Say hello and introduce yourself

Status
Not open for further replies.

coucer

New member
Dec 11, 2023
1
0
Hello, my name is Chris. I live in London, and I'm supporting my mum, who is living some distance away in Lincolnshire. My dad is her carer, and I've jointed this forum to find out about how I can help more, and to try to plan for the future. My mum is 88, and my dad is to be 85 in January. He has a number of underlying health conditions. I'm also an only child, and I'm a bit bewildered by it all! I'm doing a lot of driving between my home and their home when I need to give them some additional support. I speak with them every day. I look forward to virtually meeting other people :)
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,492
0
Newcastle
Hi @coucer and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. Have a good look around, ask any questions or join in conversations. You'll find understanding and good ideas here.
 

Gosling

Volunteer Host
Aug 2, 2022
1,739
0
South West UK
Hello @coucer and welcome to this friendly and supportive forum from me also. There is a lot of shared experience of dementia to be found here, so I am glad you have found us.
I hope you will find this forum useful for information, and any particular advice if you need it, do just ask, as members here really do want to help. You may want to start a new thread in the following section of the forum so members can more easily give advice or suggestions if you need something.

And, by the way, it's also good for letting off a bit of steam when you need to!
 

Rachwom

New member
Jun 29, 2022
1
0
Hello, my name is Rachel and my mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia 5 years ago age 55. She currently lives with her partner of 17 years but this is I believe becoming an unmanageable situation. Her partner wishes to keep her at home but I feel this is not in my mums best interests anymore. I’m concerned for her mental state and there have been a few issues that make me worry about her safety. I have tried to remain amicable for the sake of my mum but now feel like I’m failing her by not acting on my concerns for her wellbeing. With her just turning 60 this week I’m unsure what care is available to her or how I can make steps to get something in place. We have no power of attorney but I am the sole executer named in her will and I’m an only child. I currently see her as much as I can but with work and a young family this is only a couple of times a week. I would love to be able to work with her partner to get something in place but his reluctance to address anything is making this an increasingly distressing situation. Any advise would be much appreciated.
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
6,308
0
Salford
Sorry, I meant to say I never had a POA for my wife or mum, never much seemed to matter. It was deal with me or someone without capicity, I got by but that was then maybe harder to get away with now.
K
 

Denyr24

New member
Dec 29, 2021
6
0
Hello, my mum is 70 and was diagnosed with dementia two years ago. Finding it hard now and hope to learn here
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,334
0
72
Dundee
Hello, my mum is 70 and was diagnosed with dementia two years ago. Finding it hard now and hope to learn here

Welcome to the forum.

I’m sorry to read about your mum. It is hard but I know you will find understanding and support here on the forum.
 

Pearl62

New member
Dec 13, 2023
1
0
My wife, aged 78 years, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 4 years ago. She has got steadily worse over this period. Now she cannot work the t.v. remote control and is unable to follow programmes, even with screen text. I was interested to read about ” hostess mode” today. This is something I recognise in her.
 

2ndAlto

Registered User
Nov 23, 2012
135
0
I am in the same position here, wife of many years has gone and I’m left with a shell of a person. We thought retirement would bring happiness but, it’s just a miserable existence for us both. She started with memory problems just after us catching covid in 2020, since then is been a downhill slope. Sadly I feel she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and the way I feel is dumped by the nhs, memory clinic etc.

If you feel anything like I do, then god help us. Sadly he’s not helping either.
I'm so sorry to hear about your wife. I absolutely agree with your comment about "being dumped" by the NHS etc...I'm not in the UK but when I was diagnosed with cancer in 2020 a whole team moved into place immediately and I was cared for every step of the journey. However, when my OH was diagnosed with Alzheimer's we were just sent off with a leaflet and that was it! Our GP is great but this forum is the best.
 

Angel531

New member
Dec 13, 2023
9
0
Hi, I read somewhere to not correct a person with Dementia if they are talking about things that are not true. Is that correct?
Usually it is better not to correct them, yes. Of course, there are some situations where it might feel important but in those situations often you can divert them by talking about something else. Eg. "Oh aren't those lovely flowers in the garden?" "Is that a new coffee mug you have?" etc. The reason is that their impaired understanding and judgment and reasoning make it hard or impossible for them to understand certain things.
 

lorna-tao

New member
Dec 13, 2023
1
0
Hello Harriet and all in the community,

I would just like to introduce myself and send you all my good wishes.

