hello - I am from Memphis TN and have an 88 year old spouse with late stage dementia

[Memphis]

Hello everyone,
I have to admit this has not been a good day for me. My spouse was admitted to hospice late last week. After the team left, Thursday afternoon, he went to bed and slept 3 full days and nights not eating and only drinking a few sips of a liquid each day. I called the Hospice nurse this morning, Monday, and after seeing him, she said he was failing and the end would be a while, like a month. All morning and early afternoon I wrestled with this reality until I decided to go to the grocery store and get his baby food that would be easy to swallow. When I returned home, he was up, dressed, and wanted some blueberry muffins. I was shocked. Here I was mentally preparing myself for the inevitable and there he was up and about. This is going to drive me crazy and I don't know how to handle all of this. Is anyone out there familiar with this type of constant rallying when you think their loved one is heading towards the end of life? How did you cope?
By the way, I am 10 years younger, retired 2 years ago, and just closed on a small retirement condo in FL that I don't know if we will even get there to enjoy it.
Thank you everyone.

 

[canary]

Hello @Memphis and welcome to the forum

Unfortunately, when people with dementia reach this last stage this pattern of decline and rallies is more common than you would think. I was told 3 times that mum was dying only for her to rally. Their body is slowly closing down over the weeks and months and it is a horrible emotional roller coaster

Unfortunately there is little you can do apart from being aware that it can happen and just roll with it
Do look after yourself during this difficult period
xx

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Memphis and welcome to the Forum. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I don't have anything to add but know that by joining our community you will get understanding and help from our members.

 

[Collywobbles]

Common I’m afraid. We were told that my Granny would pass during the night, by experienced carers who see the situation regularly and wouldn’t raise the alarm unless they were convinced. The next morning, Granny was awake and eating breakfast. She passed in her sleep a few weeks later, without warning.

 

[Kevinl]

Hello and welcome from me too.
People do post on here from the USA and are more than welcome.
My mother was from the USA and I have more family there than in the UK.
Only issue may be the time difference your post started at 2.47 AM our time here in the UK. K

 

[Cardinal]

Welcome. I’m also from the US. I find the people on this site more knowledgeable and helpful than any other site.

My husband is not at the stage your husband is at so I don’t have any experience with what you are going through. I do empathize with making plans for the future with your spouse and now knowing you’re probably not going to get to do those things.

You have found a good place to look for advice. The people on this site will support you anyway they can.