Your tips: coping with family disagreements about a person's finances

[HarrietD]

Every issue our magazine includes real-life experiences, and they'd love to hear from you.

Do you have any advice about family disagreements over a person's finances when they have dementia?

For example, perhaps people disagree about the person's day to day costs?

Maybe how their care is paid for causes arguments?

Or they may not see eye to eye about whether the person's house should be sold?

Please post below or email magazine@alzheimers.org.uk before 3 May.

Thanks everyone

 

[NEIL123456789]

I appreciate it may be too late but the Power of Attorney is essential in cases like this so one person has the legal responsibility over the person's finances. Saves all the arguments.

 

[Jessbow]

I appreciate it may be too late but the Power of Attorney is essential in cases like this so one person has the legal responsibility over the person's finances. Saves all the arguments.

except when there are two of you with joint POA and you dont agree.

Can be something really simple and sometimes either is right/wrong and can be trivial eg
Which are the best socks for a person in a care home?

I say middle of the price range, multipack of all black
My co-POA thinks better quality singles- they wash better/last longer
Neither are wrong, but my theory is, 10 socks all the same, given they get lost wil result in socks lasting longer
Which of us is right? Neither...or both?

 

[jfhn05020]

I believe that the first thing to prioritize is communication: Open and honest communication among family members is incredibly important. Attempting to understand each other's perspectives and concerns is crucial, especially for those who are unwell. Establishing clear channels of communication can help prevent misunderstandings and disagreements. These principles are important even for healthy families.

 

[MaNaAk]

First of all you should keep each family member updated about your loved one's condition as well as finances and inform them about the Power Of Attorney. In our situation there were three of us and I lived with dad, my brother lived locally and our other lived far away. To avoid the brother living far away feeling left out it was agreed that I would hold the Power Of Attorney and that both of my brothers would be replacement attorneys. Once Power Of Attorney is granted you still need to keep relatives informed of expenditure, finances, property and health to try to limit any disagreements.

MaNaAk

 

[annieka 56]

First of all you should keep each family member updated about your loved one's condition as well as finances and inform them about the Power Of Attorney. In our situation there were three of us and I lived with dad, my brother lived locally and our other lived far away. To avoid the brother living far away feeling left out it was agreed that I would hold the Power Of Attorney and that both of my brothers would be replacement attorneys. Once Power Of Attorney is granted you still need to keep relatives informed of expenditure, finances, property and health to try to limit any disagreements.

MaNaAk

Hello MaNaAk

I truly hope you don't come up against this as sole attorney - but if your dad still has capacity perhaps he/you all - can discuss perhaps applying to amend his LPA to having another attorney.
This is our situation. I am my husband's sole attorney as he wanted to keep things simple. One of our sons is replacement attorney.
My husband no longer has mental capacity.
I wanted to either sell our house (drastic) or apply for equity release which is preferable. To help with the care home costs that are round the corner really.
I can't do this without his permission/agreement.
Our replacement attorney is to replace me if I drop down dead or can't function and this is what we didn't understand.
My husband no longer has capacity (18 months of deterioration since the the LPA was applied for.)
So now I am obliged to apply to the Court of Protection for permission to appoint a trustee to sign for Equity Release and I have had to get a mental capacity assessment completed privately which GP s will not do.
A lot of costs and delays and worry involved simply because I am the sole attorney.

 

[MaNaAk]

Hello MaNaAk

I truly hope you don't come up against this as sole attorney - but if your dad still has capacity perhaps he/you all - can discuss perhaps applying to amend his LPA to having another attorney.
This is our situation. I am my husband's sole attorney as he wanted to keep things simple. One of our sons is replacement attorney.
My husband no longer has mental capacity.
I wanted to either sell our house (drastic) or apply for equity release which is preferable. To help with the care home costs that are round the corner really.
I can't do this without his permission/agreement.
Our replacement attorney is to replace me if I drop down dead or can't function and this is what we didn't understand.
My husband no longer has capacity (18 months of deterioration since the the LPA was applied for.)
So now I am obliged to apply to the Court of Protection for permission to appoint a trustee to sign for Equity Release and I have had to get a mental capacity assessment completed privately which GP s will not do.
A lot of costs and delays and worry involved simply because I am the sole attorney.

Thankyou @annieka 56,

I'm sorry to hear of your situation dad actually passed away in 2019 but I hope you do get control of your husband's finances. I'm glad that I was made attorney because we wouldn't have been able to agree.

MaNaAk

 

[NEIL123456789]

except when there are two of you with joint POA and you dont agree.

Can be something really simple and sometimes either is right/wrong and can be trivial eg
Which are the best socks for a person in a care home?

I say middle of the price range, multipack of all black
My co-POA thinks better quality singles- they wash better/last longer
Neither are wrong, but my theory is, 10 socks all the same, given they get lost wil result in socks lasting longer
Which of us is right? Neither...or both?

 

[NEIL123456789]

Regarding joint POA I would suggest whoever the two people concerned are they should be happy to compromise and realise this point before signing up for the POA Theres not a lot of good if the two people are likely to disagree