Can totally relate to that. They are very good at playing the victim when they want to. Funny how they can do things for themselves when they are on their own.
Personality vs Dementia?
- Thread starter jay6
- Start date
I didn't understand how to reply to others! Probably been replying to myself. I absolutely agree with your post. Everything familiar but far far worse. Take care xx
Well I had to laugh today because apparently it's only abuse if you get hit or punched. Verbal isn't abuse, its just words said in temper and don't hurt anyone.
I've always been far too sensitive and should have been taught the old saying
Sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you.
Me told, So now I know 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I've always been far too sensitive and should have been taught the old saying
Sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you.
Me told, So now I know 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
i think it hurts more than a smack. it cant be unsaid either. i dont think how thick your skin is is thick enough. i do tell him off when i know he can understand.
I work for a DV organisation and I can confirm that verbal aggression most definitely is abuse and is against the law!! But hey, what do we know. @jennifer1967 is right, it is so much more damaging than being hit, it wounds you in a way that others can't see and destroys you.
Well said @JaxG . I’ve been told to try to grow a thicker skin. Sorry, it’s impossible. In my case, what has been said, stays in my mind long after the event. if you happen to be adopted, how do you ‘forget’ sneering, derogatory remarks about yourself and your birth mother. I’ve never written that down before and though it happened years back I can still hear every word and every look as he said it. Yeah, just grow a thick skin and learn to ignore it.
Like Chizz says a few posts back, we are here because we care, that simple.
We married (not me and Chizz) for better or worse, in sickness and in health, 10 years on here and as I've said before I'd do it all again if I could, tomorrow, in a heartbeat, because I was there for her just like I know she would have been there for me too, had it been the other way round.
Fair comment though, thick skin helps when you get bruised both physically and emotionally. K
We married (not me and Chizz) for better or worse, in sickness and in health, 10 years on here and as I've said before I'd do it all again if I could, tomorrow, in a heartbeat, because I was there for her just like I know she would have been there for me too, had it been the other way round.
Fair comment though, thick skin helps when you get bruised both physically and emotionally. K
Mine understands exactly what he's doing unfortunately Jennifer. It's just got worse when he can't get his own way.
It's nice to know you cared enough to do it all again. Unfortunately I'm really struggling because I know it's not just the dementia and I know he would never have done what I have which doesn't help. You can care and help if it's in your nature but there does reach a point when enough is enough.
He's gone into respite for couple of weeks which I'm really want him to enjoy. He wasn't the slightest bit bothered when I left, just said 'please don't leave me in here' but so cold. No kiss, no hug, nothing. I said I hope he enjoys it and at least he will have a break from the ******* misery who keeps 'picking' on him. To which he replied. No I'll miss you, that's all just words, just temper.
I had to pop back a few hours later as they needed a copy of P.O.A. The women in charge said she'd had a long chat with him to get to know him and said he is very 'with it' and knows exactly what's going on. That he enjoyed his lunch and joined in with the activities.
When I arrived he was sitting with his back towards me, chatting and laughing with one of the residents, who turned out to be someone he'd met a few years ago. John saw me and waved, told OH who waved but didn't bother to even turn round to see me.
Was nice to see him ok and enjoying it but really did hurt.
Do lots of things You want to while he’s on Respite and don’t visit unless you want to (that is not the same as feeling you ‘should’). My OH is mostly lovely, but my ex husband was a bully and nasty controlling man who had left both my children completely messed up so I understand where you are coming from, Looking after someone with dementia is difficult and hard work when we love them deeply, I do not know how you survive it when the love has been eroded by years of mental and/or physical abuse. Enjoy enjoy enjoy the Break.
Thanks Knitandpurl, I intend to. I'm going away for a week's holiday with daughter so won't be able to visit then but siting here at moment feeling guilty about not wanting to go before the holiday. I know I shouldn't.
I'm the same, my OH has said some terrible things - like I came to the marriage with nothing, he had a house. I will never forget these words, said to his wife of 40 years, the woman who has brought up our 3 children, who has managed every single part of our lives.
