What am I supposed to do with this?

[Fugs]

https://edition.cnn.com/2024/06/07/health/alzheimers-dementia-ornish-lifestyle-wellness/index.html

One of my wife's invisible relatives has just sent me this link, with the suggestion that I should give it a try. This is an invisible that hasn't seen, or made any attempt to communicate with, my wife for almost 18 months. When we did last see them I was making the 8hr round trip to the funeral of one of my wife's relatives. I invited this person to my wife's birthday almost a year ago, with the offer of our spare room, but at the last moment they were unprepared to make the 3hr round trip to our house. 6 months ago they were going to arrange a meet up when the weather was warmer. Obviously June is not warm enough!
How on earth am I meant to respond? My life is on hold, and my wife won't willing see her friends any more. (They at least have made the effort to see my wife)
My wife can tell that I am upset, because she keeps asking if I am OK.
They didn't even ask how my wife and I are.

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

"Many thanks for your link however, however I find the instructions very difficult to navigate but you seem pretty au fait. As you have obviously studied this in great depth, I'd be grateful if you could visit and demonstrate these plans; I'd find this really helpful. If you'd be kind enough to let me know your arrival time, I will have your accommodation ready; shall we say 21st June?

So happy to have your support and help and we both look forward to you visit."

 

[Fugs]

🤣😭

 

[Orsonkartt]

There is so many reports and then retractions

….https://www.science.org/content/article/researchers-plan-retract-landmark-alzheimers-paper-containing-doctored-images

The reality of dealing with things on a daily basis is a tough one. If you’d like to visit you are welcome to see things for yourselves.

Best thoughts

 

[SeaSwallow]

@Fugs I am so sorry that your thoughtless, invisible relatives sent you that link. No wonder you are upset and angry about it. They really do not have a clue about the stresses of day to day caring. If only it was as easy as following the advice on some websites.

As to what to do next, everyone is different, but if I had received that link I would be making it very clear that it was not welcome and state that I would not prefer them not to offer any more advice again, unless it was practical, hands on help.

Remember you are doing a hard job and doing it well. Take care of yourself.

 

[Rishile]

This sort of report makes my blood boil. A short trial with a small amount of people all with early-onset dementia doesn't mean a thing. I can agree with some of these things - exercise, diet, stimulation etc. My husband went through the first five years with very few problems. Then Covid came along which totally confused him. Then, as we came out of Covid, he got an infection. Things changed rapidly after that. Life happens and throws research like this out of the window.

I would reply to the invisible relative that he/ she is welcome to come and stay for five months and try all of these suggestions while you go and have a well-deserved break. I think they will be even more invisible than before.

 

[Lawson58]

My husband is 84 years old and still plays bridge.

He has been vegetarian for many years, ran half marathons in his younger days and up until a couple of years ago, was walking long distances every day.

Though we have had stressful times during the almost eleven years of his illness, I think he is generally a calm and unstressed individual.

How do you teach someone to love more? Especially with dementia. OH dearly loves our old dog and two of the three cats. Does that count?

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

I'm just trying to imagine how my mother would have reacted to being told she was going on a vegan, no sugar diet. Oh and mum, you're also going to have to get up at regular times, do exercise, etc, etc. I'm thinking it would not have improved her stress levels. Or mine.

I really do hate these articles with anecdotal cases of people with dementia who 'improve' after doing/taking certain lifestyle things. We'd probably all be healthier if we did all those things but I for one, would be thoroughly miserable. Dementia never gets better - never ever - and it is unfair to make people think that if only they did all these things, it would.

What the people in the study did get that I think was more valuable was the constant monitoring and attention. If everyone with dementia was given a 24/7 personal assistant who didn't sleep, never got tired or impatient and had nothing else to do apart from help/supervise, I'm sure they would all benefit. And let's give everyone a load of money for all the exercise classes, required tech (with assistance), special food, vitamins and supplements...

As for invisibles and their 'helpful' suggestions - pah!

 

[Duggies-girl]

@Fugs I really don't know what to say. Perhaps they thought they were being thoughtful, I suppose they were thinking of you which is something. I would ignore it, some people are just thoughtless or just plain stupid and the fact that they didn't even ask how you are say's it all.

I have a similar relative, an invisible sibling who had the cheek to message me after two years of no contact after dad died giving me first choice to house sit for him while he goes on a world cruise. I declined and no, he never asked how I was either and never has before in my memory.

 

[Fugs]

Thank you all for your replies. I just needed to tell someone. That person used to be my wife, but as you are all aware, I can't any longer.
Perhaps the single lesson that I have learnt in life is not to respond in haste, although I can't always follow it. I will give it a few days and decide how to respond.