Would he care if it were a carer instead if me

[Shem56]

Afternoon good people. Today Im just feeling "do I matter". My o/h has dementia in the late/middle stages. I do everything for him although he can manage to go to his local everyday for a beer!
When he is at home he sleeps more than he is awake and I look and think "Do I Matter" if it were someone else sat there would he be bothered! I havent felt like this before. I am living with my own health issues and I just think .......
Is that selfish of me🤔

 

[Kevinl]

No, that simple, being a carer is hard over 10 years on the site here caring for wife and mum in that order and both together.
You do matter and it's for people like you that I still keep on posting on here still even thought they're now gone.
Never think that you're not being listened to on here, that and thank you for posting. K

 

[Shem56]

No, that simple, being a carer is hard over 10 years on the site here caring for wife and mum in that order and both together.
You do matter and it's for people like you that I still keep on posting on here still even thought they're now gone.
Never think that you're not being listened to on here, that and thank you for posting. K

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. Made me cry. xxx

 

[Kevinl]

You're more than welcome, make it all worthwhile. K

 

[BELLA BEE]

Afternoon good people. Today Im just feeling "do I matter". My o/h has dementia in the late/middle stages. I do everything for him although he can manage to go to his local everyday for a beer!
When he is at home he sleeps more than he is awake and I look and think "Do I Matter" if it were someone else sat there would he be bothered! I havent felt like this before. I am living with my own health issues and I just think .......
Is that selfish of me🤔

 

[BELLA BEE]

Hi shem56 I too care for my husband 24/7 he as vascular dementia and I at times question my worth having had to give work up to be my husbands full time carer I feel at times life is passing us both by and fear the future none of us chose this journey so don’t ever feel selfish because of how you are feeling you are human and doing an amazing job 🥰

 

[Shem56]

Hi shem56 I too care for my husband 24/7 he as vascular dementia and I at times question my worth having had to give work up to be my husbands full time carer I feel at times life is passing us both by and fear the future none of us chose this journey so don’t ever feel selfish because of how you are feeling you are human and doing an amazing job 🥰

Thank you Bella Bee. You have described exactly how I feel. One day at a time is all we can do because none of us ever thought this is how it would be. Kindest thoughts heading your way. xx

 

[special 1]

Hi there. Don't ever think you are not worth it or not listened to. We all know what you are going through, maybe not the same things, but yes I myself cry every day. So you are not alone with how you feel. Keep updating on the site. 💔💔💔

 

[Donk1]

I ask the same question and actually I am convinced he would not know as he doesn’t know who I am most of the time

 

[pcjjk]

Afternoon good people. Today Im just feeling "do I matter". My o/h has dementia in the late/middle stages. I do everything for him although he can manage to go to his local everyday for a beer!
When he is at home he sleeps more than he is awake and I look and think "Do I Matter" if it were someone else sat there would he be bothered! I havent felt like this before. I am living with my own health issues and I just think .......
Is that selfish of me🤔

I am in the same position except she doesn’t go to the local for a beer (kind of wish she did……). She is excellent at pointing out that the dogs bowl needs filling up but can’t turn the tap on. She is excellent at spotting a bit of fluff on the carpet but can’t use the vacuum. Doesn’t eat properly now except finger foods and drinks liquid meal replacement. I have to dress and undress her everyday but she can still walk a mile and a half with the dogs. She can fall asleep on a pin and now needs meds to help her to sleep at night as I need my sleep as well. I am waiting for results of a PET Scan but she doesn’t remember. Probably like you, we live in a little bubble but sometimes I feel like I just want to scream….

 

[Shem56]

Hi there. Don't ever think you are not worth it or not listened to. We all know what you are going through, maybe not the same things, but yes I myself cry every day. So you are not alone with how you feel. Keep updating on the site. 💔💔💔

 

[Shem56]

Thank you I will xx

 

[Shem56]

I am in the same position except she doesn’t go to the local for a beer (kind of wish she did……). She is excellent at pointing out that the dogs bowl needs filling up but can’t turn the tap on. She is excellent at spotting a bit of fluff on the carpet but can’t use the vacuum. Doesn’t eat properly now except finger foods and drinks liquid meal replacement. I have to dress and undress her everyday but she can still walk a mile and a half with the dogs. She can fall asleep on a pin and now needs meds to help her to sleep at night as I need my sleep as well. I am waiting for results of a PET Scan but she doesn’t remember. Probably like you, we live in a little bubble but sometimes I feel like I just want to scream….

