Any suggestions

[Alister]

I have had concerns about my Dad's health for a while. His short term memory doesn't seem to good. I've also recently found out that he's been drinking in secret. My question is do people with dementia drink in secret, he also seems to be obsessed with tidying up, is restless most of the time and can't seem to relax, he also seems to be disinterested in anything I do and seems to have a lack of empathy. I said to my Mum that dad doesn't seem too happy lately she said I know it's like living with a stranger sometimes. I'm not sure what to do as I've tried to talk to him but he just flew into a rage with me.

I know if I made an appointment for him with his GP he would fly of the handle with me.

I think he's in denial about something.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome to the forum Alister. I hope you will find it helpful and supportive.

It may be impossible to take your dad to the GP but there`s nothing to stop you making a list of your concerns and make an appointment with the doctor for yourself.

The doctor may not be able to discuss your dad with you but they will listen and decide on the next step.

I did this when I was concerned about my mother and it set the ball rolling.

 

[SherwoodSue]

Hello. I wonder what your dad’s drinking pattern was like as a younger man?

I am wondering perhaps if it is different now ? More regularly, secretive etc. ?
Could he be feeling that all isn’t well and using the alcohol to self medicate ?

I totally agree with the advice given make simple notes about what you are seeing. Say both to some extent are in denial but that you mum describes him of late as living like a stranger.

The GP may be able to find a legitimate way to see dad without giving the game away.

I hope you parents already did their POA. If not I would address that next. Mum first then dad This makes it more of a routine thing. Not just about him.

Good luck.

 

[Kevinl]

I agree with SherwoodSue get a PoA set up and doing this pre any formal diagnosis is a lot easier than post diagnosis.
That said the secret drinking is or could be an issue or cause of his issues. I drink way too much, not even going to deny it so if you came to visit me and couldn't see the bottle or the glass, not drunk but under the influence of alcohol I might present in a similar way.
I post on here as a carer and my (now late) wife did have issues with alcohol too pre diagnosis.
Alcohol is an addiction and can sometimes can cover up the early symptoms of dementia if it's known about, secret or denial drinking just complicated the equation. Good luck K

 

[Alister]

Hello. I wonder what your dad’s drinking pattern was like as a younger man?

I am wondering perhaps if it is different now ? More regularly, secretive etc. ?
Could he be feeling that all isn’t well and using the alcohol to self medicate ?

I totally agree with the advice given make simple notes about what you are seeing. Say both to some extent are in denial but that you mum describes him of late as living like a stranger.

The GP may be able to find a legitimate way to see dad without giving the game away.

I hope you parents already did their POA. If not I would address that next. Mum first then dad This makes it more of a routine thing. Not just about him.

Good luck.

Hello. I wonder what your dad’s drinking pattern was like as a younger man?

I am wondering perhaps if it is different now ? More regularly, secretive etc. ?
Could he be feeling that all isn’t well and using the alcohol to self medicate ?

I totally agree with the advice given make simple notes about what you are seeing. Say both to some extent are in denial but that you mum describes him of late as living like a stranger.

The GP may be able to find a legitimate way to see dad without giving the game away.

I hope you parents already did their POA. If not I would address that next. Mum first then dad This makes it more of a routine thing. Not just about him.

Good luck.

I know when he was working he would only have a couple of beers at the weekend, but over the past couple of years especially since the first lockdown he seemed to drink more. Last week I discovered that he might be drinking in secret because I discovered a bottle of red wine that was full on Friday evening and by Saturday afternoon it was nearly empty. He certainly wasn't drinking red wine in front of me. He bought himself a home breathalyser around November last year for some reason. His whole personality seems to have changed, no patience, everything has to be done right away, he gets agitated, he can't seem to relax. He either has alcohol related dementia or is alcohol dependent. I know if I made an appointment with his doctor he would flip out. When he's in front of other people he appears to be normal, like he's showtiming.