Issues with keys and keeping Mum safe = conflict

[Gee7]

Hi all, Mum has reached the stage where she is not feeling safe in her flat. She believes that things are being stolen, moved around, etc. "where are my keys, they've taken my keys" is a source of extreme anxiety.

What I have done is put a little lock safe box on the wall with a combination lock (she cannot access) - she can see into the box and see her keys safely in there. She then says that it's no good - what if she needs to go out, go shopping, etc.

Understandable, from her point of view. But it's not safe for her to go out by herself. I tried giving her a dummy key but she quickly sussed out it didn't work in the lock.

I tell her that I'm sorry, I forgot the combination for the box at home and will sort it out next time.

Moreover, when I have given her a spare set, she will promptly loose them and call me in barely consolable hysterics saying they have been stolen. I do have remote beepers on the keys so they can be found but these can only be trigged when I'm in the flat.

It's a huge source of conflict - she feels like she's being locked in her flat which must be horrible and gets very angry with me. It's a puzzle I just cannot solve. I want her to feel she has a sense of autonomy but I need to keep her safe and I know giving her keys gives her to potential to go out by herself but will definitely lead to a panic for her when she inevitably hides them, can't find them, then believes someone has been in the flat and stolen them. Any ideas? Thanks in advance.

 

[SAP]

Is you mum able to leave her flat if she needs too , like in an emergency?

 

[Gee7]

Is you mum able to leave her flat if she needs too , like in an emergency?

Hi, yes, the internal lock is a thumb lever but you would need a key to get back in.

 

[Anjona]

Hi Gee. Sounds all really difficult. I think you just need to be a little single-minded and accept that your mothers safety is the number one priority. You're doing what you believe is right in protecting her autonomy but there is no autonomy if she is unsafe and likely to do risky things. Not that I've looked into it but others have told me of trackers that might mitigate the risk. As you say difficult. You have my empathy. It's all hard but you are in the best position to make the decisions. Take the facts and make a decision but realise things are constantly changing so you decision down the line might change too. Take care x

 

[Gee7]

Hi Gee. Sounds all really difficult. I think you just need to be a little single-minded and accept that your mothers safety is the number one priority. You're doing what you believe is right in protecting her autonomy but there is no autonomy if she is unsafe and likely to do risky things. Not that I've looked into it but others have told me of trackers that might mitigate the risk. As you say difficult. You have my empathy. It's all hard but you are in the best position to make the decisions. Take the facts and make a decision but realise things are constantly changing so you decision down the line might change too. Take care x

Thank you Anjona - I really appreciate that. Helps to know there are many who have been or are on the same journey I am.

 

[SAP]

I put a key safe outside mums house and made sure her neighbour knew the code incase mum got locked out, luckily a very good caring neighbour. At some point your mum may just go out regardless so it’s a way to mitigate her getting locked out. All we can do is try to prevent upset and accident.

 

[Gee7]

I put a key safe outside mums house and made sure her neighbour knew the code incase mum got locked out, luckily a very good caring neighbour. At some point your mum may just go out regardless so it’s a way to mitigate her getting locked out. All we can do is try to prevent upset and accident.

Hey, yes, I already have a key safe for the carers to get in but good point. Thank you!