will I get better

[kennh]

I am frequently asked by my wife: What is wrong with me? Will I get better?
I have tended to say there is nothing wrong and you will get better, But is this the right approach? Should I be brutally honest? Any guidance will be most gratefully received

 

[Skylark33]

I have AD and I know that it is incurable and will be fatal. When I was diagnosed, over 3 years ago, I wasn't much affected by it, and it was discovered only because it interacted with drugs I was given for something else. I investigated the disease and quickly found out that it would be fatal, so I've just tried to keep fit and keep my brain busy.
It sounds as though your wife may be further on than I am, but I don't think that is the main issue. My guess is that only you can judge whether it's best to tell her or not. I see that you are trying to protect her and that is very understandable. But it will probably become more difficult to keep up the pretence as time goes by. She might find out from someone else, or in some other way. I think I would talk to her doctor and perhaps ask him or her to discuss the issue with both of you together.
I know it would be difficult to tell her, but keeping up an untruth with someone you love is surely very hard indeed. If she found out the truth it might be very difficult.
That's just my opinion, of course. Best wishes to you, whatever you decide.

 

[Grannie G]

My husband needed hope.

He had asked what was wrong with him a year or so after diagnosis and I told him he had Alzheimer`s . By then he did not appreciate the significance of the diagnosis but set out to make himself `better`. I went along with whatever he wanted to do, to eat, to take, to help himself because I know he needed hope however futile I knew it was.

At the last MMSE test he was given, when asked to write a sentence he wrote `I am getting better`. Heartbreaking for me but I knew this was what he needed to believe.

We are all different.

There are some fantastic people on this forum who know and understand their diagnosis and would hate to think anyone was being economical with the truth to them.

There are those who are helped from being protected from the truth too.

It is hoped those of us who care, know our people with dementia well enough to be able to provide the best information for their individual needs.

 

[Bunpoots]

My dad was 86 when he was diagnosed so the fact that he was terminally ill was not his main concern. In the early stages he would sometimes express a wish to die quickly and therefore be spared the worst of the disease.
Later, after he’d forgotten the diagnosis, he truly believed that there was nothing wrong with him and that he was much younger than his (by then) 89yrs.

I just went along with him which sometimes made caring for him interesting!
It kept him calm and mostly content. Trying to explain the reality of his situation just made him angry. The only thing he’d admit to was having a bad memory..

 

[Duggies-girl]

Same as @Bunpoots dad. My dad has no inkling that he is ill and if I remind him he will argue that there is nothing wrong with him and that he is in fact (in his eyes) very healthy, can walk miles and is also much younger than 89 so I will just go along with him.

Dad will admit to a little memory problem that everyone gets as they get older.

 

[kennh]

Thank you for your replies.
I know my wife won't get better, but I tell her I think she will. This seems to make her happy - and that is what I want to achieve.
Thank you so much.