Hi,
My dad (80 years) has dementia and lives with his younger brother who is is 65. They have lived together for about 19 years, during which time my dad's brother has rarely contributed to any bills or done any housework. My dad has constantly bailed him out financially. My dad now has diminished understanding of finances and has a debt to his pension scheme of several thousand pounds due to overpayment previously. He continues to give his brother money every day to buy him a newspaper, cigarettes and food sundries. This is a relatively small amount of money to be spending but somehow he is spending a lot of cash. My dad rarely goes out so does not go and spend on his own. Whenever I visit, there is little to show for any expenditure. In the last two weeks, he has spent over £400. I have spoken to my dad's brother in the past, because my dad used to write down in his diary when he had given him money but he does not do it anymore, and told him not to take my dad's money for himself. He has always said it would stop but it never has. I believe he probably takes money to buy my dad things and does not give the change back. I have reported it to Social Care and they assessed my dad as having capacity (which is incredible as my dad does not know how to get to the bank or how to get money out - he has to get his brother or me to go with him - and does not understand or have any concern about paying his debt to his pension company, nor can he retain any information for very long) and also spoke to my dad's brother who told them that he used to ask my dad for money but does not do it anymore. Social Care then told me that it just appeared to be a family feud and basically it was my word against his. My dad's brother seems to be lying to everyone (he lies about anything to suit himself) and laughing in our faces as he continues to scrounge off my dad. I do not have concrete evidence but there is no other explanation. My dad's brother has had three spells in hospital this year and each time he has been there, my dad has stopped spending so much money, and on his return my dad has started spending again, so there is really only one conclusion to draw. I have POA but this only gives limited powers as my dad can still draw cash from the bank, which he does regularly and often has about £300 in cash in his back pocket. I do not want to apply to the court either as I live quite far away and it would not be practical and in any case my dad would still end up with some cash, much of which would probably go to his brother. His brother is also in debt to their landlord and I believe he asks my dad for money to pay for that too (again, no actual proof but he is on benefits and has very little money). My dad does not seem concerned and just carries on giving him money. My wife has said to just leave them to get on with it as my dad is happy and could not be living in his flat if his brother was not there (even though he does nothing to help and we had to get carers in because his brother did not bother to help him in any way - even didn't remind my dad to take his tablets). I accept my dad's brother has no legal obligation to my dad in terms of providing care. However, it is extremely frustrating and although my dad perhaps used to willingly and knowingly help his brother financially, I believe that his condition now means that he is unable to make sensible decisions about how he manages his finances and that his brother is basically exploiting the situation. I would appreciate any advice, even if it is just to let it go, although I am finding this difficult. Many thanks.