What to ask?

[cobden28]

Good morning . I'm posting this question because I'm not sure how to proceed or what sorts of questions I need be asking, so I'm hoping forum members can advise and maybe point me in the right direction.

Basically, it's to do with my elderly Mum. She's 83, a widow, and lives alone some 3/4 hr. drive from me with the aid of a lovely home help who comes in once a week to help out with things Mum can no longer do around the house. Mum has numerous health problems - macular degeneration so had to give up driving eight years ago, asthma, diabetes, IBS, plus she's had a heart attack and TIA in the past with a full stroke about 18 months ago. I am Mum's only known living blood relative and have myself had a heart attack nine years ago followed by a stroke eight years ago so I have an idea of how some of Mum's health problems affect her.

Yesterday Mum and I travelled up to London for my daughter's Uni graduation presentation and as it was a while since I'd seen Mum I was shocked by the deterioration in her condition since I'd last seen her. Mum looks very frail and walks with a stick outdoors, plus she asks me a question to which I give an answer, then five minutes later she asks me the same question again.

I'd say that her mental capacity has decreased somewhat - she didn't keep on asking the same question repeatedly at the beginning of the year - although she does have enough of her wits about her to have written her will and to be considering a pre-paid funeral plan.

Yesterday, Mum introduced the question of a pre-paid funeral plan into the conversation herself; I told her I'd thought she ought to consider something like this but wasn't sure how best to introduce the subject myself. I know Mum has written a will and I have the contact details for her solicitor (who holds the will) in the event of Mum's death. Mum said she wants me to come up and visit her to discuss her finances in detail; I know she has some stocks and shares but not the amounts. Also, when it comes to the question of the pre-paid funeral plan, what sorts of questions should I be asking Mum - other than that she wants to be cremated I have no idea of her funeral wishes.

If anyone on this forum can offer advice on how to proceed or what questions I should be asking or points I should now be considering, I'd be very grateful

 

[2jays]

Hi

Sorry only just noticed your thread

Can't actually answer about funeral plans... I would only give you my thoughts of... Casket type, how many cars, music and things like that

My thoughts are that apart from setting up funeral plans

have you set up lasting power of attorney - finance and health and welfare for your mum?

May not need it now... Could be so valuable further down the line.

Hopefully others who have already sorted funeral plans will be along with their experience.




Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[Izzy]

This 'Which' website might be helpful -

http://www.which.co.uk/money/insurance/reviews-ns/funeral-plans/

We had one for my mother and it made all the difference when the time came. The basics were sorted out already. I've since bought plans for myself and my husband.

 

[Pickles53]

Hi Cobden.

I know it's not strictly what you were asking but I'd strongly agree that getting LPAs sorted out might be more urgent than a funeral plan. What you're describing is very much how this all started with my mum, so it is probably also time to think about whether mum should see GP to check out the memory issues.

 

[cobden28]

Mum has specifically asked me to go visit and fill in some forms to do with her funeral plan, so perhaps when I do, then might be the appropriate time to bring up the subject of LPA.

Her GP who she'd had for over thirty years and trusted implicitly retired a couple of years back, and now when she wants to see a GP at the group practice it's a case of getting to see whoever is available, so would it be appropriate do you think if I wrote to the Practice Manager expressing my concerns about Mum's memory? I am literally Mum's nearest living blood relative - her only other known living blood relative is my just-graduated-from-Uni daughter.

 

[Beate]

Some funeral plans can be extremely poor value as you pay in much more than you ever get out so check what she is taking out there! Wishes for a funeral can be put in a will as well. LPA etc. is very important while she still has capacity to do so. Your idea of writing to her practice is a good one - maybe suggest they send her a letter for a general health check-up and investigate her memory as part of it.

 

[nitram]

You could try and find out if your mum has a preferred funeral director and then approach them for advice.

Don't fall into the trap of signing up to a plan that is not recognised by the funeral director of her choice.