 

[Shem56]

I feel your pain and frustration . Keep posting this site keeps us sane!

 

[Shem56]

I ask the same question and actually I am convinced he would not know as he doesn’t know who I am most of the time

 

[Shem56]

Hi there. Don't ever think you are not worth it or not listened to. We all know what you are going through, maybe not the same things, but yes I myself cry every day. So you are not alone with how you feel. Keep updating on the site. 💔💔💔

I am in the same position except she doesn’t go to the local for a beer (kind of wish she did……). She is excellent at pointing out that the dogs bowl needs filling up but can’t turn the tap on. She is excellent at spotting a bit of fluff on the carpet but can’t use the vacuum. Doesn’t eat properly now except finger foods and drinks liquid meal replacement. I have to dress and undress her everyday but she can still walk a mile and a half with the dogs. She can fall asleep on a pin and now needs meds to help her to sleep at night as I need my sleep as well. I am waiting for results of a PET Scan but she doesn’t remember. Probably like you, we live in a little bubble but sometimes I feel like I just want to scream….

I ask the same question and actually I am convinced he would not know as he doesn’t know who I am most of the time

Hi there. Don't ever think you are not worth it or not listened to. We all know what you are going through, maybe not the same things, but yes I myself cry every day. So you are not alone with how you feel. Keep updating on the site. 💔💔💔

 

[Alisongs]

Afternoon good people. Today Im just feeling "do I matter". My o/h has dementia in the late/middle stages. I do everything for him although he can manage to go to his local everyday for a beer!
When he is at home he sleeps more than he is awake and I look and think "Do I Matter" if it were someone else sat there would he be bothered! I havent felt like this before. I am living with my own health issues and I just think .......
Is that selfish of me🤔

No not selfish at all! Loving, caring, supporting is a two way street! If he's going to the pub, he's putting himself first. Dementia seems to put the victim in survival mode: Mefirstlastandmiddleandnobodyelsematters..... Self love, self care and self support are all necessary for self esteem, but dementia makes the victim overly self centred as a survival tactic..... Don't neglect yourself, you need self love, self care, self support and self esteem just like everybody else. Can his outings to the pub or time asleep, be your time for you to pamper yourself? Do what you can to relax at these times, he won't notice!

 

[Kevinl]

I married her for better or for worst, turned out I got and the latter option is what I got, still it is what it is.
Do it all again if o could, in a heartbeat, right now if it could bring her back to me. K

 

[Chizz]

I am in the same position except she doesn’t go to the local for a beer (kind of wish she did……). She is excellent at pointing out that the dogs bowl needs filling up but can’t turn the tap on. She is excellent at spotting a bit of fluff on the carpet but can’t use the vacuum. Doesn’t eat properly now except finger foods and drinks liquid meal replacement. I have to dress and undress her everyday but she can still walk a mile and a half with the dogs. She can fall asleep on a pin and now needs meds to help her to sleep at night as I need my sleep as well. I am waiting for results of a PET Scan but she doesn’t remember. Probably like you, we live in a little bubble but sometimes I feel like I just want to scream….

Know how you feel @pcjjk
My OH needs me now more than ever and we probably haven't got to the darkest times yet. I've been at this for 7 years now, OH is bedbound and can't weight bear even if she knew how to walk. I feed her all her food and drink - which isn't much these days. She can hardly talk, just a few words, then noises.
My life is her life and I often feel I'm entombed alive. If I go out, I suddenly realise there's a whole world out there passing me by.

 

[Shem56]

Hi there. Don't ever think you are not worth it or not listened to. We all know what you are going through, maybe not the same things, but yes I myself cry every day. So you are not alone with how you feel. Keep updating on the site. 💔💔💔

Thank you xx

No not selfish at all! Loving, caring, supporting is a two way street! If he's going to the pub, he's putting himself first. Dementia seems to put the victim in survival mode: Mefirstlastandmiddleandnobodyelsematters..... Self love, self care and self support are all necessary for self esteem, but dementia makes the victim overly self centred as a survival tactic..... Don't neglect yourself, you need self love, self care, self support and self esteem just like everybody else. Can his outings to the pub or time asleep, be your time for you to pamper yourself? Do what you can to relax at these times, he won't notice!

So true. So true!