Hi 🙋‍♀️ I am Lorna 🌺 a slightly 'unconventional', 'messy🐒', creative 🎨 , often manipulative, but kind hearted, recovering 'addict' ( drugs & alcohol, over 10 years alcohol free more than 3 years drug free ) in my mid 50's, newly, very late but FINALLY diagnosed with ADHD, ( I think that covers most of it, and I don't look very much like my photo now 👩‍🦳🤣 )with parents in their 80's. Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's nearly 4 years ago now, us having spotted it pretty much as soon as she started showing signs. This is only perhaps because I was a registered nurse( RGN ) in the 80/90s, and I live close to them so I was seeing them both regularly. Mum started to require incontinence knickers approximately a year ago, and has had periods of time when she would be extremely unsteady on her feet and in Feb, I think it was, broke her hip and spent many weeks stuck in a hospital well over 15 miles away from us ( sorry I know many of you have had loved ones further away than that ! ) I am given to understand that the falls were more than likely due to a vitamin or mineral deficiency and or a urine infection ( which reminds me, I must replenish mum's vitamins ) We are now in a position that my Dad needs more help with my Mum ( for his and my own sanity ), as she is no longer motivated or recalls her routines enough to wash herself daily. I did try to gently assist/encourage Mum regularly for a few months but soon she began to get very frustrated with me and did not want me "bossing her about" and "telling" her what to do and would regularly throw me out of her bathroom or bedroom, and the friction it caused made my Dad very anxious and uncomfortable. I am not sure if this is because Mum and I didn't have the greatest relationship. My Dad has claimed she was at times jealous of my relationship with him, I think he is right to some degree but it goes much deeper than that. She didn't bond with me like Dad did when I was born. Also my undiagnosed ADHD sure did not help ! I was talking non-stop as a child which must have driven her to distraction, and that didn't really stop, as you can see, by the book I am writing here ( sorry ) Mum did, a long time ago explain to me what happened straight after I was born and the months following. This has had an impact on our relationship ever since and at times it has been a strain and as I have said I was certainly NOT an easy child, but that is perhaps for another Forum altogether, or another time. What I am trying to get at is, My Mum may not actually Remember but somewhere deep, on an emotional level Mum feels the tension between us and struggles with me particularly and personally, so I can no longer offer the personal care I wished to. Luckily Mum bonded with my brother much better and they had a great relationship, much like my Dad and I have.

So we are now at a stage where we are trying to find some, better than satisfactory, consistent ( if they actually turn up ! ) affordable home care. The Carer booked for today for 8:30am could not find my parents house and was too late so had to go on to her next customer. There were previously some issues with the office manager, doing the rotas, stating that my Dad had cancelled last weeks carer, which neither I or my Dad recall happening at all. I am aware however that the Manager is new to the role and there are bound to be teething problems, it is very frustrating for my Dad having got up early himself and woken Mum ready for the early ( much earlier than we had previously agreed with the agency ) visit. Mum was now up and dressed in yesterday's clothes probably not prepared to get undressed again, mind you she often insists on going to bed in her 'day' clothes and all Dad manages to encourage her change is her incontinence knickers ! So that's where we are at now, and I am sure many of you can relate ( if any of you are indeed still with me ... or you have nodded off ! )

I also have a wonderful, sensitive, Son, in his first throws of University life about 80 miles away. Sadly he is struggling terribly, he's going through his first breakup at 20, yes his X GF is on the same course. I expect him to come home soon having just about given up trying to feel comfortable still doing the course he is on, which he did try to transfer from, to the one he knew he would more likely be suited doing ( he's doing performance and media 🎬 ) I can't say that his new gaming PC had nothing to do with it, I have a feeling he's been playing too many computer games and that had some impact on the relationship break up. Or it's just young people being young, and it was inevitable they would break up when they both tasted FREEDOM. Mind you, my son has never been given proper boundaries ( my fault entirely ) so he's had way too MUCH freedom, but I believe in him and he will work it all out eventually. I think it might not be until the spring, as the short days and long dark nights have always been when he hibernates away, a bit miserable. I have provided him with plenty of vitamin D3, and essential oils for his vaporiser that he's always found helpful. I am looking forward to seeing him at the end of the week for his xmas break.

I think that is way more than enough for now, I've spewed out my situation much to many of your, no doubt, exasperations ! and you will be shouting 'get a job' or 'write a book' like my besties do 😂 you don't have time for this waffle, you have more than enough to contend with yourselves. I will now browse the forum a bit more, as i've been doing now and again over the past few days. I can now reply to some of your posts, and I look forward to connecting with you over shared experiences.

take care, best wishes
Lorna 🌺
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,732
0
Kent
Welcome @lorna-tao

Have you asked for an assessment of needs for your parents? For mum as a person with dementia and for dad as her carer. It might help for someone to give an objective view of their situation and help you to know where help and support are needed.

Caring for your parents and worrying about your son may mean you are neglecting your own needs and an assessment might help

I’m pleased you have found the Dementia Support Forum and hope it will give you the best support possible.
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
5,840
0
Hello @smokey14 and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. You will find lots of help and advice here. When you are ready please tell us a little more about yourself and your circumstances.
 

Chocolate box

New member
Dec 15, 2023
3
0
Hello my ex husband has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s dementia: although he lives nearby he lives on his own and I am trying to support him as much as possible
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
5,840
0
Hello @Chocolate box and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to read that your ex husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It is good that you are willing to help him in any way that you can but please also be aware of your own well being at all times. Our members have a vast knowledge of dementia in all of its forms. Please keep posting and ask any questions that you may have as they arrive.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,732
0
Kent
Hello @amanda jane Welcome.

If your mother is as ill as her partner says and you haven`t seen her for a while, having you visit may be too much for him to cope with at this stage,

Perhaps you could phone on Tuesday to ask how he got on with social services and then continue to phone regularly and one day he may feel able to have you visit.

Caring for your mum will have put him under so much stress, it is understandable he may not be able to have visitors, even a daughter of the person he is caring for, especially if the relationship is not easy .
 

Brianna

New member
Dec 17, 2023
6
0
Hello. I've joined because I think my friend may have dementia and, if so, I will need to look out for her as she lives on her own. She has severe hearing loss and won't wear her hearing aids, so I'm not sure whether her memory problems are related to her hearing loss, and she's also started to behave out-of character. We're both in our 70s.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,732
0
Kent
Welcome to the Dementia Support Forum @Brianna You are a good friend. I hope this forum will help you if you need to take steps towards helping your friend
 
Status
Not open for further replies.