In denial

[Ally191612]

Hello new to this group and first time posting, hoping to get some advice.
Basically been worried about my mum for long while my brother and I have noticed a decline in her memory and so have other people in the family
But my dad seems to be in denial saying to us yes i know i dealing with it , he said taking her to the doctors will upset her and make her think something wrong with her, we think he just don't want to admit it to him self as she has some good days too. he does all the cleaning and cooking and taken over all the finances but wont take her to the doctors this was 6 months ago we mentioned it to him
Anyway she now at the point where she doesn't really initiate any convo she will have one of you make it and literally all she talks about is her parents who died over 20 years ago
2 days ago was dad was out and my brother came home from work to find her crying saying her mum had died yesterday and they had only just told her she was in a state
She went to say that they had stole a caravan from her dad and they wont give her the money for it ,my brother managed to calm her down but she went on to say that a man knocked the door and he looked very poorly so she made him a cuppa and told him he should go home but he was too ill so he was upstairs in bed obviously my brother checked and no one was there
When my dad got in my brother sorta had a go at my dad saying this it is came on doctors if u don't take her i will, he agreed and phoned the gp
But no appointments for over 2 weeks
I am so glad he taking her but my mum also has good days so i am a-bit worried she may have one on the day of the doctors and they wont see her at her worst,
I am worried about my dad to he's nearly 80
And is now doing all the cooking cleaning
But at times i can see he getting frustrated with her repeating herself but he not someone who will accept help easily he will just do it all my mum doesn't have any sibling or family on her side my dad is private person which doesn't help but i know if he told his family they would all help in a heartbeat,

Sorry for the long post

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @Ally191612 No need to apologise for a long post. It`s obvious you are worried about your mum and dad.

If you can keep a diary of the times your mum has worried you, it can be shown to the doctor, if possible, before the appointment .

If your dad will allow you to go with them to the doctors, two heads are better than one and you will be able to hear first hand what is wrong.

Try not to discuss too much with your mum. It will only worry her more and probably make her defensive.

However private your dad is, try to convince him the sooner you find out what is wrong with your mum, the better for her.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @Ally191612 and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to read about your mum and your dad's reluctance to accept help, this is quite a common issue. If you are worried about what your mum might say at the doctor's appointment it might be an idea to write to the doctor prior to the appointment outlining all of the issues that are worrying you and your brother, that way the doctor will be aware of what is going on before the appointment.
It might be an idea to try to get a needs assessment for your mum and a carers assessment for your dad, these are arranged through your local social services. If you emphasise that this is for your mum your dad might be more likely to accept the help.

 

[Collywobbles]

I agree with SeaSwallow. Their GP surgery can’t tell you anything, but you can email them in advance of the appointment and describe the things you’re seeing which concern you.