My worries that there is a possibility that my mother, who is only 53, has dementia increased greatly over the past few days. Kind of a wake up from a couple of years of denial.
My mother lives in a rural area, about an hour and a half away from me. A little less than two years ago, her marriage with my father ended and he moved out of the house and now lives with his girlfriend. So my mom is alone. After 32 years together, she did not take the breakup well to say the least. She became very depressed, angry, and sometimes delusional about her situation, and mine and my sisters continued relationship with my father - often turning her anger on us. Because of this, I now believe that we may have missed noticing the severe decline in her memory, communication skills, and ability to care for herself.
My mom has always been a bit absent minded and forgetful. Always losing her car keys, that sort of thing. I think this may be another reason why we (the family) have passed off her behavior over the past few years as being just a part of her quirky personality.
We had noticed, more and more since my dad moved out, that she is increasingly forgetful and confused. She has an extremely difficult time communicating. It is almost impossible to follow a conversation with her. She begins her stories in the middle, and they have no ending. She forgets common words in the middle of sentences almost every time she speaks. She starts to say something, and in mid-sentence forgets completely what she is talking about on a regular basis. Every conversation I have with her is very confusing. I have to try to pick apart and dissect what she is trying to tell me, and lately I often still end up with no idea what she was talking about. She also has trouble understanding and following what I am saying to her. I have to speak slowly and over explain every detail of what I am trying to say to her. She repeats the same stories over and over and over again. And asks the same questions over and over and over again. And to follow a conversation that involves more than just her and one other person, forget it. When my husband and I, or my sister and I are in a room with her and get to talking, she is completely lost.
Her ability to care for her house is completely gone. What was once a beautiful, clean home, is now a home that would be eligible for A&E's Hoarders. It's a disaster. Junk is piled up everywhere, there are rotten food and dishes covering every inch of the house, cat food and dirt and broken glass all over the floor, the fridge is rotten. She seems completely oblivious to it. Someone who used to get embarassed over a few dirty dishes in the sink, now has no awareness that there is anything wrong with living this way. I went to visit her this weekend for the first time in 6 weeks, and was heartbroken when I walked in. I had cleaned it out the last time I was there, and it was 100x worse this time. She hadn't washed a dish, done a load of laundry, or picked up anything after herself since the last time my husband and I cleaned her house for her. I spent my entire weekend cleaning, while 7 months pregnant, and she didn't even help me. She just wandered around confused. Dropping things on the floor as quickly as I was picking them up. She sat and knitted while I cleaned. It was as if I was caring for a toddler.
She also admitted, when I was visiting, that she had a small house fire recently. She has a wood stove in her basement for heat (which worries me SO much). She told me that she set a cardboard box, filled with more cardboard for starting fires, on top of the wood stove while she was putting wood inside, forgot about it, and went to bed. She woke up and the house was completely filled with smoke (thank God my husband put fresh batteries in her smoke detectors the last time we were there). There were smoke stains all over the place when I was there on the weekend. I also watched her straighten her hair, unplug the straightener, and throw it under the bathroom sink on top of a cardboard box without giving it even a second to cool off.
Up until a couple of months ago, we thought that her strange behavior was the result of depression and anxiety over being alone. In early January, she was admitted to Mental Health at the hospital in her town because she was feeling severe anxiety. She spent two and a half weeks there. They gave her a prescription for antidepressants, and gave her vallium daily during her visit. She is still taking the antidepressants, which, based on our phone conversations, I thought were helping her. She is less angry and irrational. She doesn't snap at me and hang up the phone in my ear for no reason any more. But after seeing her over the weekend, I realize that she is worse than ever. She is very confused and I think it is dangerous for her to be alone.
I'm worried sick and was just hoping for some advice. I have already been advised to contact her GP and let him know what is going on, then try to get her in for a visit. I am in the process of doing so now. It is difficult for me because I do live in another town, and have a husband, son, and am expecting a baby in May. I'm only 28 years old, and the thought of losing my mother is terrifying. The sad thing is that I feel that I already lost her. I have felt that she has been gone for a long time now. The roles are completely reversed. It is very scary.
