Hello, I am looking after my mother jointly with my sister, mum has dementia, and thankfully still lives at home.
this is where I would like her to stay as long as possible.
Sadly some times she falls and can not get back up, without help. She has an alarm wrist button,and gets daily visits.
The lockdown, has seriously restricted her activities, and she spends virtually everyday say in a chair watching television. I know this is a bad situation, when I visit, I sit and talk, and push her around the local area as exercise. She doesn't walk well and hates the cold, so this has been quite difficult recently, but I am hoping this will improve this year.I
My sister barely talks to my mother, my mother told me, she doesn't like her,I don't comment.
I have worked in care homes, and have experience of caring for the elderly, and dementia patients.
in my mother's case at the moment we laugh together a lot.
My main problems is not my mother but my sister and her 3rd husband.
I am going bald, it doesn't appear hereditary, I take vitamins and eat well, so my doctor has put it down to stress.
If I was a man I would probably get over baldness, slightly better, but I am female.
My story is a long one, I'll try and shorten it.
Mother, father, three girls, girls grow up leave home, 2 finally end up living quite near parents. Father gets Ill given 1 year to live if lucky. He manages 18 months, dies peacefully in his bed, Thank God.with m um, me and husband with him. Middle sister lives away, but tried to get home as often as possible, older sister, lives locally, ignores the situation, barely visits doesn't help. When I told her my concerns because my mother was caring 24/7 for my dad she suggested putting him in home, I asked Dad ! he didn't want to, so end of discussion. Older sister booked a holiday abroad instead. Father got worse, phoned Sisters,middle one set off to get here, older one came home from work and had a shower, phoned her friends, and waited till they arrived, I phoned again, she still didn't arrive she lived 2 streets away,, dad died, she turned up hours later, with friends, then left to try and cancel holiday, we sorted everything out and told my niece for her.I
Older sister married again, middle sister dislike husband so much she disowned all of us. We didn't like him, so just kept our distance. I have kept in touch, with middle sister through text, she seems okay.
Years later mum got diagnosed with dementia, we started a WhatsApp between me, my sister, husband and brother in law. My sister and I, shared the care, 3/4 days between us. Got joint power of attorney
Brother in law started writing snide nasty comments, tried to make out mum was torturing cat, no proof. I told sister how hurtful he was, she shrugged her shoulders, and told us to take it up with him.
We booked a holiday, at 11.30pm we were just getting ready to leave for the airport, B in L text a horrible message to my husband telling him how awful I was, and how upset my sister was.Husband drove us both there, sister watching telly, B in L drink ing on computer up stairs.
Big row , B in L accused me of leaving mother in bad state, and stealing from her, my husband called him a drunk, and told him to leave us alone, he was still shouting as we left.
Came back off holiday text ranted at sister, she told us she saved us from the police!!!I
Then things got bad.
Only communication was text between hubby and sister, or the odd note, I said I would have nothing to do with the money so they couldn't accuse me again.
Then 5 month later, B in L, did it again!! midnight messages, we had banned him from communicating with us, but he found years old messages, to sister ,this time I was apparently a drunk, and threatened both of us with police action , no proof of this,then told hubby they should meet and have a nice chat, about me!.
Hubby told him he had mental health problems, sister didn't know about messages.
She sent snide comments on notes, so I told her we were keeping a record of all of their messages, and suddenly they turned polite messages. I told my sister I didn't want him near my mother as he manipulates, distorts exagerates, facts. She ignored me. Mam doesn't like him, I don't talk about him.
Mams bank card doesn't work, I have informed sister, I just buy the items for mam now,
Please advise.. Any help !
this is where I would like her to stay as long as possible.
Sadly some times she falls and can not get back up, without help. She has an alarm wrist button,and gets daily visits.
The lockdown, has seriously restricted her activities, and she spends virtually everyday say in a chair watching television. I know this is a bad situation, when I visit, I sit and talk, and push her around the local area as exercise. She doesn't walk well and hates the cold, so this has been quite difficult recently, but I am hoping this will improve this year.I
My sister barely talks to my mother, my mother told me, she doesn't like her,I don't comment.
I have worked in care homes, and have experience of caring for the elderly, and dementia patients.
in my mother's case at the moment we laugh together a lot.
My main problems is not my mother but my sister and her 3rd husband.
I am going bald, it doesn't appear hereditary, I take vitamins and eat well, so my doctor has put it down to stress.
If I was a man I would probably get over baldness, slightly better, but I am female.
My story is a long one, I'll try and shorten it.
Mother, father, three girls, girls grow up leave home, 2 finally end up living quite near parents. Father gets Ill given 1 year to live if lucky. He manages 18 months, dies peacefully in his bed, Thank God.with m um, me and husband with him. Middle sister lives away, but tried to get home as often as possible, older sister, lives locally, ignores the situation, barely visits doesn't help. When I told her my concerns because my mother was caring 24/7 for my dad she suggested putting him in home, I asked Dad ! he didn't want to, so end of discussion. Older sister booked a holiday abroad instead. Father got worse, phoned Sisters,middle one set off to get here, older one came home from work and had a shower, phoned her friends, and waited till they arrived, I phoned again, she still didn't arrive she lived 2 streets away,, dad died, she turned up hours later, with friends, then left to try and cancel holiday, we sorted everything out and told my niece for her.I
Older sister married again, middle sister dislike husband so much she disowned all of us. We didn't like him, so just kept our distance. I have kept in touch, with middle sister through text, she seems okay.
Years later mum got diagnosed with dementia, we started a WhatsApp between me, my sister, husband and brother in law. My sister and I, shared the care, 3/4 days between us. Got joint power of attorney
Brother in law started writing snide nasty comments, tried to make out mum was torturing cat, no proof. I told sister how hurtful he was, she shrugged her shoulders, and told us to take it up with him.
We booked a holiday, at 11.30pm we were just getting ready to leave for the airport, B in L text a horrible message to my husband telling him how awful I was, and how upset my sister was.Husband drove us both there, sister watching telly, B in L drink ing on computer up stairs.
Big row , B in L accused me of leaving mother in bad state, and stealing from her, my husband called him a drunk, and told him to leave us alone, he was still shouting as we left.
Came back off holiday text ranted at sister, she told us she saved us from the police!!!I
Then things got bad.
Only communication was text between hubby and sister, or the odd note, I said I would have nothing to do with the money so they couldn't accuse me again.
Then 5 month later, B in L, did it again!! midnight messages, we had banned him from communicating with us, but he found years old messages, to sister ,this time I was apparently a drunk, and threatened both of us with police action , no proof of this,then told hubby they should meet and have a nice chat, about me!.
Hubby told him he had mental health problems, sister didn't know about messages.
She sent snide comments on notes, so I told her we were keeping a record of all of their messages, and suddenly they turned polite messages. I told my sister I didn't want him near my mother as he manipulates, distorts exagerates, facts. She ignored me. Mam doesn't like him, I don't talk about him.
Mams bank card doesn't work, I have informed sister, I just buy the items for mam now,
Please advise.. Any help !
