Husband diagnosed

[Pipparose]

Hi my husband has just been diagnosed with mild dementia if I am honest I think things started a long time ago he’s 81 now
When I look at the different stages of dementia I can pick symptoms from each stage he’s sleeping lots no real conversation memory issues apathy he’s lost his humour it’s like a different person he’s with me in body but not in person.
I keep thinking I will wake up one morning and he will be his old self energetic funny and loved to walk all that has gone it’s a lonely place.
How do I carry on with my social life when he can’t join in I feel selfish and guilty going to invites on my own but if I don’t I will loose everything not that it’s lots of invites but now and again
Thank you for reading

 

[Collywobbles]

Please keep up your social life for as long as you can. Not being able to join in is unlikely to upset your husband - he’ll likely be completely unaware that he has changed as a person. Plus it will do no harm for your friends to appreciate your problems.

I’d really advise making the most of what you can do now, while he’s still safe to be left alone and you still can.

 

[leny connery]

Hi my husband has just been diagnosed with mild dementia if I am honest I think things started a long time ago he’s 81 now
When I look at the different stages of dementia I can pick symptoms from each stage he’s sleeping lots no real conversation memory issues apathy he’s lost his humour it’s like a different person he’s with me in body but not in person.
I keep thinking I will wake up one morning and he will be his old self energetic funny and loved to walk all that has gone it’s a lonely place.
How do I carry on with my social life when he can’t join in I feel selfish and guilty going to invites on my own but if I don’t I will loose everything not that it’s lots of invites but now and again
Thank you for reading

oh my dear, do not stop socializing, in fact do it while you can. Not wishing to sound gloomy, but with this disease it is a downward journey. I too grieve for his old self, for the life that we visualized, travels, dinner with friends etc. Even long conversations and decision making etc. Just enjoy what you still can with him and of himself , and do build a life for yourself. love and big hugs from a fellow carer

 

[Fotoliza]

It can be a pretty insular existance, so enjoy seeing friends. Would he be OK going to daycare so he is safe while you mix with people, or go out together before things wind down?

 

[Pipparose]

Hi thank you for the reply yes I am trying to keep up with friends as long as I make sure his meal is prepared he can still use the m/w and I have a wipe board with instructions on to remind him.
I think it’s the unknown that scares me how long will this stage last ? he knows his memory has changed he is aware of that I don’t think he’s aware how he’s changed as a person.
This disease affects the whole family my husband is older than me by 13 years I never thought we would be in this position our daughters are in the early 30s and finding it difficult
Sorry I just seem to off loaded I will be more positive promise

 

[Pipparose]

oh my dear, do not stop socializing, in fact do it while you can. Not wishing to sound gloomy, but with this disease it is a downward journey. I too grieve for his old self, for the life that we visualized, travels, dinner with friends etc. Even long conversations and decision making etc. Just enjoy what you still can with him and of himself , and do build a life for yourself. love and big hugs from a fellow carer

Oh gosh you hit the nail on the head all those robbed memories we hoped to make and occasions to share thank you for the reply means a great deal

 

[Pipparose]

It can be a pretty insular existance, so enjoy seeing friends. Would he be OK going to daycare so he is safe while you mix with people, or go out together before things wind down?

Oh thank you absolutely I am researching groups at the moment we can go to if I can get him to go the apathy is on another level thank you

 

[Fotoliza]

Hi thank you for the reply yes I am trying to keep up with friends as long as I make sure his meal is prepared he can still use the m/w and I have a wipe board with instructions on to remind him.
I think it’s the unknown that scares me how long will this stage last ? he knows his memory has changed he is aware of that I don’t think he’s aware how he’s changed as a person.
This disease affects the whole family my husband is older than me by 13 years I never thought we would be in this position our daughters are in the early 30s and finding it difficult
Sorry I just seem to off loaded I will be more positive promise

Indeed the household has the dementia as do the family who will hopefully rally round to support you both. OH was diagnosed in January, but it has been creeping up.
It is amazing how supportive locals can be when you tell them. I had to ask neighbours to help avert a disaster. OH has pruned a tree from the top of the garage for years, but this year he seemed "stuck" and didn't appear to be able to get down safely.
He cannot remember the times for using the microwave and I have to oversee all things done in the kitchen, so please beware.
Taxi man takes him to choir once a week and makes sure he is OK as do the fellow choir members.
Please don't feel guilty or shy about asking for help.

 

[Fotoliza]

Oh thank you absolutely I am researching groups at the moment we can go to if I can get him to go the apathy is on another level thank you

Apathy is something OH has too. Getting him out of bed early enough to have a "normal" day is a huge challenge.

