I've lost the mum i know

[cake lover]

Hi everyone

In some respects I am lucky, my mum has been diagnosed early and is still able to function relatively independently. She was willing to be assessed and to go through all the tests. I feel guilty and angry that I have lost the mum I had. Old mum used to be so interested in my life and she was one of my best friends. Now she has no interest in what I'm doing and I find it really hard to spend time with her (hence the guilt). Whilst writing this, I know I sound like a petulant toddler not a 49 year old women. I am petrified about what the future holds and whether I am strong enough to support my mum and my dad through the tough times.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @cake lover.

A diagnosis is a shock and you will need time to process it. Once you have, I hope you will be able to realise it is what it is and nothing can be done to change it.

However much you feel you are losing your mum, she in turn is losing you. Not because you are walking away from her but because she may fail to realise how much of your relationship is being lost.

Guilt and anger use up precious energy. Once you get used to being with her, you can try to adapt to what she has rather than grieve for what you are losing.

Your dad will need you more than ever. I hope you will be able to care for your mum together.

 

[PammieA]

Hi everyone

In some respects I am lucky, my mum has been diagnosed early and is still able to function relatively independently. She was willing to be assessed and to go through all the tests. I feel guilty and angry that I have lost the mum I had. Old mum used to be so interested in my life and she was one of my best friends. Now she has no interest in what I'm doing and I find it really hard to spend time with her (hence the guilt). Whilst writing this, I know I sound like a petulant toddler not a 49 year old women. I am petrified about what the future holds and whether I am strong enough to support my mum and my dad through the tough times.

I feel your pain, that's one of the things my mum began to do (becoming disinterested in me and my life), this was so out of character.
She also stopped messaging my mobile phone or replying to my messages 😒
This is when I began to think she had Dementia.

Thankfully I found this forum (before she was formally diagnosed), gaining an insight into the horrible symptoms and changes in the behaviour of a person with dementia. But also learning a little about how to manage.
Taking each day and embracing the time with your mum (good or bad), trying to adapt and staying positive.
Stay 'in the moment' and enjoy rather than thinking about future days, as the reality is, things will get worse.
Stay on this forum, read the posts and ask questions. These people are all amazing.

 

[cake lover]

Thank you so much for your message, and your advice. I am going to try and take your advice about trying not to look too far ahead. I'm sure the support I receive on the forum will help. I send you and your mum by best wishes. Take care.

 

[cake lover]

Welcome @cake lover.

A diagnosis is a shock and you will need time to process it. Once you have, I hope you will be able to realise it is what it is and nothing can be done to change it.

However much you feel you are losing your mum, she in turn is losing you. Not because you are walking away from her but because she may fail to realise how much of your relationship is being lost.

Guilt and anger use up precious energy. Once you get used to being with her, you can try to adapt to what she has rather than grieve for what you are losing.

Your dad will need you more than ever. I hope you will be able to care for your mum together.

 

[cake lover]

Thanks Grannie G

Thanks for making me look at the situation from a different perspective. You are right the guilt and the anger aren't helping anyone, and I hope with time those emotions will decrease. Take care. x