When is this feeling going to end?

[poppy01]

Hi.

I lost my dear mom back in april this year, to be precise, 7 weeks ago today. Thing is, I still feel as though mom is coming back, I feel as though she has gone away somewhere where we cannot speak, touch or see her, but sometime later on she will be coming back to us. I've felt like this now since mom died. I can hear myself telling people that my mom is dead and its as thought I am listening in on someone elses conversation. I can hear myself saying, she is dead, but its as though its about someone elses mom, not mine. Is this normal, whatever normal is???

I can be sat not conciously thinking about mom, and the tears come again. And I dont know why. Some days its like I cant get her off my mind, and other days I dont think about her at all.

Another thing that is praying on my mind is I have moms hearing to go to week on monday, this is the hearing to do with the care home overdosing mom on medication. My sister was supposed to be going with me, but shes now saying that there is no point in going cos it isnt going to bring mom back. So I'm having to go on my own, it doesnt bother me, probably will once I am there though, but some support would be nice.

I'm also waiting on a letter coming from the hospital explaining the circumstances before and after my mom died. Again my sister thinks I shouldnt be doing this. I feel I NEED to do this. I have many many questions that are unanswered, and I feel I cannot rest until I have the answers, if I manage to get any answeres that is.

I just needed to get some things off my chest. My husband doesnt seem to understand. When he sees me cry, he asks why I am crying???? A lot of the time I wait.. if I can.. until I am on my own to let it all out.

My dad is wanting to get rid of moms clothes. Why he cannot hang onto them for a while longer I dont know. Its not as though theyre in the way. He keeps asking for us to take them to a charity shop and my sister has said she cant, and I feel that just at the minute, I cant either. He cant take them himself cos hes blind and has difficulty walking.

Everything seems to be building up and building up at the minute and I know soon its gonna go bang.

Sorry for waffling on, just needed to get it out.

Thanks

 

[Michele]

Hey Poppy,

There is no need to be apologising to us. Don't forget we are here for you.

I am really sorry with how you are feeling.

Sending you loads and loads of hugs.

Love
Michele
xxx

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Poppy,
It has only been 7 weeks - this is still the start of your grieving. As for what is normal, well it's different for everyone. When my grandmother died, I was unable to even talk about her without tears for 5 years. But when my father died in 2007, I was at peace with it very soon. This was partly because I was 16 when my grandmother died and 53 when my dad died.

I really admire you for going through with the hearing and all the heartbreak that entails. Your sister is correct in saying it won't bring your mother back but what I hope it will do is prevent the same thing from occuring to other people's loved ones. That would be a great monument to your mother.

Take care.

 

[Lynne]

Dear Poppy

I'm so sorry you feel so bad, but it's entirely normal & natural (Your husband has probably never lost anyone close, I think?)

My dad is wanting to get rid of moms clothes. Why he cannot hang onto them for a while longer I dont know. Its not as though they're in the way. He keeps asking for us to take them to a charity shop and my sister has said she cant, and I feel that just at the minute, I cant either. He cant take them himself cos hes blind and has difficulty walking.

Your poor Dad, perhaps he feels it would help him if Mum's clothes were gone. He's entitled to grieve in his own way, which is not necessarily the same way as you.
After my Mum's death, I got rid of a lot of her 'less good' clothing and all her shoes (heavy in bulk!) by making use of those charity collection bags which get put through the door.
Load 'em up (double-bag the shoes) and put them on the driveway on the collection day - simples!

(Afterthought - check the pockets for anything Mum may have 'stored or put away safely' if she went through that phase!)

Hugs & best wishes, I hope you'll feel a little better after the hearing is behind you.