My husband has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s on the dementia nurses advice I’m looking at groups for my husband to join We have 2 daughters the youngest lives about 2 hours away the oldest is 20 mins away When I was discussing the groups with her she seemed very negative about them & said what does Dad think I have discussed this fully with my husband and he’s happy to give them a go I would never force him into anything I’m just trying my best for him I’ve not stopped crying tonight as I thought I was doing the best thing but now I feel lost I’ve seen that people who join groups fare better than people who don’t Any input would be gratefully received
My husband is 67 has alzheimers
- Thread starter Bevhar
- Start date
Hi Bevhar
my husband 67 too x he went to a day centre but he got agitated on the first session and was asked not to go back
I’m with him now 24/7. Reluctant to get carers in our one bedroom flat. Because physically he can still wash shave toilet etc
I’m lost x
my husband 67 too x he went to a day centre but he got agitated on the first session and was asked not to go back
I’m with him now 24/7. Reluctant to get carers in our one bedroom flat. Because physically he can still wash shave toilet etc
I’m lost x
Being a one on one as a carer can be a lonely place to be, take it from me, over 10 years on this site, only thing that kept me sane sometimes was being able to vent on here.
I think getting out would be good for you both if that's what you and he want and you matter too.
Other option would be ask selfish daughter to come and cover for you so you can have a bit of you time too, see if she's up for it, although I suspect I know the answer to that question. K
I think getting out would be good for you both if that's what you and he want and you matter too.
Other option would be ask selfish daughter to come and cover for you so you can have a bit of you time too, see if she's up for it, although I suspect I know the answer to that question. K
mine goes to men shed which is not a dementia group but just a group of men in a shed. mine is 76and had vasc. dem diagnosed for 4 years. he doesnt do much but he has built up friendships with the other men. he likes the banter and likes to supervise. he wouldnt go to a day centre or dementia related activities. its only twice a week mornings but its so welcome as im housebound and cant go out myself.
She has been wonderful up until now I think it’s the reality of what’s happening My husband is still ok I don’t have to be his carer at present But I think from what the dementia nurse said socialising is so important she’s just messaged She has had a tough time in her life her first love committed suicide in Afghanistan she struggled to have her beautiful twins & unfortunately she’s no longer with her husband She works full time & is an amazing mum I think her Dad has always been her rock & even though she noticed things weren’t right with her Dad before I did I think it’s now the reality that has hit her
If you have any near you I would recommend a Care Farm. We go to one locally and really enjoy it. It has animals, gardening (fruit/veg and flowers), workshops, gardens to enjoy, walks and helpful volunteers. If you and your husband are mobile then they are worth looking at. Google Care Farm in your area and check them out.
All the while you can get your husband out and about, preferably without you, so that you get a break, then grab the chance. If he doesn’t like the first place then try something else but make the most of the time you can get. You don’t want him becoming reliant on you all the time until it is absolutely necessary and even then you try for whatever support you can access as early as you can!
Please give groups a try. They are my lifeline. We have made some good friends and my OH has made a couple of friends too . OH and the others talk rubbish to each other sometimes 🤣but honestly they have given us a social life. They certainly wouldn't have been our idea of afternoon out before but we look forward to them . It's somewhere to go each day. Games morning , coffee afternoon ,singing🙂
I'm sure you'll find a friendly welcome and plenty of support from others.
I can't recommend highly enough 😃 off to an Abba tribute band concert with our new friends tomorrow evening. Tea out first
X
Thank you I just want to do what is best for him he is only in the early stages & think we would both benefit from getting out
I’m so sorry that’s so tough At the moment I’m very lucky my husband is not badly impacted I want to have as much time enjoying ourselves as I can Have you got any family nearby who could help you
Hi @Bevhar, I would definitely advise giving groups a try. My husband has had Parkinsons for a long time so we were used to being in their "tribe". When my husband's dementia worsened very abruptly we joined a dementia singing group. At a time when we couldn't get any help from NHS, Social services, mental health team we got such support from this group.
Don't judge your daughter harshly, she is grieving for her Dad and will come to accept things as you go along. Its painful for everyone.
Don't judge your daughter harshly, she is grieving for her Dad and will come to accept things as you go along. Its painful for everyone.
I would certainly advise to join groups as early on in the journey as you can. I didn't and now regret it as my husband is very dependent on me and although I now really feel the need of a break I know it is going to be hard to either find a day centre where I can leave him or find someone to sit with him while I go out. We do go out everyday together but this is becoming more of a challenge.
when my husband was diagnosed, it was 2 weeks before first lockdown and he was shielding for about a year so we missed out on the groups support. he was then not willing and it took some persuading to get him to go any where. he was excempt from wearing masks as well which complicated things and people were nasty when he was out.
I wonder if the reason your daughter doesn’t like the idea of her dad going to a group is because it makes her dad’s diagnosis more real to her.
Anything to keep his mind stimulated is good for him. My husband won’t go to any groups without me. Instead I try to take him out, at least, a couple of times a week to places like the gym, lectures, museums, garden shops, restaurants etc.
Anything to keep his mind stimulated is good for him. My husband won’t go to any groups without me. Instead I try to take him out, at least, a couple of times a week to places like the gym, lectures, museums, garden shops, restaurants etc.
I would agree with the other people who have replied to this thread. Do give the various social activities in your area a try. In our case, our three children were very supportive of my doing so. I was just a bit concerned about how my husband, who has Alzheimer’s, would respond if the other people with Alzheimer’s were very much more severely affected than he was. I needn’t have worried as this has not been an issue.
We are still in the early stages of trying out the activities available. We’ve been to a memory cafe and met some lovely people there. We’ve also been to an activities day run by Alive. Both were very enjoyable and supportive. So far we haven’t tried tea dances or a singing group. They don’t appeal so much to us.
I did think about a Men’s Shed but wasn’t sure it would be safe for my husband with things like lathes around. He’d potentially be a bit too keen and was never a DIYer. There are also opportunities for gardening but I’m not sure that would suit my husband either. Again, he’d be a little to keen to hack everything back.
I do think that everyone’s different and different activities will suit different people. Just try what’s available and stick with what suits you.
My husband also especially enjoys going out for lunch so we often do this. We have places we go to where the staff have got to know him and have a laugh with him.
I hope you find some activities that suit you. When we first went, I felt it was very much for my husband’s benefit but actually found it far more enjoyable myself than I’d expected.
I’d just like to add that my husband also really enjoys seeing a personal trainer once a week at a small local gym.
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