Cry my eyes out.

[Ms Sheila Moggy]

When my Partner was taken to a Care Home, with Dementia, in an ambulance, I cried like a banshee for ages. It is a year later & sometimes I still can't stop crying.

I know it's not going to get any better. In the kindest possible way, I found comfort in that others are going through this terrible emotional pain.

One thing that bothers me is that, if say, I go for a snack in the M&S cafe, I feel guilty. I know I have to have a break for my sanity, but it's difficult to take away these feelings.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Ms Sheila Moggy and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and welcoming community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. This is a great place to share your feelings with people who truly understand, as many of us have felt the same at times. I hope that you'll find solace and support here.
.

 

[Banjomansmate]

It’s a bit like after someone dies and you find something funny, you wonder if you should be laughing, shouldn’t you be feeling sad and serious? But there is no reason for life to stop, you are still allowed to enjoy yourself, even if it is just a cup of tea or coffee in a cafe!

 

[DeeCee7]

Hello @Sheila Moggy a year is a long time to still be feeling guilty. Do you visit your Partner a lot, as you refer to having a coffee as a *break”. If so, maybe you could space out your visits more or have a mini break away to help break the cycle of feelings? Your head knows that dementia shouldn’t be ruining both your lives, but your heart needs to know this too. Have you thought about counselling? Sending you my very best wishes.

 

[Ms Sheila Moggy]

It’s a bit like after someone dies and you find something funny, you wonder if you should be laughing, shouldn’t you be feeling sad and serious? But there is no reason for life to stop, you are still allowed to enjoy yourself, even if it is just a cup of tea or coffee in a cafe!

Thank you for your reply. I find I feel guilty because, at the moment, he is quite a long way away. I am trying to get him closer. It was an emergency situation at the time. Because of this, I travel by two buses to get there & although I can walk a bit, I mainly go about outside by a self propelled wheelchair. It takes it out of me.

We have been together for 50 years & I miss him like mad.

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

 

[Ms Sheila Moggy]

Thank you for your reply. I find I feel guilty because, at the moment, he is quite a long way away. I am trying to get him closer. It was an emergency situation at the time. Because of this, I travel by two buses to get there & although I can walk a bit, I mainly go about outside by a self propelled wheelchair. It takes it out of me.

We have been together for 50 years & I miss him like mad.

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

 

[Ms Sheila Moggy]

Hello @Sheila Moggy a year is a long time to still be feeling guilty. Do you visit your Partner a lot, as you refer to having a coffee as a *break”. If so, maybe you could space out your visits more or have a mini break away to help break the cycle of feelings? Your head knows that dementia shouldn’t be ruining both your lives, but your heart needs to know this too. Have you thought about counselling? Sending you my very best wishes.

I am not sure if I replied to you or not, as I am very new to this site. I feel guilty because I feel I should visit him more often. He fortunately still knows who I am. To visit his Care Home, is a round journey of about 4 - 5 hours, & over an hour in a self propelled wheelchair, not including the visit, it exhausts me. Also I am not in the best of health. Although he probably wouldn't know, I couldn't go away, because I would miss him so much, I do, of course anyway, & of course get the guilt feelings again. He is, hopefully, one day going to the be moved closer to me, so that I can visit him more easily and often. I know, in my head, that I should be ok about the odd day out, but my heart still breaks. Thank you for reminding me that it's not my fault.

 

[scotlass]

when you've been with someone for such a long time, and were always there for each other, it's hard when you have to do things by yourself, although my O H is still with me, I know exactly how you feel, because, I imagine what it must be like, as this horrible disease gets worse...

 

[Ms Sheila Moggy]

Thank you so much for your kind email. My partner has lost the ability to converse properly & he used to be such a talkative person. I could hardly get a word in sometimes. Oh if he could get that back. It's mainly me talking to him & seeing if I can get a reply. I asked him if he had words in his head, but couldn't get them out. He said yes. What a terrible thing to happen. Like a baby when it is born, only he knows what is wrong with him. Bless you & hope you stay strong enough to cope.