. Take care.

 

[canary]

These symptoms could be early onset dementia and the scan doesn't yet show the changes, but there are other things can show symptoms similar to dementia - things like vitamin B12 deficiency, thyroid imbalance, low sodium levels and, indeed, mental health issues.

Has your husband had blood tests to rule out a lot of these things? If not, get the doctor to organise it
xx

 

[SherwoodSue]

I am so sorry that you are facing this with such a young husband. There are many things that could be happening here but I feel your hope of getting of getting to the bottom of things rests with a psychiatrist
Do you think husband could be persuaded to go to ‘rule out’ certain things?

Would he go with you to a GP?

I think I would reach out to the banks etc and tell them what’s going on, see if they have any advise for you even though there is no diagnosis

I don’t want to frighten you but your husband is very much changed and might change further. Always have your phone on you , always keep it charged. Leave an emergency bag with a friend or neighbour who lives nearby
Make a GP appointment for yourself. Let the doctor know what you are going through
This is tough and you need to look after yourself
Thinking of you.

 

[HollynAR]

When he went to the doctor visit, they did some blood test but I'm not sure what tests were done and the dr can't give me that info. They just said they were all normal. He's very stubborn about seeing doctors and I had to threaten to move into our guest room to get him to go to that one. He then refused the psychiatrist referral and right now I don't think there's much I could do to get him to go.

I think there were some signs that things were different before this winter but I missed them. I had considered vitamin deficiencies but assumed the dr had tested for those. I am looking out for myself through all of this, considering all situations and he never showed any aggression or violence. I hadn't really considered dementia until talking with someone, like I mentioned above, that described how their wife started and how the diagnosis was made. It was almost exact including the paranoid delusions and personality change. I had noticed that he forgets certain things I tell him but wrote off most of it as he just doesn't listen. I will be paying much closer attention to that now.

 

[Violet Jane]

You need to protect yourself financially too. Consider paying your own money (salary, interest on savings etc) into a separate account in your name only as he may go on emptying your joint account. Btw, what has happened to that money?

I would start keeping a daily diary of odd or worrying behaviours which you can summarise and show to doctors.

How is your husband managing at work?

 

[HollynAR]

He had moved the money into an account in his name, and then went back 2 days later and put it back into our joint account. He is working and doing ok with it from what I know. I like the idea of keeping a journal, I will consider doing just that.

 

[bagrat]

This is so tough on you. Certainly make an appt with your GP for you. Unfortunately to access his medical records he would have to sign a form at the surgery, which by the sound of it is unlikely to happen.
Has he got a mate who could talk to him as it will be so hard for you? Or a family member that knows him well? Sorry for all questions. Have other people noticed a change?
I have noticed certain changes in my OH for years but no one else did inc. family
So sorry you are having to cope with this worry and uncertainty.

 

[HollynAR]

He will not talk to anyone about it, typical stubborn man who would rather pretend nothing is going on. Our oldest son and his wife know about it although my husband doesn't know that. My daughter in law said she did pick up on differences but we only see them about once per month. We live in a remote area, no neighbors. He works out of town a lot but works with a close friend who knows how to reach me although he's not aware of any of this.

 

[Fugs]

Do you have contact with anyone from where he works? My wife had been telling me that work was fine, until there was a big issue and she came home in tears. I later found out that people at work had been noticing issues for a while, but noone had contacted me. If you know no-one I wonder if you could contact HR. I realise that this is all a delicate issue, with a significant chance of backfiring.

 

[HollynAR]

Do you have contact with anyone from where he works? My wife had been telling me that work was fine, until there was a big issue and she came home in tears. I later found out that people at work had been noticing issues for a while, but noone had contacted me. If you know no-one I wonder if you could contact HR. I realise that this is all a delicate issue, with a significant chance of backfiring.

I do, but I don't know if they would tell me about it, sort of a brotherhood trust thing.

