thanks
I phoned the all singing and dancing one today and a few queries to see what’s normal:
1) they run a slider on fees. So the more staff hours it takes for you to have ur wash, whether u need the hoist etc - the more cost, I knew if u needed 121 that was v expensive but hadnt heard of a sliding scale. Is that the norm??
2) No phones allowed in memory unit at all for clients. To prevent hassling families - but mum wouldn’t but yet can answer - she wouldn’t be able to make a call.
3) all toiletries locked up to prevent consumption. In case the person that did went into ur room???
4) I tried to tease out what was unacceptable behaviours - and they said anything threatening safety. I didn’t get a clear answer on being verbal.
I don’t think we will pursue as could be as much as £2700 per week but interesting to know what’s usual - please any thoughts are very welcome from those who have been there before!
Does your mum need nursing care? As in has she any illnesses unrelated to dementia?
Mum's home is in East Sussex/Kent which has more expensive homes anyway but the home charges £1700pw for FIL nursing care, MIL residential ( though they will be moving her to the nursing floor soon as now neither she or my FIL are mobile) and mum for dementia care. So the cost is the same regardless of care level and this particular home is the second most expensive of those within my area. £2700 is astronomical and does sound like 1 to 1 care.
Are relatives free to come and go or phone at any time of the day and night ? This is the case at mum's home so if it is with the one you were looking at then they will just transfer the call to a mobile on the dementia floor whenever you want to speak to your relative.
Other residents wandering in and taking stuff from someone else's room is expected, accepted and unavoidable. This is why all toiletries and medication are locked away and I, maybe incorrectly, assumed this would be the case for all dementia care home. It also stops mobile but less mentally able residents from ingesting things they shouldn't. It took me a while but I'm now very used to mum wearing other people's clothes and having other people's books and teddies etc in her room, while her own are missing. This behaviour seems to be totally normal and doesn't seem upset other residents.
If the home is a good home I think once someone is resident it would only be a worse case scenario that they would be asked to leave. If being verbally aggressive is going to cause an upset then the home, in my view is rubbish. I would imagine if it is only if the resident is a physical threat to staff or residents' safety that they'd have to be removed.
Personally, I would judge by how interested they are in both your relative and yourself, as opposed to whizzing round for a look round and doing the sales talk. The head nurse was genuinely interested in my welfare and discussed in great detail what her thoughts were about mum's behaviour (from what I was telling her). She gave me advice on what I could do if mum wasn't going to be in a home. One of the most important things to me is that the nurses liase with the gp and mental health worker to tweak mum's medication and diagnosis without me having to get involved in the logistics at all. That in itself is such a relief.
One more thing. This sliding scale sounds odd. I looked at several large/flashy homes for mum and have never come across this. Check how many carers there are per resident and how many nurses. I think mum's is 1 carer per 5 residents, 1 nurse per 20 residents and 4 activities staff for the whole home. Plus reception, dining, kitchen staff get involved alot too. And, I said this before, but they don't have a high staff turnover or agency staff. Any shortages and they swap and change with staff from another site.
My thoughts on a smaller home is that less residents means less chance of meeting someone you get on with or find interesting and, presumably (?) a smaller variety of activities and entertainment. Though the plusses would be a cosier family atmosphere.
