Hi all,
Sorry long gabbled post.
I’m pulling my hair out. My husband has been in a nursing home for over a year. He knows when he wants to pass urine or open his bowels but is almost non-verbal. After a recent hospital admission when he was acutely unwell he has been hoisted (waiting physio review) the dynamics have changed whereas when they were walking him he would be taken to the toilet if I asked, albeit having to wait sometimes up to two hours before they took him and invariably sometimes incontinent whilst waiting, now I have been told the staff are fed up with me asking every time I visit. Today he wasn’t got out of bed until 12 (and then it seemed a big ask) he was wet from about 11.00 when he grunted at me for the toilet, I asked at 3 if they could take him as he was starting to grunt and give me his look. They weren’t happy and this is when the staff nurse told me the staff are getting fed up. Am I being unreasonable asking for him to be taken to the toilet, he hangs on until he can hang on no more as he still despite being in the later stages of his journey doesn’t like using his incontinence pants. I keep getting told ‘won’t he use his pants’ or ‘ we’ll put him on the bed and change him’ yesterday he was placed on his bed, he was dry and clean so the staff wanted to take him back to the lounge, I kept telling them he wanted the toilet. It took 2 1/4hrs of him waiting on the bed before they fetched a commode, by that time he had started to open his bowels as he could hang on no more. Im getting so frustrated, the nurse told me yesterday I have to accept that he probably doesn’t know that he needs to go. Im not in any illusions about his condition as I have many years experience of being a registered nurse so I know each sign as it appears but while he’s got this awareness how do I manage it? Do I sit and ignore his ‘asking’ to appease the staff? what do I do as everyday I tell him to hang on and then latterly I’ve had to tell him I can’t help him he has to do it in his pants.
This is making me feel ill, where is the dignity?
If any has had a similar experience please tell me how you coped with this. If he was unaware of his incontinence I would be much happier but at present he has full awareness. To an outsider he appears far more advanced due to his aphasia and deteriorating motor skills which is making this harder.
Just to add other than this issue the home is caring and the residents are well fed and looked after.
Sorry long gabbled post.
I’m pulling my hair out. My husband has been in a nursing home for over a year. He knows when he wants to pass urine or open his bowels but is almost non-verbal. After a recent hospital admission when he was acutely unwell he has been hoisted (waiting physio review) the dynamics have changed whereas when they were walking him he would be taken to the toilet if I asked, albeit having to wait sometimes up to two hours before they took him and invariably sometimes incontinent whilst waiting, now I have been told the staff are fed up with me asking every time I visit. Today he wasn’t got out of bed until 12 (and then it seemed a big ask) he was wet from about 11.00 when he grunted at me for the toilet, I asked at 3 if they could take him as he was starting to grunt and give me his look. They weren’t happy and this is when the staff nurse told me the staff are getting fed up. Am I being unreasonable asking for him to be taken to the toilet, he hangs on until he can hang on no more as he still despite being in the later stages of his journey doesn’t like using his incontinence pants. I keep getting told ‘won’t he use his pants’ or ‘ we’ll put him on the bed and change him’ yesterday he was placed on his bed, he was dry and clean so the staff wanted to take him back to the lounge, I kept telling them he wanted the toilet. It took 2 1/4hrs of him waiting on the bed before they fetched a commode, by that time he had started to open his bowels as he could hang on no more. Im getting so frustrated, the nurse told me yesterday I have to accept that he probably doesn’t know that he needs to go. Im not in any illusions about his condition as I have many years experience of being a registered nurse so I know each sign as it appears but while he’s got this awareness how do I manage it? Do I sit and ignore his ‘asking’ to appease the staff? what do I do as everyday I tell him to hang on and then latterly I’ve had to tell him I can’t help him he has to do it in his pants.
This is making me feel ill, where is the dignity?
If any has had a similar experience please tell me how you coped with this. If he was unaware of his incontinence I would be much happier but at present he has full awareness. To an outsider he appears far more advanced due to his aphasia and deteriorating motor skills which is making this harder.
Just to add other than this issue the home is caring and the residents are well fed and looked after.