Care home queries

[NickP]

My dad has recently moved permanently into a care home, having had several short stays for respite. My mum has been caring for him at home and we have known for some time that he would require permanent care at some point soon - the decision was taken out of our hands really when my mum had a stroke a couple of months ago. She is doing well and dad's transition to a permanent contract was very smooth.
Now he's been in for a couple of months, I have some questions to ask others who may have been through this before us...
Staff are really friendly and kind - but pretty difficult to get in touch with even when they have suggested getting in touch to arrange a care review... should we be concerned about this? I live more than an hour away so can't visit often and rely on phone/ email to stay in touch in between.
We have been told we can attend a care review every month - mum just made the appointment for the first one and staff seemed surprised that she wanted it... what are people's experiences of care reviews/ frequency/ type etc.
Dad's Alzheimer's is quite advanced - when still at home he slept much of the time and was difficult to wake and get up in the mornings; he was often up at night. Staff tell us that he is rarely up at night now, but he is almost always sleeping when we visit - often still in his pyjamas during the day. When he is dressed, he is always clean and well presented. We have tried to wake him to get him to eat but it's a real struggle. I know that people sleep more and eat less as dementia progresses but when does that usually happen - is this just normal behaviour that we are seeing from dad, or should we be concerned?
On our last visit, we sat dad up, woke him and encouraged him to eat his lunch - he did really well and then promptly vomited it all up again! The nurse was excellent and checked him over (he's been fine since) and suggested that he had simply eaten more than he could cope with (he had eaten a hearty portion of sausage casserole with potatoes and veg!) She said he typically ate half his meal and took an hour to do so - with us, he ate almost all of it in about 25 minutes... probably does explain the vomiting! So hard to know what is 'normal' and what to worry about in terms of quality of care.
Thank you for ploughing through all of this and for any advice you can offer.

 

[Kevinl]

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but feeding someone is more important than answering the telephone sometimes, just my thoughts but care is hands on people not the phone.
Sorry to post in such a negative way. K

 

[NickP]

@Kevinl thank you for your reply - I agree with you... my mum and I have said the same, that we would rather staff in the home were caring for Dad and other residents than answering the phone! It's just difficult when they email to say get in touch to arrange a care meeting.... then don't respond at all to any emails or phone calls!
Thanks though for helping to keep some of this in perspective.
Any thoughts on the sleep/ limited eating issue?

 

[Sirena]

My mother has been in a care home for several years and I have rarely had any problem raising staff on the phone. Occasionally I have to try twice, but I always get someone.

In terms of care meetings, my mother's care home does annual reviews - that's it. I think probably when she first moved there she had one after a month, but other than that, I can't see the need for frequent formal reviews. When I visit a member of staff will always tell me how she's been.

In terms of sleeping and eating, that's an individual thing so I'm not sure any of us would be able to help, everyone is different. But when I visit in the afternoon I'd say most of the residents are asleep in their chairs. My mother almost always is, but she is very late stage now so that's to be expected.

 

[NickP]

@Sirena thank you so much for your reply - it's really helpful to hear about the annual review. As it is all new to us, we are simply responding to invitations to attend meetings, but can certainly see that the updates we get when one of us visits are fine and if we were worried, we could just ask when we are in, rather than needing a formal review meeting.
Thanks too for your honesty about the sleep thing - it's so hard isn't it, as there's no such thing as 'normal' - it makes it so difficult to know when to worry!

 

[Sirena]

Yes it's a whole new world, one which we all wish we had never had to enter! My mother has been in her care home for a long time so I am now used to it, but it seemed very alien in the first few months. It takes some getting used to.

 

[Jessbow]

Monthly seems Ove the top- are there going to be significant changes that frequently at the stage he's at?
I doubt it

 

[Jale]

Mum has an annual care plan review, but if we are concerned about anything then it can be reviewed if necessary

 

[backin]

@Sirena thank you so much for your reply - it's really helpful to hear about the annual review. As it is all new to us, we are simply responding to invitations to attend meetings, but can certainly see that the updates we get when one of us visits are fine and if we were worried, we could just ask when we are in, rather than needing a formal review meeting.
Thanks too for your honesty about the sleep thing - it's so hard isn't it, as there's no such thing as 'normal' - it makes it so difficult to know when to worry!

The monthly meeting may be relative meetings where you have a chance to discuss the home with the managers