Bust a gut last 6+ years since I moved mum near me - dinner at mine every Sunday -(my poor partner has bravely gone along with this and hearing the same story a dozen times) every Christmas , birthday etc with me , her online banking, kitting out her flat, doing all her food : household shopping, taking her to all her appointments, fixing appliances when she messes them up ... now she's heading into middle stage dementia - TOTAL denial - she keeps getting herself into a hysterical state daily / more than daily - when she doesn't get what she wants (me to rush round (half hour to get there car journey!) tonight screaming down the phone "I'm freezing" worrying she might have switched boiler off - again - I rush round - no the heating is working and 24degrees room temp and she's sitting eating her dinner !
Yesterday it was all about the 'cleaner' (I hr weekly) "she broke the telly - I need a new one!" I check telly - insisting she is present with me - it's just that she just can't use the tv remote any more and won't say so / tv working fine! Last week it was daily call out ms as she kept pressing all the buttons and reprogramming tv.
She refuses carers outright - one woman I got in as a trial to cook her dinner 4-5 each Friday she dismissed (rang me last week and shouted I don't want her here - I asked to be put through to carer (a wonderful and sensitive person) told her she could leave and I would pay her - she contacted her employer and said she wouldn't visit any more as it upset mum too much !! Today mum is singing her praises and asking where she is !
I am a son, my parents were abusive and I have only supported my mum so far out of compassion - I don't like her, she has always been snobbish, selfish and manipulative. As dementia progresses this is behaviour is becoming accentuated.
If she won't accept carers I am going to have to put up all the barriers e.g phone off evenings / nights and most days no matter how mad she gets ! - not rush round when she says she has a problem - No matter what - I hate ringing her (thought daily am and on calls would help ages ago - now I just dread them and my blood pressure shoots up) I have had enough - there is no endgame in sight with dementia - every ok day is followed by a bad day and I'm not playing the games to try to keep her happy - because the moment is always lost and it wears me out telling little white lies and going along with nonsense all the time.
A social worker visited today - looking at mental capacity (which she still has) he tried to persuade her (so skilfully) to have a care needs assessment - she held off so he's visiting again next week to try and get her consent.
I have had enough - if she won't accept daily carers (self funding!) or go into a care home - I am out - now going to start doing the practical minimum - but no crisees or demands !!!
No one warned me - I read the books and followed this forum (should have been warning enough) and fell hook line and sinker into what has turned out to be a horrible trap.
No nice words please - unless it's to help me get out !
Yesterday it was all about the 'cleaner' (I hr weekly) "she broke the telly - I need a new one!" I check telly - insisting she is present with me - it's just that she just can't use the tv remote any more and won't say so / tv working fine! Last week it was daily call out ms as she kept pressing all the buttons and reprogramming tv.
She refuses carers outright - one woman I got in as a trial to cook her dinner 4-5 each Friday she dismissed (rang me last week and shouted I don't want her here - I asked to be put through to carer (a wonderful and sensitive person) told her she could leave and I would pay her - she contacted her employer and said she wouldn't visit any more as it upset mum too much !! Today mum is singing her praises and asking where she is !
I am a son, my parents were abusive and I have only supported my mum so far out of compassion - I don't like her, she has always been snobbish, selfish and manipulative. As dementia progresses this is behaviour is becoming accentuated.
If she won't accept carers I am going to have to put up all the barriers e.g phone off evenings / nights and most days no matter how mad she gets ! - not rush round when she says she has a problem - No matter what - I hate ringing her (thought daily am and on calls would help ages ago - now I just dread them and my blood pressure shoots up) I have had enough - there is no endgame in sight with dementia - every ok day is followed by a bad day and I'm not playing the games to try to keep her happy - because the moment is always lost and it wears me out telling little white lies and going along with nonsense all the time.
A social worker visited today - looking at mental capacity (which she still has) he tried to persuade her (so skilfully) to have a care needs assessment - she held off so he's visiting again next week to try and get her consent.
I have had enough - if she won't accept daily carers (self funding!) or go into a care home - I am out - now going to start doing the practical minimum - but no crisees or demands !!!
No one warned me - I read the books and followed this forum (should have been warning enough) and fell hook line and sinker into what has turned out to be a horrible trap.
No nice words please - unless it's to help me get out !