My mother lives in a rural area, about an hour and a half away from me. A little less than two years ago, her marriage with my father ended and he moved out of the house and now lives with his girlfriend. So my mom is alone. After 32 years together, she did not take the breakup well to say the least. She became very depressed, angry, and sometimes delusional about her situation, and mine and my sisters continued relationship with my father - often turning her anger on us. Because of this, I now believe that we may have missed noticing the severe decline in her memory, communication skills, and ability to care for herself.
My mom has always been a bit absent minded and forgetful. Always losing her car keys, that sort of thing. I think this may be another reason why we (the family) have passed off her behavior over the past few years as being just a part of her quirky personality.
We had noticed, more and more since my dad moved out, that she is increasingly forgetful and confused. She has an extremely difficult time communicating. It is almost impossible to follow a conversation with her. She begins her stories in the middle, and they have no ending. She forgets common words in the middle of sentences almost every time she speaks. She starts to say something, and in mid-sentence forgets completely what she is talking about on a regular basis. Every conversation I have with her is very confusing. I have to try to pick apart and dissect what she is trying to tell me, and lately I often still end up with no idea what she was talking about. She also has trouble understanding and following what I am saying to her. I have to speak slowly and over explain every detail of what I am trying to say to her. She repeats the same stories over and over and over again. And asks the same questions over and over and over again. And to follow a conversation that involves more than just her and one other person, forget it. When my husband and I, or my sister and I are in a room with her and get to talking, she is completely lost.
Her ability to care for her house is completely gone. What was once a beautiful, clean home, is now a home that would be eligible for A&E's Hoarders. It's a disaster. Junk is piled up everywhere, there are rotten food and dishes covering every inch of the house, cat food and dirt and broken glass all over the floor, the fridge is rotten. She seems completely oblivious to it. Someone who used to get embarassed over a few dirty dishes in the sink, now has no awareness that there is anything wrong with living this way. I went to visit her this weekend for the first time in 6 weeks, and was heartbroken when I walked in. I had cleaned it out the last time I was there, and it was 100x worse this time. She hadn't washed a dish, done a load of laundry, or picked up anything after herself since the last time my husband and I cleaned her house for her. I spent my entire weekend cleaning, while 7 months pregnant, and she didn't even help me. She just wandered around confused. Dropping things on the floor as quickly as I was picking them up. She sat and knitted while I cleaned. It was as if I was caring for a toddler.
She also admitted, when I was visiting, that she had a small house fire recently. She has a wood stove in her basement for heat (which worries me SO much). She told me that she set a cardboard box, filled with more cardboard for starting fires, on top of the wood stove while she was putting wood inside, forgot about it, and went to bed. She woke up and the house was completely filled with smoke (thank God my husband put fresh batteries in her smoke detectors the last time we were there). There were smoke stains all over the place when I was there on the weekend. I also watched her straighten her hair, unplug the straightener, and throw it under the bathroom sink on top of a cardboard box without giving it even a second to cool off.
Up until a couple of months ago, we thought that her strange behavior was the result of depression and anxiety over being alone. In early January, she was admitted to Mental Health at the hospital in her town because she was feeling severe anxiety. She spent two and a half weeks there. They gave her a prescription for antidepressants, and gave her vallium daily during her visit. She is still taking the antidepressants, which, based on our phone conversations, I thought were helping her. She is less angry and irrational. She doesn't snap at me and hang up the phone in my ear for no reason any more. But after seeing her over the weekend, I realize that she is worse than ever. She is very confused and I think it is dangerous for her to be alone.
I'm worried sick and was just hoping for some advice. I have already been advised to contact her GP and let him know what is going on, then try to get her in for a visit. I am in the process of doing so now. It is difficult for me because I do live in another town, and have a husband, son, and am expecting a baby in May. I'm only 28 years old, and the thought of losing my mother is terrifying. The sad thing is that I feel that I already lost her. I have felt that she has been gone for a long time now. The roles are completely reversed. It is very scary.
