Caregiver duties- what is acceptable to ask?

[Toopie28]

When it comes to "light housekeeping" and caring for your LO, what is acceptable to ask?

I have a new carer that i will be employing and wanted to find out the rules (if any) .
For example- I have someone whom I trust with Ma and know she will be taken care of. However she will not do certain things.

So ill ask her to check the bathroom (not clean!) for towels and make sure sink is draining. She says absolutely and never does.
Same with asking Ma to brush her teeth or if she needs help brushing her teeth. Absolutely, she says. Never. Not once unless I text her to ask.

Emptying the small trash bin. It's usually overflowing.
Refilling her cereal- which she does when i ask her! But leaves the box open (I fear of rodents, which has happened before and had to get my neighbour to help. I was far)

Cleaning up - after herself. She will make tea and stuff for Ma and drips all around and won't clean it up.

She always says yes. Especially when i ask and I pay her very well. And she's there a lot of hours. Just sitting usually. Ma's actually been saying - that she doesn't do anything other than "sit" (I swear, the things this woman catches on to).

So am I asking too much?
(I do have a cleaner, carers sister who doesn't clean well but Ma likes her for tea 😀)

Thanks.

 

[Bunpoots]

Hi @Toopie28

I employed a person for my dad in the early days and she would also do cleaning, light gardening (she loved gardening) and laundry. She also made his meals while she was there and reminded him to take his pills. She used to charge dad £10 an hour although this was about 7 or 8 years ago. She always cleaned up after herself and would empty the bins and even take the dustbin out on bins days if I asked her to.
I could trust her do do what I asked and I find it strange that your person is agreeing to do this and then not doing them. It must be very frustrating!

Dad’s companion carer would remind dad to do his personal care but once he needed physical help with that I had to get other carers for him to help morning and evening.

 

[canary]

No, the things you are asking are not unacceptable. All of OHs carers will (unasked) clean the washbasin, make his bed and change it when necessary. Yesterday when OHs carer arrived OH had had a seizure and was completely out of it, so she could not wash, dress etc him. Instead, she asked if there was anything else I would like her to do instead, so she vacuumed the lounge and cleaned the bathroom.

The carers have a care plan which includes all the routine tasks (like cleaning the washbasin) plus a clause saying that they should do "light housework" if there is extra time (there isnt usually). Because it is in the care plan organised by the agency they will do it and there are no problems.

Is your carer employed by an agency, or is she a private carer? If she is employed by an agency you can make sure that these regular tasks are on her care plan and if she doesnt do them you can complain to the agency. If its a private carer, does she have a care plan agreed with you? If not it would probably be a good idea to sit down with her (zoom?) and agree a written care plan which she can refer to.
If she has a written care plan and isnt taking any notice of it, then there is not much you can do apart from finding someone else - which I know would be difficult for you.

 

[Jessbow]

How can you know that she doesnt check towels and see to the plug hole?
Towels can be clean one minut, and smeared with .... the next.

I would expect her to clear up behind herself and behind your mother, change her bed, do laundry etc

 

[Violet Jane]

Is the first person a friend or neighbour? Is she only really happy to check up on your Mum and be a companion? Perhaps you should pay her for companionship and pay the new carer for all the housework and personal care.

You can insist on the carer doing what is in the care plan and I suggest that you draw one up with the new carer. Care plans should be quite detailed and include things like teeth brushing and applying creams. Of course, you need to be reasonable about how much you expect the carer to do within the allotted time. E.g. half an hour is probably not long enough to get a PWD up, washed and dressed, prepare and serve breakfast, wash and tidy up, supervise the taking of medication and put a wash on. Think about what help your mother needs - and this includes prompting and supervising - and take into account the extra time needed if your mother is slow to mobilise or accept help or resistant to things.

If you want 'proper' cleaning to be done then you should be prepared to pay for extra hours for this. A carer won't have time to fit a lot of cleaning into a routine care visit.

I wouldn't expect a carer to do gardening. You need to engage a gardener for this.

It sounds as if you're using people that you mother likes and will accept rather than people who are effective. I know that you're desperate to keep your mother at home and I expect that companionship for your mother is the priority for you. I understand that and that's why I think that you should divert all personal care and housework to a new carer who has a proper care plan and leave the current people to provide companionship. It's always going to be difficult to put arrangements with friends and neighbours on a professional footing even if you're paying them.

 

[Toopie28]

No, the things you are asking are not unacceptable. All of OHs carers will (unasked) clean the washbasin, make his bed and change it when necessary. Yesterday when OHs carer arrived OH had had a seizure and was completely out of it, so she could not wash, dress etc him. Instead, she asked if there was anything else I would like her to do instead, so she vacuumed the lounge and cleaned the bathroom.

The carers have a care plan which includes all the routine tasks (like cleaning the washbasin) plus a clause saying that they should do "light housework" if there is extra time (there isnt usually). Because it is in the care plan organised by the agency they will do it and there are no problems.

Is your carer employed by an agency, or is she a private carer? If she is employed by an agency you can make sure that these regular tasks are on her care plan and if she doesnt do them you can complain to the agency. If its a private carer, does she have a care plan agreed with you? If not it would probably be a good idea to sit down with her (zoom?) and agree a written care plan which she can refer to.
If she has a written care plan and isnt taking any notice of it, then there is not much you can do apart from finding someone else - which I know would be difficult for you.

