Thank you to you all for your replies and advice. Hard, hard situation and canary really hit on the head, by saying about staying because of duty. My kids are 16 and 21, and this situation is hard enough as it is without adding his affair and shattering their (already) diminished memories/feelings of their dad. Plus he really can’t live / function without me anymore. My only way / the way I’m dealing with it by telling myself that is isn’t forever. One day, I know I will find happiness again. I do feel like I’m having to put love and happiness on hold for now for his sake and the sake of my kids, but i also know that this is a cruel condition and he will deteriorate as the next years go on. This may sound heartless but then again he broke my heart. He was the most loving, selfless and caring husband and this is so unbelievably out of character. But he did it. I’ll never forgive him even if Alzheimer’s is somewhat to blame for it but it’s good to hear other people’s experiences even just to normalise things for me. So Thankyou
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I’m new here, but I am happy to see thoughtful replies to your initial post. I think I found the right place for me right now. It’s too late and I don’t really expect it, but I wish someone here could talk to my wife, who is in the process of divorcing me.
I should have a final diagnosis within the next week or two, but my MRI shows the most pronounced atrophy in the areas hit first by AD, but also more subtle atrophy to my left frontotemporal lube. I’ve been struggling for years and she’s been on me for just about as long. I tried to explain (a) I’m doing the best I can do and (b) the mean things I’ve said to you are largely a function of the relationship dynamic of two people who don’t know what’s going on, except that one (my wife) is doing more than her fair share and I’m not doing as much. I knew there was something wrong with my brain, but I thought it was just ADHD and there was nothing anybody could do to help me. I really didn’t know how bad my memory had gotten until I bombed memory test and my behavioral issues — there’s no reliable test for them. I answered pages of questions, and I’m depressed. I already knew that. Who wouldn’t be? It’s normal for someone in my shoes.
Anyway, I just created an account today and, so, reading and thinking about the questions and answers people have. It seems like you’ve gotten some good advice here. Good luck.
P.S. I’ve got a bucket of Viagra. That’s supposed to be comic relief, but it’s really hyperbole based in truth. I feel like I might as well enjoy the things to be enjoyed while I still can. On the other hand, I’ve never had or wanted to have an affair, so I can’t speak to that issue. However, I wouldn’t blame the lack sexual intimacy on the pornography. The pornography is probably more a result of feeling (consciously or unconsciously) like he has lost the capacity for true intimacy. Also, many people of all genders and sexual identities view pornography on he internet. I read recently that the most popular site in the world is for pornographic videos. People consume it for any number of reasons, including to develop greater sexual intimacy with a loving partner. I understand your feelings, but, personally, I don’t think the pornography issue is on the same level as the infidelity.