It’s reassuring to know l am not alone in losing the plot sometimes. When l flip, l tell my partner that l am railing against the ‘mini crisis’, not at him personally. l agree, it doesn’t do one any good bottlimg it up.
Repetitive routine contains problems
- Thread starter Chris100
- Start date
I so identify with those whose partners ‘help’. I could have written half of the posts here! Trying to cook and items being swiped to be washed up. ‘You weren’t using it’. Maybe not at that precise moment I wasn’t but that makes no difference to,him.
I seem to spend my time too rushing round trying to sneakily amend things he’s done (if he catches me he gets angry), find things that either he’s ‘tidied’ or else that he insists are ‘lost’. Evenings are for me to ‘find something on tv for us to watch’.
Respite? He can come over as perfectly ok to other people, ‘I’d never know he had Alzheimer’s!’. We don’t have transport so if I could find and afford anywhere locally it would have to be by bus or taxi. If he refuses….as someone else said, it’s physically impossible to force a man bigger and stronger than you are to do something.
I seem to spend my time too rushing round trying to sneakily amend things he’s done (if he catches me he gets angry), find things that either he’s ‘tidied’ or else that he insists are ‘lost’. Evenings are for me to ‘find something on tv for us to watch’.
Respite? He can come over as perfectly ok to other people, ‘I’d never know he had Alzheimer’s!’. We don’t have transport so if I could find and afford anywhere locally it would have to be by bus or taxi. If he refuses….as someone else said, it’s physically impossible to force a man bigger and stronger than you are to do something.
Our day centre does a pick up and drop off service. Several in our area do so worth checking. They also do a bath/ shower service for an additional charge of less than £10 for those whose pwd need help washing.. Our area charges £35 a day 9:30-3-30 plus £6 if you want cooked dinner. . Well worth it for some hours off 😘
‘Helping’ - I got the black bin out to put in front of the house for the bin men, went inside for more rubbish only to come out to find OH had tidily put it away. Bin Day is written in large letters in his diary. “I was just going to put that out the front” I said. “Oh, I don’t concern myself with the minutiae of housekeeping” says he.😤🤬🤯
Oops....the problem I found with diaries,and I had a weekly dry wipe plan on the fridge, is pwd never looked at it!
I cross out the day before and highlight today. Mine studies his at length but still asks what day it is and if anything is happening.
Thank you for that info,I’ll have a look round to see what sort of thing is available in this area. I’d no idea some will do collection . Makes it sound like bin day😀 Whether I could persuade OH to go is doubtful but thats another battle. Cant face it at the moment. He always says he’s perfectly happy at home thank you, doing his own thing. That’s the b******y problem!!! Him doing his own thing!
I even bought one of those digital clocks that display day/time/date. It worked for a while. Now he forgets to look at it and still asks me umpteen times a day. Same with the calendar in the kitchen.
I completely emphasise with you. When I lose patience with th my OH I berate myself for doing it . I know he cant help it. Just this week I feel he has deteriorated with his accusations and paranoia . At the moment he is still quite active and goes out independently albeit for a couple of hours daily. I try to do my bill paying and phone calls during that time he is away.
Yes my OH comes across as relatively 'normal' when he's with others, so his family accuse me of fabricating/exaggerating his symptoms! They refuse to believe anything I've told them of my 24/7 struggle with his mood changes, paranoid delusions, confusion, disorientation, refusal to accept that he can't go back to work or drive a car, resistance to going out anywhere or having a carer come in, inability to concentrate on anything for very long, accusing me of stealing his tablets/keys/wallet, of not loving him, of having another man, of wishing him dead. It is mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but I love him so I just soldier on and keep hoping for a miracle.
My wife is having a hard time NOT thinking about her Alzheimer's. I work as a 1st grade teacher as I have stated before and am not home during the day. She looks up information about Alzheimer's and gets things stuck in her head that scare her. I talk her off the ledge each time, but it's really difficult to keep having the same conversations. I find that having all our friends in the loop about her condition helps when she is having these tough moments.
I'm sorry that's quite a difficult problem with no easy solution. . I don't honestly think my OH is aware he has dementia. He knows things are not quite right and expresses frustration but he has never acknowledged the word dementia even though we go to dementia cafes and groups.
I suppose your wife is doing what most of us do with a diagnosis for anything , follow up with a visit to Dr Google.
Others may be able to suggest a book with a positive slant to the disease which may help to allay some fears. I understand there are books written by pwd that she might find helpful
I think Wendy Mitchell is an author that is often recommended. .
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I got the Alzheimer’s clock. Since I'm retired it helps me. My wife doesn't mention it, but I suspect she is aware.