No, not agency but from a friend of a friend.
When she started I realised that everything would change and kept reminding her of the fact.
She knew that it wouldn't just be taking Ma from A to B then back. And as time has gone on, she had gotten more hours.
Again, I trust her with Ma. I know she will get her there safely and back.
She's actually become my friend too and there is where the issue has begun and continues.
But more importantly, she and I both know that without her I'd be screwed.
I give her list upon list with the SAME chores but she doesn't do them. I have meetings with her when I come back and reiterate in a very nice manner what needs done.
Oh yes, absolutely. I'll do all of that. Of course.
In fact today, she made tea for Ma before she left (she didn't know I was in the house) and I came into the kitchen and she had thrown the t-bag away and there was a trail of dropped tea on the white countertop and floor. It's just a lot of these little things.
Do I really need to tell a grown woman to clean up after herself? Ugh, sorry - just venting.

But I will not make that same mistake again. I have another person (taken over a year to find and I will post experience since I am the employer and recruited myself) and will have a detailed plan for her when she comes for Ma's care.

Thanks.

 

[Toopie28]

How can you know that she doesnt check towels and see to the plug hole?
Towels can be clean one minut, and smeared with .... the next.

I would expect her to clear up behind herself and behind your mother, change her bed, do laundry etc

Well camera's for one - I check always She even knows this.
I'll be halfway across the world texting her saying, oh can you please ask Ma is she'd like help to make the bed. Or the bin looks full, can you please throw on your way out. Or that wet rag has been there since Ma got up, would you mind shoving in the washing machine.

For bathroom, I have my SIL who pops by to see. I'll have her change the towels or throw some bleach in the toilet. And she'll find the sink full of water. Ma will just use in the morning (her routine).

But she doesn't move after making Ma tea. But can't lose her and she knows it, so I suppose that's the burden of caring from afar.

 

[Toopie28]

Is the first person a friend or neighbour? Is she only really happy to check up on your Mum and be a companion? Perhaps you should pay her for companionship and pay the new carer for all the housework and personal care.

You can insist on the carer doing what is in the care plan and I suggest that you draw one up with the new carer. Care plans should be quite detailed and include things like teeth brushing and applying creams. Of course, you need to be reasonable about how much you expect the carer to do within the allotted time. E.g. half an hour is probably not long enough to get a PWD up, washed and dressed, prepare and serve breakfast, wash and tidy up, supervise the taking of medication and put a wash on. Think about what help your mother needs - and this includes prompting and supervising - and take into account the extra time needed if your mother is slow to mobilise or accept help or resistant to things.

If you want 'proper' cleaning to be done then you should be prepared to pay for extra hours for this. A carer won't have time to fit a lot of cleaning into a routine care visit.

I wouldn't expect a carer to do gardening. You need to engage a gardener for this.

It sounds as if you're using people that you mother likes and will accept rather than people who are effective. I know that you're desperate to keep your mother at home and I expect that companionship for your mother is the priority for you. I understand that and that's why I think that you should divert all personal care and housework to a new carer who has a proper care plan and leave the current people to provide companionship. It's always going to be difficult to put arrangements with friends and neighbours on a professional footing even if you're paying them.

She's a friend now, yes.
She wasn't at the beginning.
Yes a companion but she knew that there would be more.
I'd rather she say, no I'm not touching the bathroom or cleaning but she always says yes and doesn't do anything.
And again, I don't expect her to clean like I would. Just wipe up after yourself.
Proper cleaning I do pay for that separately.
Gardening - I wouldn't either. But I do ask that they be near her to ensure she doesn't fall. All she does is pick weeds (and flowers now) and that's it. She enjoys that, it's her baby. The gardener does the other stuff.
And yes, I will be writing up a plan for the new carer. Fingers crossed it works.

 

[Veritas]

@Toopie28

This is probably not what you want to hear, but I think you should rethink the 'can't lose her' bit. You are understandably frustrated by her behaviour, but the more you accommodate it the more likely it is that other things will come up that you aren't happy about either, and will feel powerless to deal with. This is not a good place to be.

What you are asking to be done is entirely reasonable and - unless this person is a dyed-in- the-wool slob (some people are) - it is hard to understand why she persists in taking no notice of your requests. If she is constitutionally incapable of understanding why you're asking for these things to be done, I am wondering why you trust her with your mother?

 

[Violet Jane]

I'm wondering on what basis this arrangement was set up. Did the current 'carer' start by popping round to check on your mother and spend some time with her (have a cup of tea and a chat etc) and you then decided to ask her to do a few things in the nature of personal care and housework, which she didn't sign up for originally and clearly doesn't want to do?

What's the new carer going to be doing? Are you planning to cut down on the current carer's hours and get rid of the ineffectual cleaner?

 

[Toopie28]

@Toopie28

This is probably not what you want to hear, but I think you should rethink the 'can't lose her' bit. You are understandably frustrated by her behaviour, but the more you accommodate it the more likely it is that other things will come up that you aren't happy about either, and will feel powerless to deal with. This is not a good place to be.

What you are asking to be done is entirely reasonable and - unless this person is a dyed-in- the-wool slob (some people are) - it is hard to understand why she persists in taking no notice of your requests. If she is constitutionally incapable of understanding why you're asking for these things to be done, I am wondering why you trust her with your mother?

I've seen her with her. She won't let any harm come to her and holds her arm when they are out so I know she's good that way.
But yes, I def need more people.

 

[Toopie28]

I'm wondering on what basis this arrangement was set up. Did the current 'carer' start by popping round to check on your mother and spend some time with her (have a cup of tea and a chat etc) and you then decided to ask her to do a few things in the nature of personal care and housework, which she didn't sign up for originally and clearly doesn't want to do?

What's the new carer going to be doing? Are you planning to cut down on the current carer's hours and get rid of the ineffectual cleaner?

I'm cutting down on a few.
I will be upping the new carer if it works out. I'm actually typing out a carer plan right now. It's very detailed.

The cleaner - prob not. She does the minimum and keeps Ma company which gives me 2 hours of rest so I weigh the pros and cons.