 

[Pipparose]

Indeed the household has the dementia as do the family who will hopefully rally round to support you both. OH was diagnosed in January, but it has been creeping up.
It is amazing how supportive locals can be when you tell them. I had to ask neighbours to help avert a disaster. OH has pruned a tree from the top of the garage for years, but this year he seemed "stuck" and didn't appear to be able to get down safely.
He cannot remember the times for using the microwave and I have to oversee all things done in the kitchen, so please beware.
Taxi man takes him to choir once a week and makes sure he is OK as do the fellow choir members.
Please don't feel guilty or shy about asking for help.

Oh yes people are so good I have had to get a Gardner in he used to do the garden it’s too big for me to tackle I do bits but i cant do it all.
He had a spell in hospital a year ago phycotic episode he went down hill after that they said it was depression and now dementia I think it must all be linked .

 

[Collywobbles]

Sorry I just seem to off loaded I will be more positive promise

Absolutely please do NOT ever feel the need to feign positivity here. We’ll share in your good days with pleasure. But you’re in the company of many people who will share your feelings at any given point in time, regardless of how negative they might be.

Please feel free to vent, offload and generally scream into the void. There will always be a listening ear available. Read around the forum and you’ll find many many others doing just that with all blessings.

 

[Pipparose]

Absolutely please do NOT ever feel the need to feign positivity here. We’ll share in your good days with pleasure. But you’re in the company of many people who will share your feelings at any given point in time, regardless of how negative they might be.

Please feel free to vent, offload and generally scream into the void. There will always be a listening ear available. Read around the forum and you’ll find many many others doing just that with all blessings.

Means a lot thank you so much.

 

[leny connery]

Oh gosh you hit the nail on the head all those robbed memories we hoped to make and occasions to share thank you for the reply means a great deal

most welcome. I take comfort that lots of us are carrying on with this caring job we did not subscribe to. We try to find support here but mainly get understanding of what this means.Only when you are doing it , you understand. It is horrid, isn't it?

 

[leny connery]

Hi thank you for the reply yes I am trying to keep up with friends as long as I make sure his meal is prepared he can still use the m/w and I have a wipe board with instructions on to remind him.
I think it’s the unknown that scares me how long will this stage last ? he knows his memory has changed he is aware of that I don’t think he’s aware how he’s changed as a person.
This disease affects the whole family my husband is older than me by 13 years I never thought we would be in this position our daughters are in the early 30s and finding it difficult
Sorry I just seem to off loaded I will be more positive promise

 

[leny connery]

no one expect positivity postings, it is good when we an find positive things to say, but it is not what this forum is ..I just like it that when I moan, a lot of willing shoulders to cry on are offered. No judgments

 

[Pipparose]

Yes it is a horrid disease not knowing what’s coming next in some sort of strange way I feel better for his diagnosis as it’s been going on for nearly 2 years in the system although I can’t fault the care he’s received so far it’s hard to diagnose at best

 

[SharoH]

Hi @Pipparose
My OH was diagnosed last year and it has been a challenging journey so far. I echo what others have said about keeping up with friends socially whilst you still can. Mine have been so supportive and often let me vent.
I dip into this forum a few times a week & although I haven’t properly vented on here yet, I know the support will be there when I do.
I’ve gained a lot of useful information on here and always feel as though I’ve been wrapped in a big fluffy blanket of love because we’re all in this together.
So, don’t be afraid to vent or ask questions because there will always be understanding without judgement.

 

[Auldyin]

Do not stop socialising with others, hold onto that as long as possible, it allows you to decompress imo, I still go to the gym and play golf, never stop.

 

[Pipparose]

Do not stop socialising with others, hold onto that as long as possible, it allows you to decompress imo, I still go to the gym and play golf, never stop.

Thank you everyone really helps to share

 

[jennifer1967]

Hi thank you for the reply yes I am trying to keep up with friends as long as I make sure his meal is prepared he can still use the m/w and I have a wipe board with instructions on to remind him.
I think it’s the unknown that scares me how long will this stage last ? he knows his memory has changed he is aware of that I don’t think he’s aware how he’s changed as a person.
This disease affects the whole family my husband is older than me by 13 years I never thought we would be in this position our daughters are in the early 30s and finding it difficult
Sorry I just seem to off loaded I will be more positive promise

you off load, that what its for. keep up with friends, my husband is happy to have his own time at home. he has vascular dementia diagnosed 4 years ago. we have an age gap of 19 years with our kids almost in to their thirties[daughter turns 30 next week]. they look to me to show them what they are doing. we dont do dramas but just get on with it and deal with things as they occur. we dont think of the future as it can be different as the person is. live for the day and make memories.