Who are you?

[Pennyc]

My dad got diagnosed with mixed dementia Alzheimer’s and vascular last June. He’s been doing okay and they advised he was at the moderate stage.
I’ve been going in to check on him and my mum daily as they are in our support bubble as they have nobody other than me. However, due to work reasons I’ve not seen them since Sunday. Today was my day off and I went round to spend some time with them. My dad was sat having his breakfast as he had not long been awake and he looked at me and said “who are you?”!!! I could tell by his face he did not have a clue who I was. I told him I was his daughter and said my name, but he looked blank at me.....he went to have a shower and when he had got dressed etc he seemed to come to and when I called him Dad he responded to me, as if knowing who I was all of a sudden. I knew this would happen one day...but is this the start now of him starting to forget people or is it just because he has not seen me for 3 day? Or is it normal to suddenly forget then be back in the room and remember who people are? I’m trying to prepare myself and my mum for the day he doesn’t even know who she is!! Am I overthinking it all or is this now the start of his progression to the advanced stage?

 

[lollyc]

I'm no expert, but Mum certainly seems to fluctuate. Most times she knows me (she lives with me), but sometimes I can be my Dad (dead), my uncle - I'm female by the way! - or someone that she worked with 20 years ago. And then she is, as you say, back in the room. I sometimes think it would be easier to deal with dementia, if it didn't seem to wax and wane so much. At least you'd know where you were!

 

[GeordieAg]

My dad got diagnosed with mixed dementia Alzheimer’s and vascular last June. He’s been doing okay and they advised he was at the moderate stage.
I’ve been going in to check on him and my mum daily as they are in our support bubble as they have nobody other than me. However, due to work reasons I’ve not seen them since Sunday. Today was my day off and I went round to spend some time with them. My dad was sat having his breakfast as he had not long been awake and he looked at me and said “who are you?”!!! I could tell by his face he did not have a clue who I was. I told him I was his daughter and said my name, but he looked blank at me.....he went to have a shower and when he had got dressed etc he seemed to come to and when I called him Dad he responded to me, as if knowing who I was all of a sudden. I knew this would happen one day...but is this the start now of him starting to forget people or is it just because he has not seen me for 3 day? Or is it normal to suddenly forget then be back in the room and remember who people are? I’m trying to prepare myself and my mum for the day he doesn’t even know who she is!! Am I overthinking it all or is this now the start of his progression to the advanced stage?

So sorry that this has happened to you. It's hard but, sadly, part of what will happen as this awful condition progresses. Knowing it will happen helps but doesn't stop it hurting - I know, all too well, how it feels. I tried saying hello and introducing myself when I arrived, but that only worked for a short time. I found that leaving the room and returning with a cup of tea, something that was always the norm, worked better. Seeing me do familiar things around the house worked better than any spoken word. It was as though talking was too hard to process. I spent so many hours in the kitchen breaking my heart or feeling frustrated, until I finally managed to accept what was happening. It's still hard, but easier knowing it's not deliberate. Sending you big hugs.

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @Pennyc

My mum, who is in a care home, generally knows who I am but not always. Sometimes she thinks I am her sister and often refers to my brother as "Dad" by which I think she means mine, rather than hers. It can certainly be rather confusing. During my last visit, on Christmas Eve, Mum told me that she was worried about what would happen to Jo (that's me) but a few minutes later introduced me to the manager as "my daughter Jo". She then said I should be getting back to school, which the carer found most amusing as I'm 59. I agree that it fluctuates. Perhaps your Dad being sleepy made him less aware. Its a bit of a shock when it first happens but I suppose we all expect it at some stage.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

Hello @Pennyc

My mum, who is in a care home, generally knows who I am but not always. Sometimes she thinks I am her sister and often refers to my brother as "Dad" by which I think she means mine, rather than hers. It can certainly be rather confusing. During my last visit, on Christmas Eve, Mum told me that she was worried about what would happen to Jo (that's me) but a few minutes later introduced me to the manager as "my daughter Jo". She then said I should be getting back to school, which the carer found most amusing as I'm 59. I agree that it fluctuates. Perhaps your Dad being sleepy made him less aware. Its a bit of a shock when it first happens but I suppose we all expect it at some stage.

My experience was much the same. In the same visit (mum was in a CH) mum introduced me to the carer as her daughter J, later asked me how my mother was and when asked to explain told me, 'I know you're my daughter....but I'm not your mother!'

The consolation was that althought she knew who I was less and less, when she saw me she always smiled and knew I was someone she liked. (Well, mostly! Apart from the bad days when I was The Evil One to blame for all her woes!)