End of Life, what to expect.

[MowgliGirl02]

Hey all.
I think the doctor will advise us that mum will be moved to end of life care tomorrow. She hasn’t improved much with new antibiotics, and I can tell when she looks at me and without speaking that she’s ready to go.
She’s not eating, she’s only drinking when she’s alert enough to do so safely.
As much as the thought scares me half to death, I have to be unselfish and realise that it’s what’s best for my mum that really matters, however much I want her to live.
Can I have some help, maybe even some information from people who have been through this about what to expect as we turn to the next phase.
What do I need to do? What do I need to plan? I don’t think they will let me bring her home, will they let me move her to a hospice?
I’ve been trying to stay positive for so long, but even I know that this disease has now completely taken over my mum.
And my god, that hurts.

 

[Kevinl]

Let her die knowing that whatever you do is right and/the best, sounds like it's past the at home or hospice phase from what you say, forgive me if I've read it incorrectly is out of care home/wherever or care at home an option, realistically.
Sorry and you have my sympathy. K

 

[MowgliGirl02]

It’s all happened so quickly. She was at home with me, and then a UTI came and she declined so quickly it’s knocked us Sideways. She’s in hospital, she’s comfortable and well looked after. I just don’t know if I need to do anything else now, or trust the people who are caring for her.

 

[canary]

The hospital may decide to send her to a nursing home for end of life care.
It depends on how far advanced she is and whether she could be safely moved.

Wherever she is, she will be able to have meds to keep her pain free and comfortable and you will be able to be with her.

Sometimes it can take much longer for them to pass away than you would think and there will be physical changes like her limbs growing cold and changes in the breathing, so do not get upset about them - it is just part of the process.

This limbo land is difficult, so make sure you eat and sleep
(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[MowgliGirl02]

I unfortunately was right. We were told today that they are just going to make mum comfortable now. My heart is broken, she’s my best friend, my world and I don’t know how I’m going to cope without her. 😢

 

[scotlass]

I feel so sad for you, everyone of us on this forum know exactly how you're feeling, take comfort from the love and care you gave her while she was with you,,x

 

[QueenieP]

I’m feeling your pain. My mom has been in a nursing home for over 4 years. 12 days ago she stopped eating and drinking. I’ts so hard just waiting. My sister and I are with her 24hours so she’s not on her own. I’m trying to be strong for my family but I’m falling apart.

 

[canary]

Im so sorry @QueenieP
((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

My mum went 17 days with no food or fluid and I understand
This twilight world, this limbo land is so hard to navigate. I found I longed for it to be over, but dreaded the time when it would be.

Have you told your mum that it is OK to go?
Make sure you have said all the important things - I love you, thank you, Im sorry
Hearing is the last thing to go so she will be able to hear, even if she cannot respond

Be aware that many people die when they are on their own - often when the person with them nips out quickly to go to the loo. I had stayed with mum 24/7 (sleeping on the floor) for three days as I was told that she had only hours to go. Eventually I had to go and check up on OH and she passed away within 10 mins of me leaving. I was devastated, but an older and very experienced carer told me that she had seen this on many, many occasions. She thought the person dying has some control over when they pass away and some choose to go when they are on their own to spare the relatives

 

[MowgliGirl02]

@QueenieP My heart is with you as we both navigate this stage. The need to be there with them is overwhelming, but you also need time away to breathe in a way. I know that my mum would be hating the fact that I’m going through this with her. She’s been so fiercely protective of me for most of my life. She wouldn’t want me upset, and my god the thought of her not being here anymore is heartbreaking.
As a certain recently departed Queen said, “Grief is the price we pay for love” and it’s so true. Let her know you love her, and it’s okay to go. I have said it to her now, but my mama is still fighting to stay.
Sending love and hugs to you.

 

[SkyeD]

Sorry to hear about both of your mums @MowgliGirl02 and @QueenieP
My thoughts are with you both at this sad time.
S x