Agreed to see the doctor again.
- Thread starter RM3
- Start date
You’re totally right the GP has to refer for that CT scan. I understand what you are saying about work, it definitely falls on us as partners to orchestrate these things when faced with such situations. You may wish to ask the Gp about signing him off work ? To be honest at the point your at they may also be relieved as an employer he is getting checked out. None of this is easy and I know it’s heartbreaking seeing the changes you too will benefit from answers. Let hope you get that date for the CT scan for him soon.
Thank you @Jess2023. That is right, I do also think that they would be relieved at work. I’ve never seen him in this predicament or anything like it. The doctor gave him a fit for work with modifications last visit and if modifications could not be made then he is not fit for work - but he decided not to use it. He seems to be muddling through in the other rooms he works between.
Thanks again and I will update once we have been to the doctors. X
Thank you @Jess2023 - I appreciate you support, especially when you also have so much going on yourself. I hope you have managed to arrange some respite? X
Please don’t anyone feel that you have to respond to this. I am just putting a couple of notes on from today that I can refer to for a bullet point to hand in tomorrow morning (didn’t have time with work today).
This afternoon whilst out in the car, we got to temporary 3 way lights. We waited in the queue whilst the other sides went, then went on our turn. As we passed the junction where the other two roads join, he said ‘this is an odd set up isn’t it with this and this’ I asked what he meant and he said ‘well the other roads won’t know when to go and they will have to just chance it or wait for gaps’. So I said well they have a light as well like we did for when they go. He said ‘but there’s them and them to go, you know what I mean’ . So I just said they get a green light like we did to go and a red light when it’s the other roads turn. He wouldn’t have said such a thing previously let alone have me explain something so simple. So I just agreed it could be difficult because he still thought it could get confusing for everyone.
Then on a walk, we went past some flowers and I said how nice they smelt and he said yes, they smell like yoghurt. No big deal but made me think about his ability to describe something (or maybe I’m just looking too hard nowadays). X
This afternoon whilst out in the car, we got to temporary 3 way lights. We waited in the queue whilst the other sides went, then went on our turn. As we passed the junction where the other two roads join, he said ‘this is an odd set up isn’t it with this and this’ I asked what he meant and he said ‘well the other roads won’t know when to go and they will have to just chance it or wait for gaps’. So I said well they have a light as well like we did for when they go. He said ‘but there’s them and them to go, you know what I mean’ . So I just said they get a green light like we did to go and a red light when it’s the other roads turn. He wouldn’t have said such a thing previously let alone have me explain something so simple. So I just agreed it could be difficult because he still thought it could get confusing for everyone.
Then on a walk, we went past some flowers and I said how nice they smelt and he said yes, they smell like yoghurt. No big deal but made me think about his ability to describe something (or maybe I’m just looking too hard nowadays). X
@leny connery - thank you for putting that slant on it. I didn’t see it like that but that just made me smile because yoghurt is about his favourite food. Thank you ☺️
Thank you @Sarasa. That evening was meant to happen and I only took one photo that evening and it’s a lovely photo of my mum raising her glass to me 🙏🏻 .
I will hand in the notes tomorrow morning and I am sure now in my mind of further tests being in my husbands best interest. Thank you x
Hi all. Just a bit of an update following the doctors apt as a follow up to the blood tests (I did drop in a letter of concerns and examples this morning).
All the bloods came back normal.
The doctor is lovely and she had a good chat with my husband. She told us that she is referring him to the memory clinic and for a CT Scan. She said that because of the concerns of young onset dementia, the appointment should be in approximately 4-6 weeks and then the scan will follow this.
I actually feel quite scared now. This has escalated from me having some private concerns, to discussing some with my daughters, then to posting on this forum and now the clinical appointments. Although I wanted the doctor to take us seriously, it also scares me that she is.
She also asked my husband if they could make a note on his file, that they could talk to me about his medical records and appointments.
I worry that this could be real and not only our day to day lives will change but all our plans for the future. I know there is still hope that this could be something and nothing or MCI but I feel like we are edging towards bad news.
My heart knows the changes are real. My husband hasn’t even mentioned anything about it (other than the doctor being nice). If he were his usual self he would be telling me to stop all this nonsense and that there’s nothing wrong with him, or, he would be in a panic now about what we are going to do if this is the worst news. But he’s just planting some plants we bought and then he will come in and watch YouTube. What would we do without this forum. So many things would go unsaid and we would suffer and worry in silence. Thank you x
All the bloods came back normal.
The doctor is lovely and she had a good chat with my husband. She told us that she is referring him to the memory clinic and for a CT Scan. She said that because of the concerns of young onset dementia, the appointment should be in approximately 4-6 weeks and then the scan will follow this.
