I’m finding that whenever my dad and I visit my mum in the care home she gets completely panic stricken before we arrive. She’s so worried we won’t come and she’ll burst into tears when she sees us, gets very pancicky and starts shouting. I was talking to the nurse today and I could hear shouting where was I and saying she wanted to die. As soon as we take her out for a drive she’s fine and we can have a decent conversation but her panic is extreme which upsets other residents. The others all seem reasonably calm and some don’t even have visitors. My mum is on so much medication I don’t think there’s anything else they can add.
Anxiety in care home
- Thread starter jackdog35
- Start date
You can inform the care home staff in advance - as I assume you need to if you plan to take your Mum out - without telling your Mum. You can also ask the staff not to tell her. As far as she’s concerned, you will just turn up as a lovely surprise and hopefully she’ll have her coat and shoes on and be in the car before she’s had time to get into a panic.
We always go the same day and time each week and she seems to know when we’re coming, not sure if that’s because her memory isn’t that bad or the staff tell her. She always demands we go out each time as she feels she’s a prisoner there
In that case, it might be worth varying the day/time of your visits so they can’t be anticipated, and giving the staff an explicit instruction not to tell her. I’d have thought they should be keen to help, as they’re having to manage her distress as well.
How often do you visit?
I visit my mum once a week (we live 1.5 hours away) but we stay 3-4 hours which is never enough for her as she asks us not to go..when I get there she says she wasn’t expecting me and why hadn’t anybody told her; I say nobody knows as we can just turn up at any time…
Because she gets so upset about how unhappy she is, nobody likes her, she says she smells and people call her a ***** (the most unlikely old lady to be called that) I’m thinking about going perhaps every 10 days or so..my brothers are local, 5 mins drive away and used to visit more often but now probably once a week for about an hour…
Just wondering what your schedule of visiting is like…
I visit my mum once a week (we live 1.5 hours away) but we stay 3-4 hours which is never enough for her as she asks us not to go..when I get there she says she wasn’t expecting me and why hadn’t anybody told her; I say nobody knows as we can just turn up at any time…
Because she gets so upset about how unhappy she is, nobody likes her, she says she smells and people call her a ***** (the most unlikely old lady to be called that) I’m thinking about going perhaps every 10 days or so..my brothers are local, 5 mins drive away and used to visit more often but now probably once a week for about an hour…
Just wondering what your schedule of visiting is like…
