Memories Of Dad's Death Are Coming Back

[MaNaAk]

Good morning everyone!

As the fifth anniversary of dad's death approaches with it being on a Wednesday (dad passed away on Wednesday 12th June 2019 at 1.00 pm) more memories of the day before are coming back. I remember that after being at admitted and taken to a ward I waited alone (brother had gone back to work) before thinking about phoning my other brother and getting some lunch. I updated the elder brother who lived a long way away and then I went to buy some lunch. It was a hot day and the sun was shining and as I walked to the hospital shop I thought I heard 'mum' whisper my name and I turned round and of course she wasn't there but she was with me in spirit. Before she passed she said that she wants to look over our shoulders which is exactly what she did on that dreadful day and throughout my time as a carer. She was looking down on all of us at 1.00 pm the following day❤️.

MaNaAk

 

[SkyeD]

Oh bless you @MaNaAk It's really hard isn't it?
My mum died on 13th June last year, and my dad died in the September beforehand. My dad's birthday is/was 15th June (and mine on 16th). Last year on my birthday, I was registering mum's death.
The one year anniversary of mum's death is fast approaching, as is my dad's birthday, and Father's Day which coincides with my birthday. Just recently I've started to think and dream a lot about both of my parents, not in an especially sad way (not all the time anyway).
Hugs,
S x

 

[MaNaAk]

Oh bless you @MaNaAk It's really hard isn't it?
My mum died on 13th June last year, and my dad died in the September beforehand. My dad's birthday is/was 15th June (and mine on 16th). Last year on my birthday, I was registering mum's death.
The one year anniversary of mum's death is fast approaching, as is my dad's birthday, and Father's Day which coincides with my birthday. Just recently I've started to think and dream a lot about both of my parents, not in an especially sad way (not all the time anyway).
Hugs,
S x

Thankyou @SkyeD and I'm sorry to hear about your parents especially with both anniversaries approaching.

Hugs

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

Think of the good times

 

[MaNaAk]

Good evening everyone!

I'm finding that as dad's fifth anniversary approaches on exactly the same week day as five years ago. Some of the sadder memories such as him ordering one soup instead of two in a cafe are coming back. Sorry to say this but looking back this was a cafe that we went to all the time and they didn't there was anything odd but when they brought just one along and I said that there was meant to be two. They said "Oh you want one as well!" Be quickly heating up another one. Later I explained that dad had Alzheimer's but secretly I was broken-hearted.

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

Good evening everyone!

I'm finding that as dad's fifth anniversary approaches on exactly the same week day as five years ago. Some of the sadder memories such as him ordering one soup instead of two in a cafe are coming back. Sorry to say this but looking back this was a cafe that we went to all the time and they didn't there was anything odd but when they brought just one along and I said that there was meant to be two. They said "Oh you want one as well!" Be quickly heating up another one. Later I explained that dad had Alzheimer's but secretly I was broken-hearted.

MaNaAk

There are some memories that are more poignant. I would acknowledge for what it was and celebrate your dad as the dad he was. Doesn't help because you can reminisce with your invisible. Are you doing something nice to celebrate?

 

[Sunshine11!]

My Mum died just before Christmas and for some reason, I feel like I'm back to where I was. So tearful. I think it's partly that I'm actually starting to process some of what went on after she was diagnosed. I know this "horribleness" will go - but it is horrible isn't it?

 

[Izzy]

My Mum died just before Christmas and for some reason, I feel like I'm back to where I was. So tearful. I think it's partly that I'm actually starting to process some of what went on after she was diagnosed. I know this "horribleness" will go - but it is horrible isn't it?

I think grief is a massive roller coaster. I hope things get easier for you as time goes on.

 

[Tabitha2]

My partner died in March, and I am surprised that now I feel so much worse than I did in April. I just keep crying and don't want to do anything and each day just seems like another 24 hours I have to get through. After he died I felt such relief, really, that it was all over, and a huge weight of worry and stress just lifted. And I could go out and not worry about what could happen to him when I was not there! I could meet a friend for a drink! I could visit my parents and not be watching the clock because I needed to get back to him! I didn't lie awake at night worried sick about what would happen to him if I died before him. I didn't have to wash him, cut his hair, shave him, nag him to clean his teeth, dress him, cook for him, put him to bed, etc. But now I just feel so guilty that I didn't do the right thing by him, that I wasn't kind all the time, that I lost my temper with him and I would give anything to have him back and do it better. I was lonely when he was here - dementia does often result in you becoming very isolated - and I am lonely and sad now.

I know it is early days, and at the moment the only memories which keep coming to me are of the last few weeks and days of his life, and they are all pretty horrible. I know they will fade (well I hope so!), but grief is a strange journey, and not one I have walked before (well not this exact journey). My whole life of the last 40 years has changed completely and utterly and I need to find a way forward without my soul mate.

Sorry, I'm not being much help and support here, to the above posters, am I? Just wanted to let them know they are not alone. I'm sure things will get easier, but as Sunshine11 says, it is horrible, isn't it.

 

[Izzy]

Please don’t apologise @Tabitha2. I’m sure everyone agrees that it is really good to know you’re not alone.

My husband died coming up for 8 years ago and I’ve always found this clip on grief helpful -

 

[SkyeD]

'fraid I've felt a bit down and teary today too. It's a year ago today that I last saw my mum alive - less than 36 hours later she had a massive brain bleed, then it took four days for her body to ebb away.

I think I've done well so far and I guess there'll always be times when I feel sadness, although I have to admit that it has become easier as the months have passed.

Take care everyone,
S x

 

[Knitandpurl]

Grief - the never ending journey . Sending everyone virtual hugs.

 

[Sunshine11!]

Guilt, anger, hate, worry, sadness … and the rest. X

 

[MaNaAk]

Guilt, anger, hate, worry, sadness … and the rest. X

Yes I thought of mum, dad and nana at the concert tonight and I wore nana's bracelet.

MaNaAk