Hi, my 81 year old, otherwise healthy, husband has recently been diagnosed and put on medication. I find I am struggling with always being wrong and not doing what he wants me to. How is best to handle these situations?
New to the world of alzheimers
- Thread starter christielola
- Start date
Hi @christielola and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. I am sorry to hear about your husband. My short answer to your question is that it is not easy to deal with all the changes that Alzheimer's Disease will bring. Always seeming to be in the wrong and 'blamed' while doing what one thinks is best is hard to handle. But you will learn from trial and error as well as the good suggestions and understanding that you will find here. When things seem overwhelming never hesitate to come here to ask questions or let off steam. We will do all that we can to help.
Unfortunately that’s a very common situation. The person with dementia (PWD) can’t make sense of the world. Things are confusing, but they don’t realise that they have anything wrong with them. A lack of insight into their own condition is also very common. So anything confusing must be the fault of somebody other than them - which is generally their closest carer.
There’s no reasoning with this, as to the PWD, it’s absolutely their reality and they won’t accept anything different. Going along with the story they adopt to explain what’s going on, is the usual way to deal with it. Or staying as neutral as possible. Also going into another room to scream silently and curse under your breath, then come back in after a few minutes. Sometimes that brief interruption allows them to forget what they were upset or angry about, and you can carry on as though nothing had been wrong.
My Mum was having a day like that yesterday. Trying to have a conversation with her was impossible, as she contradicted and complained about everything we said - then wound up by telling us we were being unreasonable and argumentative, and that we were blaming her for everything that was wrong (when there was nothing actually wrong to begin with). It’s wearing, no doubt about it.
There’s no reasoning with this, as to the PWD, it’s absolutely their reality and they won’t accept anything different. Going along with the story they adopt to explain what’s going on, is the usual way to deal with it. Or staying as neutral as possible. Also going into another room to scream silently and curse under your breath, then come back in after a few minutes. Sometimes that brief interruption allows them to forget what they were upset or angry about, and you can carry on as though nothing had been wrong.
My Mum was having a day like that yesterday. Trying to have a conversation with her was impossible, as she contradicted and complained about everything we said - then wound up by telling us we were being unreasonable and argumentative, and that we were blaming her for everything that was wrong (when there was nothing actually wrong to begin with). It’s wearing, no doubt about it.
Hi, Dad recently diagnosed with dementia. Extremely complex situation. Looking for help and advice.
Hi @BadlyLitBandit So that your post doesn't get lost I suggest you start a new thread.
I am sorry to hear about you dads diagnosis.
J xx
Welcome to the forum @BadlyLitBandit
My father had hydrocephalus and it`s as upsetting as anything.
I wouldn`t be surprised if your mother is terrified of losing her support from him and is reacting with anger.
It might help you to consult your parents` GP to see what avenues are open for help from the services.
To start your own Thread for support, click on I care for a person with dementia which is here;
forum.alzheimers.org.uk
This way any advice posted for you will be in one place.
My father had hydrocephalus and it`s as upsetting as anything.
I wouldn`t be surprised if your mother is terrified of losing her support from him and is reacting with anger.
It might help you to consult your parents` GP to see what avenues are open for help from the services.
To start your own Thread for support, click on I care for a person with dementia which is here;
I care for a person with dementia
This forum is for people who are involved in the care of a person with dementia.
forum.alzheimers.org.uk
This way any advice posted for you will be in one place.
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