 

[Gallusliv]

I am really sorry to hear of your situation. I’m not an expert in dementia, just on here as the forum has helped me with caring for my dad. However, my husband experienced two periods of psychosis aged 38 (he’s now 46) that can pretty much out the blue. What you are describing with the odd behaviour and the paranoia sounds quite similar to my husband’s behaviour in between the two episodes. The first episode came after he had been experiencing a lot of stress and had not been sleeping. It was pretty extreme and he was sectioned for a month. When he came out of hospital, I naively thought he was better and would be ok now he was on medication. He then had a further episode, again sectioned, 4 months later. After that, he was off work for 6 months and made major changes to his lifestyle, reducing his hours to part time, exercising daily etc. This, along with some counselling, helped him to get things under control and his sleep back to normal. He was diagnosed as bipolar 1 while in the hospital but has not taken any medication for the last 7 years and has not had any further episodes. So, if it helps at all, it may not be dementia and it may not be that you are looking at a life long issue. I really hope you are able to convince him to get more help from the GP and other services & that you are able to get support yourself. It’s a hellish thing to go through. X

 

[HollynAR]

I am really sorry to hear of your situation. I’m not an expert in dementia, just on here as the forum has helped me with caring for my dad. However, my husband experienced two periods of psychosis aged 38 (he’s now 46) that can pretty much out the blue. What you are describing with the odd behaviour and the paranoia sounds quite similar to my husband’s behaviour in between the two episodes. The first episode came after he had been experiencing a lot of stress and had not been sleeping. It was pretty extreme and he was sectioned for a month. When he came out of hospital, I naively thought he was better and would be ok now he was on medication. He then had a further episode, again sectioned, 4 months later. After that, he was off work for 6 months and made major changes to his lifestyle, reducing his hours to part time, exercising daily etc. This, along with some counselling, helped him to get things under control and his sleep back to normal. He was diagnosed as bipolar 1 while in the hospital but has not taken any medication for the last 7 years and has not had any further episodes. So, if it helps at all, it may not be dementia and it may not be that you are looking at a life long issue. I really hope you are able to convince him to get more help from the GP and other services & that you are able to get support yourself. It’s a hellish thing to go through. X

Thank you for that info. I will be paying close attention and keeping a journal of things I notice. If it escalates, I will have to give an ultimatum to get him to see a psychiatrist but I'm prepared to do that. I work and can support myself if need be, and unfortunately I've had to think about that a lot since it's a very possible reality.

 

[Fugs]

I do, but I don't know if they would tell me about it, sort of a brotherhood trust thing.

I have had a ponder of this and think it might be worth giving it a try. They may be saying nothing to you because they are worried about how you would respond. You can keep it low key and non-confrontational such as: "I am a little concerned about xxxxxxx health how best to support him. I wondered if you had noticed anything at work". At least it then gives them an opportunity to respond. If they don't want to respond, then you have lost nothing. But a true friend will have their best interests in mind, and certainly you do.

 

[Kevinl]

Just for reference "typical stubborn man" Other gendes are available in the stubbornness arena. Been there, done that and still carry the scars both physically and mentally, from being a carer for wife and mum, try not to be so sexist men can and do care too and we have feelings too.
Where I to say "typical stubborn woman" on here I'd rightly expect to get a, well negative response, and rightly so...
shut up K

 

[DeeCee7]

Just for reference "typical stubborn man" Other gendes are available in the stubbornness arena. Been there, done that and still carry the scars both physically and mentally, from being a carer for wife and mum, try not to be so sexist men can and do care too and we have feelings too.
Where I to say "typical stubborn woman" on here I'd rightly expect to get a, well negative response, and rightly so...
shut up K

You make an interesting point @Kevinl. Would this apply to your quotation too?
“ If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?”

 

[Kevinl]

Absolutely, fair point DeeCee7, i do apologise if it caused anyone any offence unreservedly. K

 

[DeeCee7]

Absolutely, fair point DeeCee7, i do apologise if it caused anyone any offence unreservedly. K

None at all, it’s just a bit of banter. We must all try to cut ourselves, and others, a bit more slack sometimes.
I enjoy reading all your contributions @Kevini, great observations, advice and support and often delivered with great humour!