I need advice as to how to move forward with my husband. I get so frustrated and stressed with his behaviour. I feel my personality is changing and going as I am often desperate and angry. I try to organise things for us both to enjoy but often feel what was the point
What to do
- Thread starter Meaux
- Start date
Welcome to Dementia Support Forum @Meaux. I wonder if this thread will give you some tips as to how to talk to your husband Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired. Please don't worry if it doesn't work. I found with my mum the techniques mentioned were useful, but they didn't always work. I lost my temper rather a lot with mum and I only saw her for a couple of hours a couple of times a week. Living with you husband 24/7 is going to be so much harder.
Do you have any help coming in? It would be a good idea if you haven't already done so to contact social services get a needs assessment for your husband and a carer's assessment for you. Caring for someone with dementia is far more than a one person job and your needs are important too.
This is a very friendly and supportive place and I'm sure others will be along soon with their tips and suggestions
Do you have any help coming in? It would be a good idea if you haven't already done so to contact social services get a needs assessment for your husband and a carer's assessment for you. Caring for someone with dementia is far more than a one person job and your needs are important too.
This is a very friendly and supportive place and I'm sure others will be along soon with their tips and suggestions
I too have difficulty communicating with my husband. He struggles to find the words when he tries to tell me how he is feeling. We were told by the Memory Clinic that PWD get very anxious and knowing that helped me to be more empathic with him. It is difficult when he starts talking about things that aren't true-such as asking where has everybody gone when there has only ever been the two of us. It is difficult to use distraction because he then asks why am I avoiding his question and he gets more agitated. I do believe there is not enough help and advice in the community services-there is a lot of encouragement to use technology which is not familiar to a lot of us. If it helps, I do find going out together gives us a shared experience to talk about even if he can't remember it. You will get support and ideas here on this forum.
Welcome to the forum @Meaux. I sometimes think of all of us carers, all over the world, struggling with this horrible horrible disease, feeling so tired and hopeless. OH and I have been married 49 years this year too - he has Alzheimer's and has zero memory. We went out today and on the way home he asked if I knew where he lived and he was surprised when I said yes, I live there too. He has totally forgotten we are married. I think he thinks I'm the cleaner (which is true!). So many carers on here have a far more difficult time with their PWD than I do for which I'm very thankful but goodness this is a bl**dy awful way to live your later years.
Hi @Meaux. I concur with all of the above. Evenings are the worst for me with my OH. He sundowns and thinks he is in the wrong house and needs to get back to 'the other house '. He asks where the 'other' people have gone when there has only been the two of us in the house all day. It drains me emotionally and I do lose my patience. I honestly don't think there is a right or wrong way of managing these situations. I know all the 'experts' say don't argue, but I don't believe that is something you can keep up constantly. I believe you just have to use your best judgement which each situation and honestly all any of us can do is our best. My husband gets frustrated and agitated but so far never aggressive so I am lucky in that respect. I am just emotionally drained a lot of the time but find this forum to be a great help. Sending virtual hugs and know you are not alone.
Hello @Meaux , have you thought about contacting Admiral Nurses? They help the carer with advice and support, often practical support too. I used them, although they are not available in all areas, I understand.
Do a search for Admiral Nurses on here, there is a lot of first hand information , or use this link
www.dementiauk.org
Do a search for Admiral Nurses on here, there is a lot of first hand information , or use this link
What is an Admiral Nurse and how can they help?
Dementia UK is a charity that provides Admiral Nurses for families affected by dementia. Call our Dementia Helpline to find out how we can support you.
www.dementiauk.org
Hi I agree with previous posts. My OH doesn't know me ,our home or himself when he looks in a mirror!
In fact I think one reason pwd think there are more people in the house is because they see us reflected in the mirrors. My OH told me there was an old man'over there' pointing at the bedroom mirror!
He always asks if the others are coming to when we go out but I sure it's because he has seen us in the long hall mirror! He often is seen nodding ,smiling and thumbs up to his reflection! When I told him it was his reflect he wouldn't accept it was him even though we waved and pulled faces!
My oH also sees a boy and that can be amusing as it's often a mischievous little boy!
Sadly, relationships change as my oh no longer really knows who I am
I'd suggest finding dementia coffee clubs ,groups and singing. May not have been either of your style , certainly not ours, but quite honestly they have been my lifeline. Speaking to others who know what it is like.
Best wishes
In fact I think one reason pwd think there are more people in the house is because they see us reflected in the mirrors. My OH told me there was an old man'over there' pointing at the bedroom mirror!
He always asks if the others are coming to when we go out but I sure it's because he has seen us in the long hall mirror! He often is seen nodding ,smiling and thumbs up to his reflection! When I told him it was his reflect he wouldn't accept it was him even though we waved and pulled faces!
My oH also sees a boy and that can be amusing as it's often a mischievous little boy!
Sadly, relationships change as my oh no longer really knows who I am
I'd suggest finding dementia coffee clubs ,groups and singing. May not have been either of your style , certainly not ours, but quite honestly they have been my lifeline. Speaking to others who know what it is like.
Best wishes
Thank you for the responses. I resonate with you all and realise that everyone is going through the same stuff. I feel resentment that the rest of the world label me as his carer when in reality I took my vows to be his wife.
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