I suppose this is a rant really but I know some of you will come up with suggestions of how to deal with these "episodes".
Buckle in as this might be a long one!
I'm a regular on here that tends to offer advice or an ear, I have asked questions and have had some really good responses and so much love.
When I read through what some people are going through with their loved ones I feel like I have impostor syndrome. My dad lives independently, he is clean, he relies on us for shopping and sorting his drugs, checking the banks and things that are technically complicated (for him).
We can now spot when he is about to have a "bad episode", when the red mist comes down or when he feels like he can talk to us like poo.
So on Sunday we picked him up for lunch and I just knew that the face was stiff and he was clenching his jaw, but I thought we are meeting family today so he will hostess and maybe it will pass............oh how wrong I was.
He was quiet in the car on the way home and we made arrangements to go to our ADSG coffee morning on Monday. Again, I picked him up and he had that clenched jaw look.
It turns out that he has told one of the ladies there that he HAS to work to make sure MY bills are paid. Now, she knows he has dementia but what about the people that don't know, that he is saying these things to?
Normally I wouldn't "challenge" him on these things, but I thought I would see what his response was, in my softest voice (because that works best with him), I said "the lady that does the coffee said something funny today, she asked me what job you did?" I didn't mention him paying MY bills just about his work. He completely went off topic and started talking about another lady that had been sitting with him. Like a child caught with their hand in the candy jar.
Then (sorry still ranting), this morning he would normally go to an Age Care Group, he called and said he didn't feel well and he had a pain in the chest. Of course we went straight there and called the emergency dr. They came out and said that he is fine but he has a bad cough and his lungs are clear but they have given him an antibiotic and an anti-inflammatory.
As soon as the dr left and my husband went to the chemist my dad started talking about getting a job. All I had said was I think we need to get the cleaner in every week rather than fortnightly, he stormed off up the stairs saying "well I have to consider my work and how much I can afford (there is no shortage of money). I tried to talk to him about it but he was already upstairs and I didn't want to have one of those conversations when you can't look at each other.
He then came down after his shower and said that he would have to have a word with the cleaner as she was using all his deodorant and shower gel! No she doesn't! I couldn't keep my mouth shut, I know I was wrong, I know I shouldn't bite. It just really rubbed me today. Then he gives me the face and the "oh ok!" in that really nasty voice.
He is so ungrateful, he is so critical. I sat there sorting all the drugs into his dossette box, cleared up, mopped and swept, explained everything to him and he just stood there looking at me like I was poo on his shoe.
There off my chest, shoulders have slightly gone back to their normal position. Head is clearing.
Thank you to any poor soul that got to the end of this rant! Thank you for the virtual loves and hugs that I know we all share.
Tomorrow is our normal lunch day with dad and I am dreading it already.........that can't be right can it?
Jxx
Buckle in as this might be a long one!
I'm a regular on here that tends to offer advice or an ear, I have asked questions and have had some really good responses and so much love.
When I read through what some people are going through with their loved ones I feel like I have impostor syndrome. My dad lives independently, he is clean, he relies on us for shopping and sorting his drugs, checking the banks and things that are technically complicated (for him).
We can now spot when he is about to have a "bad episode", when the red mist comes down or when he feels like he can talk to us like poo.
So on Sunday we picked him up for lunch and I just knew that the face was stiff and he was clenching his jaw, but I thought we are meeting family today so he will hostess and maybe it will pass............oh how wrong I was.
He was quiet in the car on the way home and we made arrangements to go to our ADSG coffee morning on Monday. Again, I picked him up and he had that clenched jaw look.
It turns out that he has told one of the ladies there that he HAS to work to make sure MY bills are paid. Now, she knows he has dementia but what about the people that don't know, that he is saying these things to?
Normally I wouldn't "challenge" him on these things, but I thought I would see what his response was, in my softest voice (because that works best with him), I said "the lady that does the coffee said something funny today, she asked me what job you did?" I didn't mention him paying MY bills just about his work. He completely went off topic and started talking about another lady that had been sitting with him. Like a child caught with their hand in the candy jar.
Then (sorry still ranting), this morning he would normally go to an Age Care Group, he called and said he didn't feel well and he had a pain in the chest. Of course we went straight there and called the emergency dr. They came out and said that he is fine but he has a bad cough and his lungs are clear but they have given him an antibiotic and an anti-inflammatory.
As soon as the dr left and my husband went to the chemist my dad started talking about getting a job. All I had said was I think we need to get the cleaner in every week rather than fortnightly, he stormed off up the stairs saying "well I have to consider my work and how much I can afford (there is no shortage of money). I tried to talk to him about it but he was already upstairs and I didn't want to have one of those conversations when you can't look at each other.
He then came down after his shower and said that he would have to have a word with the cleaner as she was using all his deodorant and shower gel! No she doesn't! I couldn't keep my mouth shut, I know I was wrong, I know I shouldn't bite. It just really rubbed me today. Then he gives me the face and the "oh ok!" in that really nasty voice.
He is so ungrateful, he is so critical. I sat there sorting all the drugs into his dossette box, cleared up, mopped and swept, explained everything to him and he just stood there looking at me like I was poo on his shoe.
There off my chest, shoulders have slightly gone back to their normal position. Head is clearing.
Thank you to any poor soul that got to the end of this rant! Thank you for the virtual loves and hugs that I know we all share.
Tomorrow is our normal lunch day with dad and I am dreading it already.........that can't be right can it?
Jxx