I actually feel quite scared now. This has escalated from me having some private concerns, to discussing some with my daughters, then to posting on this forum and now the clinical appointments. Although I wanted the doctor to take us seriously, it also scares me that she is.
She also asked my husband if they could make a note on his file, that they could talk to me about his medical records and appointments.
I worry that this could be real and not only our day to day lives will change but all our plans for the future. I know there is still hope that this could be something and nothing or MCI but I feel like we are edging towards bad news.
My heart knows the changes are real. My husband hasn’t even mentioned anything about it (other than the doctor being nice). If he were his usual self he would be telling me to stop all this nonsense and that there’s nothing wrong with him, or, he would be in a panic now about what we are going to do if this is the worst news. But he’s just planting some plants we bought and then he will come in and watch YouTube. What would we do without this forum. So many things would go unsaid and we would suffer and worry in silence. Thank you x
Doctors are very good at quietly asking all kinds of diagnostic questions, without alarming their patients. My Mum’s GP can get through an entire annual dementia checkup without once even hinting at dementia or memory issues. I’m sure that depression will have been considered and discounted.
I think the NHS is far too stretched to put someone through dementia diagnostics without that being the top of the potential list of root causes.
Yes @Collywobbles, that is very true. Well at least this is not a long wait. My mind is going over so many things. What will we do if this does happen. What about work, should I book abroad while we can etc etc. I suppose all I can do is wait for these next appointments. Thank you x
I have even thought about whether I would want a diagnosis (if there were one), withheld from my husband. I worry that he would be upset and get down. I am jumping the gun but just trying to prepare. I think that if it were (and I know that is still a big if), I think I would want him to be told that he has MCI.
I wonder how other people have dealt with this. Thank you x
I wonder how other people have dealt with this. Thank you x
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Hello @RM3 , I can understand the fear and concern you are feeling right now. It's a normal emotion and I think every partner of a pwd has felt what you do now.
Whatever the diagnosis is in the end worrying about it now isn't going to change things.. I think you know deep down that these tests need to be done. Please try to let the tests and scans do the job and support your husband.
And if the diagnosis is dementia then things won't change dramatically on getting the diagnosis. There'll be a gradual progression of symptoms and you learn to adapt and deal with them . There will still be good times to be had!
And...if it's not dementia then your GP will look for treatment to help.
Take care x
Whatever the diagnosis is in the end worrying about it now isn't going to change things.. I think you know deep down that these tests need to be done. Please try to let the tests and scans do the job and support your husband.
And if the diagnosis is dementia then things won't change dramatically on getting the diagnosis. There'll be a gradual progression of symptoms and you learn to adapt and deal with them . There will still be good times to be had!
And...if it's not dementia then your GP will look for treatment to help.
Take care x
Thank you @maggie6445. I suppose when you say about adapting, I can see just what you mean because even though we don’t know yet, I have already been adapting to and making allowances for, many changes in my husband and in our day to lives.
So many years ahead of us yet and retirement would have been coming in the next few years and we were going to do this and that.
7 months ago, I had such an unblemished life. I had never known true hurt or grief. How quickly life can change.
Sorry to be gloomy. I am quite a strong person and will find my positivity. Thank you so much x
I really do understand. I'd had a bad divorce but had brushed myself off and had a new lovely life. . I had just retired when my OH was diagnosed. COVID lockdown down stopped the planned life of mini holidays and weeks away and once lockdown was over my OH wasn't able to enjoy the holiday plans. I know the pain of of shattered dreams but... And I think it's a big but ,life goes on and we make different plans and enjoy very different things to pre dementia but it is still generally good. Even if some of my posts are not always positive that's just tiredness and frustration ,but that's life!
Stay positive ,you will find some good times x
Thank you @maggie6445. That is such a cruel twist for you. First the diagnosis and then COVID robbing you of those crucial months/years.
I know that I will feel sorry for myself on and off but I know that I will as you say and did, brush myself off and move forward and if it were to be, I will make the very best of the time that I can and start doing some planning.
Thank you for taking the time to chat and take care too x
Your situation sounds so like mine with my husband I kept making excuses for things but underneath I knew things weren’t right My husband works for his brother My sister law mentioned they were worried as he was struggling at work & was very forgetful My husband has always been forgetful & muddled Anyway I knew we needed to get things checked out I like you were hoping it was MCI which it was but I thought things were getting worse so went back for more memory tests Unfortunately he has Alzheimer’s but getting a diagnosis is a good thing as you cannot have any medication for MCI also once diagnosed you can get on trials Yes it is upsetting but in a way it’s a relief to know I’m joining groups with my husband & one he goes to for the day on his own About a month ago he had to go to hospital He passed out at home it was awful he was well checked over in hospital but they are checking his heart All I could think was please may he be ok & I won’t get so impatient I’d rather have my husband forgetful & muddled than not at all Sending you very best wishes x
