@Anthoula, please don’t be so hard on yourself. You have been a carer in one form or another for so long and I don’t know how you have managed. You really don’t need a kick up the backside but I think that you do need some practical help which would enable you to do something for yourself. Even the most resilient person needs to reach out. Keep posting, x
Feeling guiltily sorry for myself
- Thread starter Anthoula
- Start date
I find my feelings come and go in waves - happiness, guilt, anger; the whole shebang.
My wife is now bed-bound in a hospital bed in the front room since she came out of hospital about 6 weeks ago and is so doped up on pain medication that conversation is nigh on impossible. Her eyesight is failing so she can't really do much apart from watch TV. Anything close up has her waving her hands around looking for whatever she is trying to pick up so it's the same old same old animal programs/forensics and, worst of all, terrible made-for-TV Christmas films for the last few weeks
She lost the ability to comprehend the remote control some months ago so unless I set something going and leave her to it Netflix et al. are out of the equation.
I make sure to spend time with her every day but as she always lays on her left hand side she's facing away from me most of the time and so ensconced in bed covers it's hard to tell she's there. Most interaction comes when I'm helping her to get comfy with more pillows or I'm helping her eat (the hand is so often far from the cutlery and the food so far from the mouth these days that I frequently have to feed her myself).
We now have a team of 3 carers (yes, 3!) in a morning and that means that I can't really do anything with my day until they've gone at around 11am. I used to go for a morning walk 3 or 4 times a week but the carer timings and the weather has put paid to that for a bit so I'm a tad cabin-feverish at the moment.
It's a shame that your OH's daughters aren't interacting with you both more. I'm fortunate in that one of mine lives nearby so we tend to meet up for a walk at the weekend and the other I call once a week for a chat. Between those times we have occasional WhatsApp chats and it's the two of them that have kept me sane over the last two years since the diagnosis.
My wife is now bed-bound in a hospital bed in the front room since she came out of hospital about 6 weeks ago and is so doped up on pain medication that conversation is nigh on impossible. Her eyesight is failing so she can't really do much apart from watch TV. Anything close up has her waving her hands around looking for whatever she is trying to pick up so it's the same old same old animal programs/forensics and, worst of all, terrible made-for-TV Christmas films for the last few weeks
She lost the ability to comprehend the remote control some months ago so unless I set something going and leave her to it Netflix et al. are out of the equation.I make sure to spend time with her every day but as she always lays on her left hand side she's facing away from me most of the time and so ensconced in bed covers it's hard to tell she's there. Most interaction comes when I'm helping her to get comfy with more pillows or I'm helping her eat (the hand is so often far from the cutlery and the food so far from the mouth these days that I frequently have to feed her myself).
We now have a team of 3 carers (yes, 3!) in a morning and that means that I can't really do anything with my day until they've gone at around 11am. I used to go for a morning walk 3 or 4 times a week but the carer timings and the weather has put paid to that for a bit so I'm a tad cabin-feverish at the moment.
It's a shame that your OH's daughters aren't interacting with you both more. I'm fortunate in that one of mine lives nearby so we tend to meet up for a walk at the weekend and the other I call once a week for a chat. Between those times we have occasional WhatsApp chats and it's the two of them that have kept me sane over the last two years since the diagnosis.
You have had far too much to deal with
I’m not surprised you are feeling like you are You certainly don’t need a kick but a hug I’m only just beginning this journey & have had nowhere near what you have dealt with but I’m feeling pretty down & fed up I think I definitely need a kick up the backside Reading this has been a wake up call for me You are amazing
